court stuff- disappointing

[Mamacass]

So, we went to court this morning, and we have to pay back 2 1/2 years worth of child support.  Word to the wise, don't make agreements outside of court b/c they don't mean a thing.  We had the child 50% of the time, we paid all day care when he went (which was calculated in child support) and we bought his jackets, coats and shoes as well as sent over bags of clothes for his mom's house.  All that stuff was considered a gift, and even though BM wrote and signed an agreement that there would be no child support and she would file to stop it, since we didn't do any of that through the courts we are stuck paying her a bunch of money.  Even the judge said it was sad.  I swear, sometimes the system is so screwed up.  

But the plus side is, we have the kid.  I'd rather have him than the $11,000 anyday.  And, we can pay it off in small monthly payments, interest free.  Plus DH wasn't found as being in contempt b/c of the written agreement.  

We go to court next week for the custody appeal (we won the custody hearing 6 mos. ago), so any prayers are appreciated.  We're hoping to settle out of court before then, but we'll see.  

[wysiwyg]

Mamacass, be very leary of the interest free monthly payments thing.  We had the VERY SAME THING!  In our case BF lost his job we filed emergency modification of CS and the court heard the case and did not render an order for 3 1/2 years.  All during which time we could not pay the high CS from previous job, got into arrears for 3.5 years.  When the court finally rendered an order they retroed some support but not to the date of filing, (another long screwed up story) and ordered us to pay an amount above and beyond the CS every week until the arrears were paid.  We did this for 5 years - on time every week by cash, but the Title IV folks froze all our assets, forced a sale of a retirement fund, we showed them we had a court order for what we had been doing for 5 years they said they did not care and would not unfreeze our assets until they got their money in full.  ONce they got their money they unfroze all accounts, we nearly got eveicted from our apt, we were a week away from eviction with another child in the home,  and ended up having to pay 10% penalty fee to the IRS for early withdraw from retirement.  ALL this with a court order otherwise, I did ask them why they did this and how a prosecutor could over ride a judges order and they said "becasue we can".  They said our court order meant nothing.

[dipper]

That is sad.  But, I had heard before that if there is an order for CS, anything given without it going through DCSE or the court, whichever way it is ordered is a GIFT.  Crazy, I agree.  It just shows what a greedy woman she is to go after it when she had agreed to the original.

I feel for you...obviously her true motives are revealed with this....the child is much better off with the two of you..

Sorry about this.

[Mamacass]

At least that's what I figure.  It will all come back to her in the end.  It was a very selfish thing for her to do, but I've come to expect the worst from her now.  

I think what irritates me most about it, is CS was never really spent on my SS to start with.  And I know it won't be now.

I may be a mean person, but I have to say it doesn't bother me a bit what a mess she's made of her life. She has made many bad choices, and has no one but herself to blame for how her life has turned out.  And SS may be too young at 7 y/o to really see his mom for waht she is, but I know that the day is coming when he will be very embarassed of her.  I feel really bad for my SS, but not for his mom.  

[wysiwyg]

"And SS may be too young at 7 y/o to really see his mom for waht she is, but I know that the day is coming when he will be very embarassed of her."

I agree my step son has always called me MOM and now he calls his BM by her first name, he at the age of 15 has finally learned what she is all about and how totally sad it is.

[MixedBag]

paid directly to the other parent is considered a gift.

It's written that way right into their state's code.

[Mamacass]

The appeal for us getting custody was supposed to be yesterday, but it got continued b/c the judge was sick.  So I guess we'll have to wait it out a while longer until they reschedule the court date.  

The good news is the BM isn't even trying to get custody back at this point.  She is just trying to get more visitation.  Her attorney sent over a proposal to our attorney, which we reviewed and sent back with some changes.  So quite possibly we could settle all of this out of court, but I guess that depends on how reasonable BM wants to be.  Hopefully her attorney can talk some sense into her.