2 VERY Importamt Questions, 2nd one is VERY serious

[evalisto2005]

1) The Mediator/Custody Evaluator has not gotten back to me for quite a while. My son's mother and I are court ordered to go two more times (I'm the one suing for custody). Last time I spoke with him he said that she kept calling him whenever she had a complaint and he said with his own words that he's sick of her. She was court ordered to pay for her half but I told the Mediator/Custody Evaluator that I'd pay her half, provide transportation (because her license is suspended), and would cover all baby sitter costs and arrangements. He said that he'd tell her that and he'd get back to me as soon as he heard from her. He said that he was having to "hunt her down". I left a message for the Mediator letting him know that I have documantation that I feel he needs to see, and that I'd pay him for going over it (because there's so much).

The end of October was the last time that we had really spoken much and we played phone tag before Thanksgiving. I tried to touch base with him but didn't call back.

He did however type up stipulations for visitation and a few other things so that they would be court ordered before Christmas.

Can any one think of a reason why he'd not be calling me back or trying to schedule anything? At first he was relentless in hunting down my son's mother to schedule Mediation and he got back to me always.

2) When I'm back at Mediation again I need to bring up and show my documention of something serious. It happened last year but I didn't get to bring it up during mediation because my son's mother won't shut up.

She and her fiance and friends kept driving to my ex's place when I was there and kept vandalizing my ex's property. They kept driving around her place ALL the time. I saw my son's mother as clear as day and got the plate number of a few of the cars that she was a passenger in.

One morning when I got up my ex's tires were slashed and her car was damaged really bad. I went to check my tires and I saw that a lug nut cover was missing. To remove it some one had to use a lug wrench. I checked all wheels and three of them had all the nuts loosened. That was meant to make one wheel fall off, then the impact would cause two more wheels to fall off, and then my car would have exploded from impact or at least been stuck dragging around in circles or flipping over. In the police report the police only said things about my car getting egged and my ex's car being vandalized but nothing about the lug nuts even though I reported that.

I thought that I should tell the Mediator what the allegations are, and that I'll pay for myself and every person that I say was involved to take a lie detector test, and also that I'll pay them each $200.00 to have the test done. I know that the test results are not admissable in court but me offering could show how sertious I am. Also, my son's mother would say "Those tests are inadmissable in court, so there!" instead of denying the allegations. Also, turning down an easy $200.00 when she's not even working while she doesn't even care about clearing herself would help, at least I think so.

I can't get over the fact that she had her fiance and friends try to literally end my life and she could have had some one call my cell phone to tip me off to save my life but she didn't.

Any suggestions? I noticed that the Mediator writes things down every time my son's mother lies, and every time that she blames me for getting evidence against her instead of denying serious allegations.



Thanks for reading this.

[hagatha]

Just reading your post I got the impression you are trying to bury your ex, and are willing to pay to do it. He may be getting the impression you are attempting to bribe him. While I can understand where you're coming from, you look vindictive.

I would suggest you back off. You need to focus only on your relationship with your son. Nothing else. What she did to you last year or 2 yrs ago no longer matters. If something similar happens again, notify the police and prosecute her.

The mediator is there to settle disputes between you and the ex as it pertains to your parenting time. That is his only concern. If you are getting the time ordered by the court, and things are working in that area, you don't need to contact him.

The Witch

[SLYarnell]

I really miss the chat times we all used to share.  Things here are really interesting.  We have moved to California, are now just about a 6 hour drive from SD.  She will be 15 in February and is making some real strides in her relationship with us.  She still feels the need to live with guardian but it is now more out of a sense of fear that he will abandon her than her sense of family connection.  I think things will change in 2006,  she has a boyfriend that she is hiding from guardian and she wont be allowed a "boyfriend" for more than another year, a year is a LONG time in the life of a 15yo... and we really like him he is a sweet thing that is very good to and for her.  I have some new pics if you would like to see them.

How are YOU?

*kicks 2005 out the door*

Sly

[evalisto2005]

>
>
>Just reading your post I got the impression you are trying to
>bury your ex, and are willing to pay to do it. He may be
>getting the impression you are attempting to bribe him. While
>I can understand where you're coming from, you look
>vindictive.
>
>I would suggest you back off. You need to focus only on your
>relationship with your son. Nothing else. What she did to you
>last year or 2 yrs ago no longer matters. If something similar
>happens again, notify the police and prosecute her.
>
>The mediator is there to settle disputes between you and the
>ex as it pertains to your parenting time. That is his only
>concern. If you are getting the time ordered by the court, and
>things are working in that area, you don't need to contact
>him.
>
>The Witch

No, I am trying to do what is best for my son. It is not a bribe to pay some one for doing their job instead of telling them to spend hours of their time for free.

No, the mediator isn't just working on visitation. He is also the custody evaluator. Yes, I want my son's mother in prison. She keeps my son around a crack dealer (her mother) that has people that want them dead, and the crack head even had a convicted rapist/convicted killer living with them. She keeps trying to frame me, blah blah blah. She's guilty of this and that and is a threat to my son's life and mine = she belongs in prison.

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

It could be a few things (any or all of the following):

1) The evaluator is buried in cases and doesn't manage his time well.

2) You're just as annoying to the evaluator as the mother.

3) The evaluator has made up his mind, and no further information from you is needed.


In my own 7-month custody evaluation, the evaluator met with me 3 times.  He met with my ex 9 times.

In the report, he basically had no serious issues with me nor did he find any psychological issues at play with me.

He DID report some abnormal psychological issues in the mother, but he concluded that they did not significantly impair her abilities as a parent.

So, I assume he stopped meeting with me because he was done assessing me and had heard enough from me.  Whereas he continued to meet with the mother to determine just how severe (or not) her problems were.

As to the allegations of attempting to kill you, without even a police report noting the specific incident, you are going to sound VERY paranoid and nutty.  I strongly suggest you don't bring it up and simply get into the habit of checking your vehicle before driving it.

Further, you may wish to install security lights on your driveway (you can get motion-activited floodlights for $30 at Home Depot) and also install a security camera for your driveway.

If you can't afford a security camera, you can purchase a "dummy" one for less than $50.  It looks like the real thing, it has a red light on it, and it can really help dissuade vandals.

[evalisto2005]

>Hi,
>
>It could be a few things (any or all of the following):
>
>1) The evaluator is buried in cases and doesn't manage his
>time well.
>
>2) You're just as annoying to the evaluator as the mother.
>
>3) The evaluator has made up his mind, and no further
>information from you is needed.
>
>
>In my own 7-month custody evaluation, the evaluator met with
>me 3 times.  He met with my ex 9 times.
>
>In the report, he basically had no serious issues with me nor
>did he find any psychological issues at play with me.
>
>He DID report some abnormal psychological issues in the
>mother, but he concluded that they did not significantly
>impair her abilities as a parent.
>
>So, I assume he stopped meeting with me because he was done
>assessing me and had heard enough from me.  Whereas he
>continued to meet with the mother to determine just how severe
>(or not) her problems were.
>
>As to the allegations of attempting to kill you, without even
>a police report noting the specific incident, you are going to
>sound VERY paranoid and nutty.  I strongly suggest you don't
>bring it up and simply get into the habit of checking your
>vehicle before driving it.
>
>Further, you may wish to install security lights on your
>driveway (you can get motion-activited floodlights for $30 at
>Home Depot) and also install a security camera for your
>driveway.
>
>If you can't afford a security camera, you can purchase a
>"dummy" one for less than $50.  It looks like the real thing,
>it has a red light on it, and it can really help dissuade
>vandals.
>
>

Hi and thank you. Hopefully it's #3. Here I may come across as nothing but brutal or overly concerned but I don't think that I'm annoying to him, I didn't contact him much. I do think that everything from my case alone is enough to kind of bury some one. There's just so much to go over and he has to research a lot of things (criminal records, psyche records, etc.).
Surprisely, this year at Mediation my son's mother didn't say anything bad about me other than she hates that I took my son to a doctor when he had pneumonia, I had developmental evals done for my son because she wouldn't, and she said that I'm a hypocondriac (not true).

Yes, I realized that I shouldn't bring up the "attempted killing" part. The vandalism stopped and I always check before getting into car.

Knowing that some one else's eval took 7 months makes me feel better. I thought that mine would be done sooner than it was.

Thanks for the advice.