Mediator & Visitation -Advice Needed

[Vanillaskydiver]

My situation in a nutshell;

I like in Seattle WA

I have been a divorced non-custodial parent of two children , now 10 & 11, for several years. My ex and I have a parenting plan in place. I pay the agreed upon child support bi weekly and have never fallen behind. I have my children staying at my home every other weekend and a one week vacation in February. I've never missed a visit (except for illness and with fair warning) or abused the arrangement.

My problem: My ex has adopted a lesbian lifestyle and lives with her aggressive, angry "wife" as well as my children. They have never refused my right to see my children or defied our agreement but they DO take every opportunity to make it a miserable experience to pick up and drop off my children. They scream if I'm 15 minutes early..They scream if I'm 15 mins late.. They curse and call me vulgar names in front of the children. My children have even told me that my name is never mentioned in their house without "A**hole" being added. For my part, I dont engaged in name calling and argueing. I just gather up my children and leave.

I've written to my ex in civil, businesslike e-mails asking that she and her 'wife' refrain from acting that way. She simply rants and raves and characterizes my mail as an attack on them and CCs her response to everyone in my family.. kids , relatives, etc

In addition, theyve taken to telling the children that they 'dont have to go with dad if they dont want to' (if they have other plans) Then they encourage them to "Opt Out' of spending time with me by promising them other activities on my weekends (movies, daytrips, etc)

I believe they are full on engaged in Parental Alienation but I realize this would be hard to document and expensive to act on. I'm not a wealthy man.

I dont think its healthy for the children to see these confrontations . Ive heard that a mediator of sorts can be hired to facilitate exchanging children for visitation at a neutral location so theres a minimum of contact between parties. I havent been able to find anyone advertising this service though.

Can anyone tell me if this type servcice exists and if so, who I might contact to get more info?

Regards,

Jake

[janM]

I would start documenting this behavior. Take a witness with you. If it's legal in your state, take a mini tape recorder, or have your witness video tape the exchange. It will either improve their attitude, or be evidence in court for either changing the pickup place to somewhere like a police station (which has video cameras), or for getting a restraining order on her "wife" so that she is not allowed to attend pickups and dropoffs due to the harrassment.

Ask your local court house if they can recommend a mediator.

This type of thing (PAS) is hard to overcome, even with legal intervention. I am glad that the kids are old enough to see what's happening and they spend enough time with you to realise you're not the ogre they are making you out to be.

Document, also, any times you are denied parenting time. Download the Time Tracker (free) or Optimal (for a fee) from this site. See if you can legally tape phone calls in your state. Read all the relevant articles on this site, too. Double-click on any word to get references to it.

Good luck and keep on taking the high road.