Question regarding paying for college expenses?

[TheOriginalKingpin]

It's been a while.  I hope everyone has been doing well.  Quick update.  My two oldest kids from my first marriage are now 24 and 18.  The 24 year old has got some issues regarding independent life skills.....i.e. Mom still pays for the car, I pay for car insurance, and it appears that she's going to stick me with a 17K student loan that I cosigned for her.  LOL...oddly enough that isn't the problem.  Well it is a problem...but a known one.

TThe issue at hand.....my 18 year old is getting ready to hit college, and my ex is going ballistic about splitting college expenses 50/50.  Her and her new husband pull in about 500K a year....I can not boast nearly the same robust bottom line, plus I've got three additional children with my new wife.  My day care expenses per year are almost 14K per year.  I can't afford to split college expenses 50/50.  The last time I checked there was nothing that said that parents were "responsible" for paying for college costs?  Is that still the case?  Don't get me wrong, I intend to help out, but I just can't go toe to toe with my ex when it comes to spending money.  This is in Ohio by the way.

[Kitty C.]

Has either parent talked to the daughter to ask her what HER respponsibility will be in all this??  Sorry, but it just rubs me raw when not only will parents go into debt up to their eyeballs for the rest of their lives because they THINK they HAVE to pay for their adult child's higher education, but that the adult child EXPECTS it. 

I'd be sitting down with the child and reminding them they are an ADULT now and with it comes many responsibilities.  If the child hasn't talked to counselors at school about grants, scholarships, and/or student loans, then it's time to get busy.  The child should also expect to pay as much of his/her way while in school by getting a PT job.

I would also hope that the child would realize (unless they've had their head in the sand for the past 6-8 months) that the country is going through a financial crisis right now.  If the BM thinks that she 'owes' the child a college education or that it is her 'responsibility' to finance it, then that's HER privilege.  You can't change her mind or stop her.  But unless it is court ordered that both parents must contribute equally to the child's education, she can't force you to do anything.

And I apologize if my post sounds abrasive..........it's just one of those issues that gets under my skin.  There is a provision in DH's CO that when SS is ready for college, all 'inheritances' must be utilized before contributions by either parent.  Because DH brought it up in court that BM's rich uncle had left an inheritance for nieces and nephews for their college educations.  But the order stops there and does not mention that either parent is obligated in any way to completely finance SS's education.  That's fine..........I have no problem with that whatsoever.  But SS will have to figure out how to finance the rest of his education, because it will not come from us.  He will be an adult then and it will be his responsibility to figure it out.  I know that there are those who might disagree with me but unless they change the age of majority to 21, my responsibility to my child ends when he turns 18.  If I choose to contribute, that would be my choice.........but you can't get blood from a turnip and I won't give what I don't have.

Getting off my soapbox now............

[TheOriginalKingpin]

Thanks for the reply.  The 24 year old already played this game pretty well.  Her mother pretty much paid the majority of ther college expenses.  She choose a 20K a year private school......because that is where her boyfriend was going.  I helped out with some of the tuition, bought here a computer, paid for all of her books and fees, and of course(stupidly) cosigned a 15K student loan....which with interest accumilating is now 17K.

The 18 year old is much more responsible and her expectations are more in line with reality.  She has a mild case of CP which makes it more difficult for her to really "pay her own way", but she does understand the money is tight all the way around.  I have told her that if her mother does try to "stick me" with the whole bill that I could only afford to send her to a community college for the first two years.  After those two year, I may be able to provide more money, because my daycare expenses will go down as my younger kids start going to school fulltime.

However, my ex is actively avoiding me....which at face value is fine with me....but in the past this has always been a flag for pending legal action.  I checked and my case still shows as closed.....but I've just got that feeling that she's up to something.  We have nothing written in our divorce decree that states that either of us is responsible for college costs......so I was just curious if there was any kind of recent precedent that would allow her to come back at me to pay more than I felt I could afford to pay.  Thanks for taking the time to read.

Mike

[gemini3]

There is no case law to back-up a claim to compel and NCP to pay college tuition in Ohio.  In fact, while in many states child support is continued until 22 if a child is enrolled in a secondary school,  Ohio does not have that stipulation.  Your obligation ends at 18 or graduation from high school, whichever comes first, unless you have an order that states otherwise.

[Kitty C.]

*chuckle*  If your ex wants to take you back to court to try to force you to pay a share of college expenses, then I guess she'll also have to suck up the legal costs she'll incur as well!  I'd double check your state laws, but I know of NO state that requires separated parents to split college costs.  It would be unconstitutional, as it would mean that ALL parents, married or otherwise, would have to pay as well.  So if she 'hints' about filing to you, tell her if she wants to waste her money, that's her choice, but it would be better spent on her daughter, if she's that gung-ho about her education being paid for.  Because she won't get any satisfaction from the court.

It does sound like your youngest has a good head on her shoulders and you might want to have another conversation with her.....because your ex cannot 'stick' you with half the cost of tuition.  And if she needs help with researching for scholarships, grants, and loans, you could certainly help her with that.  With her diagnosis, it's is VERY possible that she might be eligible for more than she realizes.  There are some good web sites out there (I just don't have the addys available at the moment) about how to apply for them and what the requirements are.  And I think there's even a site for kids with special needs....if I can track them down, I will forward them on to you.  So if you and your daughter can tap into these resources, there's no reason why she can't go to the school of her choice, without you having to finance a large tuition bill.

[ocean]

Maybe not in your state but in NY it is part of most divorces...Child support and college costs to 21 or 22 if finishing college. It has already gone to court with a child of "married-together" parents who tried to sue for college costs because he friends divorced parents are paying....she lost in court...

[awakenlynn]

IL specifies that parents cover college costs.  Can't remember the exact details, I think in general support continues until a child is like 22/23.  It's been alittle while since I looked.  Our case started in IL, but ex has since moved it to TX.  So I started researching there.  Child support ends at 18/upon high school graducation, whichever is later.

We will sit down and talk to SD and we will help HER out, not ex.  We don't have alot of money and she knows this.  She also knows she will be expected to look at scholarships, Pell, other grants, work part-time.  We will help with something like car insurance and books, of course I think insurance still covers her if she is in college.

We have 2 years left and are waiting for ex to figure it out.

[MixedBag]

Nice to see you!

EX#3 was divorced in Ohio and nothing in his order required him to pay while the kids went or are going to college.

I think you've got the right idea about handling your 18 year old -- geez, has it been THAT long?

Offer to do what you can and deal directly with your child.

Let your child know what options you can handle or help with and what options are beyond what you can do.

I think quite honestly, if you helped or did something for the oldest, then you should for the next one too.  Maybe not to the same level, but something.

Good luck!

And folks, yes there are states that support the notion that divorced parents MUST help their kids through college and you can add Alabama to that list.

Even for federal financial aid, the government asks for the income of the parents where the child lives and then expects the parents to assist the child, so "intact" families -- are still expected to help.  It's just not in the form of a family order and child support where if you don't pay, you won't get into trouble.