Meltdown at gr8Dads.....

[msme]

We went through a total meltdown with gr8Dad's DD, this weekend. A few weeks ago, her mother got to talk to her during a visit to a relative in another state. (Gr8Dad was nice enough to take the kids to see pbfh's parents, sister & family) They called her mother & let her talk to her. This was the first contact in over a year. She played with the poor kid's head, as usual, & told her a bunch of lies about an upcoming court case.

She initiated the case & then told DD that her daddy went to court & told the judge that he wants her banned from ever seeing the kids. Poor gr8Dad had to bring out papers & explain all the basics of what is going on & prove the fact that she started it.

It was heart breaking. He told her that it was going to be okay & she sobbed & sobbed as she realized that her mother had done it to her again.

We were really pleased that she had gotten through it this time. After these incidents, she usually wound up in the psych unit for a few days. She is 14 this week. Chalk it up to maturity.

Wrong! We did not realize that she did not have a vent for all the anger she had at her mother. Following true to nature, she went after us. It started Friday evening & went down hill Saturday.

I finally had to send her home Saturday afternoon because she was so rude & obnoxious. Her dad tried talking to her & she exploded. He saw sides of her that she has never shown anyone.

She said mean, hateful, horrible things to him. Somehow, he remained calm & stood by her. after several hours, she had finally gotten it all out & was laying in a fetal position on the floor.

He got down & tried to hold her but she fought him. He held on & eventually she rolled over & crawled into his arms. They then spent time putting the pieces back together.

Yesterday at church, we had a program & one of the questions posed by our pastor was what can we do to overcome the power of darkness that we see in the world today. DD raised her hand & told everyone that when someone hurts you, you must forgive them. No matter how many times they hurt you, you must just keep forgiving them & pray for them.

Everyone was impressed by her answer but I was the only one who knew what she was talking about. I gave a quick prayer of thanks that this time she was not in the Psych unit again. Please pray for her.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[dsm]

But, like you, I am thankful that this time she has found the where-withall to fight through everything and not end up in the psych unit.

Kudos to gr8dad for keeping his cool.  You too for supporting everything.

Hope that woman rots for the crap she's done over the years!!!!!
==============================================================================

dsm - 35
DH - 38
SD - 16
LO - 10
BB - 2
------------------
3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
------------------
Live, Love, and Laugh

[4honor]

Sometimes you just have to love them and not give any ground, in spite of what they say they want.

[wendl]

good for GR8 for holding her and comforting.
My son will be 14 soon and it is hard enough to deal with teenagers let alone ones whos parents tells them lies etc.

I have had to show my son stuff to, just to prove to him that it isn't me etc.

It is so hard.

Keep your head up, I know my son used to say hurtfull things to me and I finally got out of him, he says things to me because he knows I AM NOT going anywhere.

Extra hugs to you two hun.

[dipper]

I agree that many times children act out with the people they know are there.  They have already felt rejected by one parent.  the child feels 'safe' in venting to us.  

I really feel for Gr8dad's daughter.  And him.  Sounds as if she is getting stronger though.  

[wysiwyg]

I was once Gr8dad's daughter, my father got custody of me when I was 6 - in 1967.  When i was in my teens and having problems (only child dad moved me out of state away from mother, mother remarried and her husband hated me and took her several states away) my father did not hold me or speak to me the way that would have explained things to me or allowed me to vent.  I saw my mother once a year, and I would cry for weeks after getting home because it would be a year before I could see her again.  My step mother would yell at me to "shut up", and their life revolved around their dogs and shows, what was meant to be a "family" event was so taxing that I harldy got to date in HS becasue we were always traveling and showing the dogs, or home caring for the puppies.  When I went to college my dad told me I was going to do waht he wanted me to do becasue he was paying for it - so I dropped out, I wanted to write - he wanted me to be a secretary.  

I got married and had 3 kids, I stood behind their decisions to do what they wanted in life and loved them, I remairred a man that had a child by a previous marriage, I held that child when he cried like gr8dad, I was not going to allow any of these kids to go unloved or feel unwated.  My oldest 2 kids went to the military, my father has not spoken to me in 4 years, he thinks I forced them to go to the service, when it was their choice, and as their mother - their dad (my husband adopted my three kids when their dad ran out) stood behind their decision to serve this country.  The final blow ot me was my father telling me that "I was a dissappointment to him all my life becasue I did not do what was expected of me".  This made me glad that I stood behind my kids and supported their decision to make a living the way they wanted, and not force my ways upon them.  My fahter even took his dog to his mother funeral and when he was remembering her at the service he spoke of only the dogs and not once of the grandchild or the great grandchildren my grandmother had.  He later told me that he did that because he felt I did not care about my grandmoter.  How sad that the people attending the funeral said to me " I did not know that there were any grandchildren or GGchildren".

Sorry so winded, I had to vent, but I applaud you gr8Dad, and all the gr8dads out there including my current husband.  I support all your efforts adn can honestly say I have seen it all from bing there to doing that and being on the other side of the fence.

wysiwyg
mom of 3, 1 Army, 1 navy, 1 ambitious AF,
1 SS in ROTC
grandma of 1 cute kid

[determined]

As usual, I have no useful wisdom to impart, only support.  Hard as it is, some things have to happen. They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  If she and Gr8dad can survive this as a team, they will be better prepared next time.

I am praying for you as well.