How do I get prepared?

[Indigo Mom]

From my own experience, I have to say...introducing all this "other" stuff sounds great.  But does the Judge want to hear a ton of different things in one hearing?  You know how Judges are...they don't want to hear diddly squat to begin with.  Haven't you paid attention in court?  Judges aren't all "into" hearing the case.  I've seen 2 different Judges actually yawn!  They're not interested in many things at once...even the most simple "thing" seems confusing to our "beloved" judges.  

I'd say that at first, stick to the denial of visitation.  Somehow, someway, you've GOT to see this child.  I went just over a year without ANY contact with my son.  monster wouldn't "let" me, though I was ordered reasonable and liberal parenting time.  (nothing was reasonable for monster)  When my verdict came back, when the DNA test came back, I "assumed" the courts would give me my son.  Nope.  Because my son didn't "know" me anymore.  

I know you want to let the Judge see how rotten your ex is...and that will happen in time.  Focus on the denials right now.  Maybe after a few contempts she'll "allow" you to have your parenting time?  If she does...then you can work on the rest.  If she doesn't...file contempt each and every time.  

It bites.  It truly does.  But, you have to play the game.

As for the unexcused absences and tardies?  If I remember right, your child is in kindergarten?  I don't know about your state, but here?  A child isn't required "by law" to attend school until the age 7.  Sounds silly, but until she reaches that age (if it's the same in your state) those absences and tardies won't matter "too" much..however, it's setting some pretty low standards for your daughter later in life.

[wallyworld85]

My daughter is in 2nd grade right now and in FL with 9 unexcused absences in a 9 week period it is considered truancy.  I hope my ex will eventually have to go to court due to those!

[StPaulieGirl]

My daughter is in 2nd grade right now and in FL with 9 unexcused absences in a 9 week period it is considered truancy. I hope my ex will eventually have to go to court due to those!

[p]Why didn't your girl's mother write a note saying she was ill or had a medical appointment?
[p]My little girl beats your kid out on tardies and absences.  For one thing, school starts at 8:15 am.  The traffic is horrendous, and the fact that she doesn't want to go doesn't help, either.  Her bedtime is reasonable (9 pm), and I wake her up at 7 am.  After that visit from CPS (instigated by ex's new wife and ex) at school, she just doesn't want to go.  Her sense of security has been shattered.  CPS closed their investigation within 2 months, so then the ex wrote letters to the elementary school and high school requesting all their records.  Now the kids are doing worse than they ever have.  My little one was a great student, and very enthusiastic.  My son has had problems since kindergarten, and is now using an injured rib as an excuse not to even bother going.  Both kids know that mom can get into trouble if they refuse to attend.  Hmmmm.....

[p]I spoke to my little one's teachers this afternoon.  They walked my kid to the car and we had a good discussion about everything.  Even though there is no way in hell that she qualifies for RSP,  we're looking into having her tested to ease the pressure on her.  You see, CA has decided to push kids beyond their limits.  I had to review an essay(she's 9 for pete's sake), not to mention geometry homework!  She doesn't know her times tables by heart.  These teachers are afraid of losing their jobs with the new guidelines, but agree as much as they could that these kids are being pushed too fast.

[p]My little one cries and throws up most mornings, because she just can't take it.  This results in too many tardies and absences.  Because your child's mother denies you access to your child, I'm a little wary about saying that maybe your child has a problem going to school, but it's worth a consideration.  CPS didn't interview your girl at school, did they?

[p]Concentrate on her denial of your visitation for now.  Once you get visitation, pussyfoot around about the school problem, and see what she says...jmo

[nosonew]

anything and everything you may need.  IN our case, we brought everything, but if it wasn't mentioned in the contempt charges, we couldn't use it.  However, judges can ask for anything, so perhaps you can mention some of this during testimony (let things slip) and if her atty is stupid enough to call you a liar, you have your proof.  Or the judge could just ask for more info, so go prepared for anything and everything.  Good luck!---And ask for sanctions against her if she continues this behavior!!!!

[Indigo Mom]

I have been reading bits and pieces about your lil miss...with the throwing up and just not wanting to go to school.  Is there, by any chance, another school she can attend?  If she's being pushed into geometry at AGE 9 FORCRYINGOUTLOUD...(sorry, i have issues with the math program here, too), then maybe another school that isn't interested in killing the kids with their new programs is in order?  I don't know how "easy" it would be for you to switch schools, though...but I will say.  These stupid new math programs they're coming out with are pissin' me right the F off.  If a child is completely overwhelmed because of the insane math, or whatever other subject, the child isn't going to "want" to go to school.  

Another thing.  Would a reward thing work with her?  My daughter has started having "issues" about going to school, so for each day she gets ready and shoves off with no problem?  She gets a sticker.  At the end of the week, if she has 5 stickers (or a sticker for each day there was school) she gets to pick her favorite meal and we'll cook it together.  Would your daughter fall for something like that???

I can only imagine how difficult your mornings are...I'm sorry, girl!!!

[StPaulieGirl]

Ever since last year, mornings have been hell.  I went from getting up at 4 am, doing my homework, packing lunches and running the kids to school, to laying in bed dreading the daily fight until the last minute.  It is now 8:38 am.  I spent 20 minutes looking for the little one, and she finally came out from where she was hiding.  This is despite her being there for the whole conversation between her teachers and I.  Like they said, better she's late then not there at all.  They are going to reduce her math homework.   Geometry and fractions.  I suck at geometry and fractions.  This is going to screw her up big time.  The teachers know that this new program is a disaster, but can't be caught actually saying it.

I didn't mention this part of the conversation earlier, but it seems that she told her teacher that she's sick because of "second hand smoke".  Well now that's interesting.  That's the first I've ever heard of that.  That isn't the only lie she's told a teacher.  Last year, she had after school math help, and kept walking home (she wasn't allowed to walk home by herself last year), saying after school tutoring was cancelled.  I got so angry that I called her teacher, and found out that my girl was telling the teacher that she or her brother had doctor's appointments!  That's bad :-(

I think I see the fine hand of the pbfh and his enabler.  A teacher would know what would raise a red flag in another teacher.  Second hand smoke.  What a nerve!  His mother smoked around the kids, and she babysat them on Mr. Wonderful's visitation so he could find a woman.

I'm going to reluctantly write a letter requesting that she be tested for learning disabilities.  If we can fudge the results, it will take the heat off both her and her teachers.

I also want to explain to them what is going on with her father.  This is something that I will not get into with the kids present.  They need to be aware of the mindgames that this child is subjected to.  I am reluctant to air my dirty laundry in "real life", but I think they need to know.  She loves her daddy, and even though he rubs her nose in the dirt, she will always try and make him happy.  If getting in trouble in school makes him happy, then guess what.  This crap has to end before she starts ditching school and smoking pot.

I still know a lot of people where we used to live, and once I get this probate nightmare over with, I'm going to get on the phone if they still teach up there.  My son is still in bed.  Yesterday, he locked his bedroom door, so I said to hell with it and went with my friend to some junkyards to find a truck door for a restoration project.  I had to get out of the house.  He didn't appear until 3 pm.  I'm going to have to talk with someone at the high school about the problem.  I couldn't discuss it because the boy was present at the last meeting.  

There are many alternative educational options where we're moving.  I'm going to look into all of them.  Even though homeschooling is the best option, but I don't know if I could handle that.  I need to find a part time job, and I also want to continue college.  Considering no matter where you go, the school has to adhere to the California Dept of Edjukashun.  So I'm thinking Christian school, or Charter school, where she would go once a week for her tests and homework assignments.  Charter schools are quite popular up there, but it only works if the student is motivated.

I tried the reward system to help motivate her to do her chores, no dice :-(  

Btw, Angus is doing better.  He quit doing the messy stuff, but he's still chewing his legs.  He hates my friend's kitten.  We keep the kitten in my room, because last week one of the kids left the door open and he escaped.  We found that Angus wouldn't let him back into the house, so the kitten was hiding in the bushes.

[MixedBag]

Call the BOE and ask who handles truancies -- and then turn your situation over to the EX.....for the truancies.