Are there any other step parents out there...

[rhelle]

The kids range in age from 7-13. Per the divorce decree, they are supposed to have email accounts set up solely for the purpose of emailing H, but she doesn't allow them on the computer.  He provides a cell phone for them, so they may talk. Sometimes, he gets them. Sometimes, he doesn't. The kids tend to misplace the phone or forget to charge it and she is hands off, saying it's not her responsibility. He does have the home number, but I've seen him leave messages on both phones for a week and never get a response. I don't think she tells the kids that he calls.

He filed through the state. He didn't have any choice, as she filed a request for child support with the State, originally. As far as the legal route, we simply don't have the money for it. We thought we MIGHT have it for the mediation, but it turns out we will not. So, that's out, too. I suppose she's smarter than I give her credit for.  If she completely bankrupts him, she's got a pretty good chance he'll never take her to court, because he can't afford it. So, we're left with me looking to get a second job just to make ends meet.

It's completely insane. I had no idea there were women that acted this way, and I certainly had no idea that dads could get the shaft like this. In MY particular case, when my ex didn't pay child support, the state didn't care. I can recall being told by the AG's office that I should consider myself lucky for getting ANYTHING when I called because he was very behind. He was up to 2 years behind at one point, and they didn't do anything to him. Nothing. When he finally started paying again, they added $17 a week to his payment and that was it.  He never carried insurance, either, and I was told I'd simply have to pay for medical bills myself and then submit a request for a 50% reimbursement. As they couldn't even make him pay child support, I decided it wasn't prudent to waste my time.

[ocean]

He can file modifications himself in family court. Many courts now have the forms online. You fill them out, send them in, they send you a packet, somethings you have to have her served (pay a company to do near her- $75 here, some places have the sheriff do it) and go to court on the date they sent you. The papers are free here to file, I have heard some places charging a small fee to file yourself.

You have to pick you battles but they are getting older so if you have some contact now, then maybe you can have contact with phones/emails/facebooks especially with the 13 year old. Send letters, cards for all (even little holidays). Contact their school and get online access or grades mailed to you, then send them a good job card/flowers.

Anything court ordered and she does not do, you can file contempt of court papers (same way as above). These papers are a little more serious and she has to go tell a judge why she is not following the court orders. (having email access, phone calls). Then you can ask for exact times/days this will happen.

He can try a registered letter (to prove he sent it).
Ex,
According to the court order dated XXX, it states the kids and I will have email access, phone calls....(quote that part). I have tried to contact them on XX dates and have left messages. Please have the kids call me weekly to see how they are doing. If you want to set up a day/time that I can talk to them each week, let me know when is good. Otherwise I will call every XX at XX. If they are not available, please have them call me within 24 hours. I really miss them and want to be a part of their lives as much as possible.
THank you
You

If she still refuses, (keep track, dates/times, keep phone bills) then you can send a stronger worded one that you will file contempt charges if you do not hear from the kids weekly.

It is hard to deal with a nutty ex, plus the distance does not help.

[rhelle]

He does have access to school records, which is great. We do send cards, letters, and gifts. The kids sometimes send letters back, if Mom will provide them with stamps. We bought quite a few stamps and envelopes at Thanksgiving so they'd have supplies available, but strangely they're all gone now.

Thank you all very much for your advice. I think when we are further along we will see about going the court route, but for now, we simply can't afford to drive to Utah to go to court each time she does something wrong. I looked into the contempt filings and from everything I've been able to find, it seems WE have to appear if we file a contempt charge...so that's out, too.

I guess for now we'll just wait and see. Hopefully, we'll get to see the kids this summer, even if it's just a day or so.

[MixedBag]

sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.

EX#3's EX -- jurisdiction was NV, he was either in OH or AL....yeah, long road trip but the goal was to keep his three children in his life, and it worked.

For me, jurisdiction is 750 miles away....me AL, court WV.  It's just one of those things that's a top priority, like milk, eggs, and toilet paper.

[rhelle]

I agree 100%....unless, of course, one is struggling to buy milk, eggs, and toilet paper. 

There's just no extra money. We are now living payday to payday and coming up short at the end of every week. And, we don't do "extravagant" things. We have no home phone, no internet, no cable. We don't eat out. None of us have had new clothes in months, not even socks. The animals can't go to the vet. We have no lawnmower, even.

We went from doing really well and being able to afford fun things and trips to barely being able to eat. We've had several weeks in a row where we're surviving on sandwiches and kool aid. It's bad news, man.