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Petty...but need help with wording

Started by HeavenSent, May 27, 2005, 09:25:20 AM

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HeavenSent

Because BM is SO volatile, and not to mention court is right around the corner, we have to watch every word we say.  And right now it is very hard to be objective and communicate with her without malice and / or sarcasm.

Here's the story...11 yr old SS told us weeks ago that BM enrolled him in summer camp that will both begin and end on our weekend (June 11-18), and that BM will be providing his transportation.  He immediately took it back, realizing he had slipped and told us something he wasn't supposed to have told.

Have had no communication with BM, so we're getting ready to send her an e-mail:

"I understand Son will be going to a summer camp.  That is great!  

Me and Son look forward to spending time together as scheduled on May 27, 28, 29, June 3, 4, 5, 10, 11, 12, 17, 18,19, etc.  Since his camp has been planned for many weeks and I have not gotten any information from you, I assume it will not interfere with any of these dates.

Please tell me the plans for his camp such as dates, times, what camp it is, and where it will be, etc.

Thank You."

I would appreciate any input from a disinterested 3rd party.  It is always difficult not to hiss and snarl when communicating with PAS/BM.
Thanks!

Everyside

I think you need to change it some.  By starting out saying you think camp is great, she is going to have leverage to say that you should just give up your time with Son.  Also, it lets her know that Son spilled the beans and could cause her to drill him further on how to keep secrets from Dad.  

Try something like this:

I am writing to clarify my summer dates with Son so there is no confusion.  The dates Son is going to be with me are as follows: May 27, 28, 29, June 3, 4, 5, 10, 11, 12, 17, 18,19, etc.

Since there has been no communication from you regarding a need to trade dates, I am going to plan our schedule accordingly.  If you feel we need to discuss the possibility of trading some of these dates, please call or email ASAP so there will be time to work things out.  

If I do not here from you by (pick a date) then I will be unable to change any plans we make and will stick to the parenting schedule as it is set.

That way you let her know that you might change dates but will not give up time.  I'm not the best writer so someone else will probably come up with something better.  I do know that you should never use the word "asssume" when dealing with a difficult ex.  Leaves too much room for them to blame you.

Good luck.

HeavenSent

I do think camp is good for son.  Lots of other issues, but he needs the socialization desperately, so I actually WOULD give up time for him to go there.  Problem is, if pick up & drop off for camp are on my time, I should be able to do that.  But BM is notorious for these stunts, she will use that as a reason to deny my entire two weekends instead of me just missing half a day on the beginning and one day on the end of the trip.

You're right about letting her know son spilled the beans.  That is a huge issue because he will get punishment.  Can't believe I was gonna do that! Thanks!