Wife fooling around

[larrycruz]

     I'll try to make this short as much as I can.
     I have a 5 year old son who is now in kindergarten.  I've been married for eigth ( years now and have tried to file for a divorce four (4) years ago.  The lawyer that I got that time wasn't that knowledgeable so I decided to talk it out with my wife and told her that we try to work it out.  Me and my wife don't get along with almost everything.  She always opposes me in all things and the worst is she kept going back to my times and my ex girlfriends.  At one point, she called and talk to one of my ex-girlfriends.  During that time my life was a disaster - phone calls at work of my wife cursing me and when I get home nagging and cursing - one reason why I filed for a divorce.
     This time, I got suspicious and for no reason bought a phone recorder and started tapping on our phone line.  That is when I learned that my wife is having an affair with her co-worker.  Most of her co-worker knows about their relationship and the worst part is that she brings the guy to my own house and do all this horrible things on my own bed where my son sometimes sleeps.  I've been listening to every conversation on the phone and I learned that they have been doing this for a while.  The guy will come to my house when I'm out for work and sometimes they do it at work - in one of the rooms where my wife works (she is a nurse).
     I am in the process of getting information on how I can get custody of my son.  I have consistently provided all for my family.  My wife quit work when we got married and started to work only last year so she hasn't work for  seven (7) years.  We both put in time for our son but I do most of it.  I take my son to school, I picked him up,  I feed him at night, bath him tutor him with his lessons and this happens four (4) to six (6) days a week because my wife works at night.  I attend to all the parties that he goes to and I take him out all the time.  In short, my son spends most of his time with me than his mom.
     I don't want to go thru the same process as what happened before - having a non-knowledgeable lawyer.  This time, I want to have a very good lawyer who can fight for me and my son.  All I need is to have my son because I know and even people can see that I can better guide and support him thru the years than my wife.  My wife had two kids from the previous marriage and she even let her older sister take care of her older child since the child was four years old.  The daugther grew up with my wife's sister.
     Please help.  I don't know how to start on this.  I also need a very good lawyer.  I am from southern California - San BErnardino.
I'm hoping thru this, someone can enlighten me on some issues I need to know.

[joni]

You need a lawyer certified in family law, you can find one at this site

http://www.aaml.org/directory.htm

Secondly, before you tell your wife anything, you're going to need a 3rd party, objective witness to this.  I would consider hiring a private investigator to follow her and her lover.  

Although you've gotten incriminating information (and information is power) from taping her phone conversations, without her approval to tape, these tapes are illegal and inadmissable in court.  All the more reason to get a good PI.

I would play the tapes for the atty that you hire.  Although they wouldn't be admissable in court, it'll be good for the atty to hear the evidence first hand.  Will get your atty fired up on your behalf.

[wendl]

Document all the time you spend with your child, document when you take him to school and make sure his teacher sees you bringing him.

Put a freeze on all joint accts, banks, credit cards etc. DO NOT LEAVE THE MARITAL HOME.

Find a good board certified family law attorney.

hmm maybe go to work in the am, then leave early and show up with tape recorder in hand, maybe  you can catch the guy over at your house (though it probably won't be admissable in court)

If she calls you at work, try to get someone at work to listen in on the converstation to verify her harrasement.

When filing for custody, try to keep your emotions out, do not bad talk her, show the courts that you are the one most willing to help to facilitate son having a relationship with the other parent.

Download the time tracker from this site to show the amounts of time you have your son.

Read everything you can, do research.

Expect the worse pray for the best.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[4honor]

I will not give you advice on how to win this, but I will give you advice on protecting your child and his future.

1) ALWAYS behave as if you are standing in front of a judge

2) never let your child know ANYTHING about the divorce until he asks, and then explain in the most age appropriate manner that you and the STBX do not get along and that you are going to live in separate homes now. Explain that you and the STBX both love him very much and that nothing can change that. Then address any fears he might have. Do not discuss custody matters or any legal/court matter with him. It is not his job to worry about those things.

3) Do not say anything a child might think is negative about the other parent if your child is at home (kids are sneaky and listen in) - remember a child's perceptions are not your perceptions.

4) Do not let your child know about your STBX's infidelity. He should know nothing about an adult issue like that. If the other man becomes known to your son, tell him that is "Mommy's friend."

5) Do not make your child responsible for your feelings. Do not allow too many negative feelings to be displayed in front of your child -- he can't "fix" it and he should not have to try.

6) Remember, you are the parent. God did not put you on this earth to be your son's friend, but his parent. Your job is to turn the child into a man. Allow him to be a child while raising him to be an adult. It is often a thankless job. He may not like you from time to time, but you are expected to do the right thing for your son regardless of how you feel today. If your child does not yell, "I hate you" at least once a year, you are probably too lenient.

7)  Do not get into the habit of buying your child's love, because they sell it too cheeply and begin to feel that all love is cheap.

8) Do not make your child choose between you and your stbx. Tell him outright that you want him to love you and mommy both as much as his heart can hold.

9) Don't get your child hyped about an activity without first discussing the activity with the other parent. You are setting up the other parent and the child for a rough time. This will come back to bite you.

10) I know you feel like you can't talk with your stbx NOW and that a divorce will make things worse... but you have got to do your best to maintain a civil working relationship. You must be able to communicate on only one issue - the son you both claim to love.

11) DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!!!

[MYSONSDAD]

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