Broken Down

[Qwkprlspnr]

I went ahead and enrolled my son on my employers plan, figured it could only help. Also, yes, the mediation is court ordered and scheduled for the 1st of June. Another one of her visitation "schedules" was faxed over to me on fri. 05/18 with alot of vague TBD and OPEN times of visitation basically allowing me minimal time at her convenience. I am supposed to sign off on this , so my atty was contacted with this also. Today my atty has prepared a response with actual times and days that the visitation should occur before I sign anything. Ex told me that if I didnt sign, no visition would occur. Her atty is basically rewriting these conditions for the EX. Yes, I have been impatient. 8 months is a long time. Nontheless a prayer was answered without me contacting the judge. Thurs. 05/17 I received in the mail a notice for a case management conference that appears , tell me if I'm wrong, the judge wants to know what is taking so long. It states both parties and counsel to appear and requesting mediation results and to further the case to trial if necessary. The judged looked me in the face on March 19th(EX defaulted, but was dismissed) and told the attys that they both had 15 days to schedule mediation because "this mans needs to see his son". I could be way off but it sounded like I might have a decent and fair judge. Here I am 63 days later still waiting for the 1st of June. The date for the case mngmnt. is June 4th and Ex is planning on leaving back to CT. on 3rd. Unless waived by the court she is supposed to appear. Dillema for her maybe. Ex hasnt mentioned it. Oh well . Have to wait and see.

[Sherry1]

"Ex told me that if I didnt sign, no visition would occur".  Your ex does not have the authority to determine if visitation is going to occur or not, only the judge.  She feels like she is losing control so she is acting like a bitch, just ignore her.  The judge probably is losing patience and it is probably a good sign for you.  It does sound like you have a fair and good judge if he made the statement about you not seeing your son.  You just need to continue to be patient and let the wheels of justice continue to move.  You are almost at the June 4th date.  Please post after the mediation so we know what happened.

[Qwkprlspnr]

Things are definitely moving along this week. Ex will be arriving this Thurs. with our son in tow. Thank God. I am so excited. A little nervous, but excited nonetheless. I worried for days about what to expect when I see him for the first time in 8 months. This is the tragedy of having your child taken away at such a young age (4 mos. old). All the pain seems to be coming to the surface, but I know that showing emotion is probably not a good idea. I've come to the conclusion that no matter what happens I will stay calm and cool and do my best to act like its just another day. Its unlikely he will know who I am, which hurts, except for maybe a necklace that he was obsessed with as he was growing and my mannerisms. Possibly my face , but Im not counting on it. I will start over . So, Ex calls last night out of the blue, she never calls, and I stopped calling her which was advised by my atty. Our son is obviously to young to talk on the phone with me. Anyway she's extremely nice(intoxicated) and says that she wants to make the visitation as smooth as possible allowing me the most possible time with him, she won't interfere w/our bonding time, she will let me have him as long as i want unsupervised after she sees he is comfortable with me(not believing any of this). I kept my ears open and my mouth shut. Further elaborating on the mistakes she's made by doing all of this to me and knowing how hurt I must be. Whoa! Apparently the responding schedule that me and my atty came up with yesterday along with some legal terminology  exposing her for what she is doing had some effect on her. She pretty much agreed to everything except for a few minor adjustments. Well that was yesterday, today its back to maybe this, maybe that, some of it is just impossible,bla bla bla. Today I just let her talk again and just listened. I plan on sticking to my schedule and notating what she did the whole week and bringing it to mediation on friday and to court on monday. Oh yeah, she never mentioned the case management conference at all. Oh well, just have wait and see. Any advice on the reunion and how I should conduct myself at first would help. Thanx for everything

[Sherry1]

This child belongs to both of you and she is trying to use your son as a weapon.  The best thing you can do is stick to your plan.  Your ex has probably been advised by her attorney that if she keeps up the crap of of interferring w/ visitation and not agreeing to or staying with court ordered visitation she will be in for big trouble from the judge.  You will have bonding w/ your son and once he is on a permanent visitation schedule things will get better!  Let us know what happens after the mediation hearing!

[mishelle2]

hey,,, when ex gets there, make sure you have a video camera set up out of site.. adn make sure its on with a blank tape.. So if she spouts off at the mouth you will have clear evidence.
If the judge is saying this is taking too long.. that is a good thing for you, it is showing the judge mother is being unreasonable. Remember  if you cannot come to an agreement in mediation that is acceptable to both of you then go to a hearing, make her prove you shouldnt have yoru son and then let the judge decide, it sounds like hes about had it with her.
we went through the fl courts .. those attys out there will drag there feet all day if you let them.. we got our case dismissed and transfered to CA where dh lives because judge in FL was sick of the mothers unwillingness to cooperate... it took 2 years to get that.. and in CA it took 30 days to have an order in place and signed... hmmmm imagine that.

Just remember.. he is your son . you dont have to "settle" for whatever you can get.. fight like hell prove you are a worthy parent and let the rest go.. act like this is a business arrangement.. and the ex is your competitor.. her true colors will show..

good luck

[Qwkprlspnr]

    I want to thank all of you for responding to inquiries from me. It has helped alot, even knowing that someone actually reads this stuff. I will be on vacay while Ex is here with my son. She still isnt agreeing to visitation as of yet. She should be here in a couple hrs. I'm freaking out. Any way I will let everyone know what happens as we go along. Thanks again

[link16]

JK,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.  It looks like your ex had put some strategic thought into her move.   For starters, a biological father in FL has a LOT more leverage than a father in CT.  Actually, there is no comparison with respect to the court system.  In CT, it takes an act of God for a father to be viewed as anything more than a paycheck.  In FL on the other hand, the laws are more conservative and many fathers actually have primary custody of their children (which is almost unheard of in CT).  In short, your ex has put herself in a very good starting position.

Secondly, it was a big mistake on your part to allow this to continue for eight months.  The child is now a residence of CT.  To make matters worse, there is not a court order in place that provides you with any legal rights to the child.  I'm not sure why your ex is even considering going to the mediation in FL; I'm sure her legal counsel would advise her otherwise.

In addition, the courts typically will not allow extended possession of a child until he/she is at least three years old.  This isn't set in stone, but is a general rule.  So any notion of you being able to keep the child in FL, away from the mother in CT, should be expelled quickly.

So how do you fix this? You need to start by getting in front of a judge in CT (unless you can somehow convince the ex to do it in FL) , get paternity established and get some rights to your child (preferably join-custody).  You need to make this happen ASAP.  If the ex is dragging her feet, then find out where she lives (county, etc) in CT and start the process there.  I'm sure you can call around, speak with some attorneys, explain your situation and make it happen (over the phone) once you pay the retainer, etc.  Either way, and however you do it, you absolutely must get some rights to your child ASAP.  You have nothing otherwise.

Best Regards,
-Jeff