Are there any other step parents out there...

[rhelle]

Never mind. Made me feel like a jerk.

[MixedBag]

of course there are!!!...hugs!

[Kitty C.]

There sure are, rhelle.  And many of us 'cross over'...........being step-moms AND bio-moms.  I consider that a distinct advantage, as it makes it easier to see both sides of the fence, so to speak.

If you have any step-parent issues, don't hesitate to post it here!

[rhelle]

I just hate feeling like a jerk when I'm angry about things, is all.

I have two children of my own. Their father and I split up over 10 years ago. While we had our obvious parenting disagreements, our issues were never placed on someone else's shoulders.  Based on my own experience, I simply have zero tolerance for what's going on in our current situation.

And, I really HATE having to pay for their stupid battles.

[Kitty C.]

I hear ya...........DS's dad and I had extreme differences (let's put it this way...if I hadn't been so young and 1800 miles away from home, I would have had him charged with assault, as he almost broke my neck).  I can't say that it was easy from the start regarding custody, but time and distance had a way of opening our eyes, healing wounds, and forgiving.  He went from trying to have me charged with child abuse (in CA and IA and it was totally unfounded) to telling me I was doing a great job as a mother!

Then I meet DH and he has a PBFH (Psycho Bitch From Hell) for an ex and I am the 'evil stepmother' until her second husband divorces her.  Then suddenly I'm okay, but she still has neurotic issues at times.  Thankfully, SS will be 18 in Feb. and graduates in a year..........after that, we'll only have to deal with her at his wedding or future graduations!  So we are counting down the DAYS! 

Hang in there, rhelle..........but ANYtime you need to vent, this is the place to come.  Here, you will have the 'ear' of people who have been where you're at and lived to tell about it....we understand what you're going through.  And sometimes you just have to get it off your chest.....better to dump here then on a loved one. 

[MixedBag]

Yea....and I'm truly a MixedBag...

A CP to my two girls, who are emancipated, but their dad still takes every opportunity to stab me, and has also told me "I'm a great mom" to our girls.

An NCP to my son....well CP for 2 years, then NCP again when he fell in "lust".....

A Step-NCP, so EX#3's pain was really understood by me as I too was an NCP to my son.

A Step-CP, as EX#3's children one by one left their mom and came to live with us....

And now he's an EX#3 though....so, back to just my kids.

HOWEVER, all three of my former steps keep in touch with me, and EX#3 did something absolutely shocking last month.....

EX#1 and I never "used the children" either in our quarrels, well in the end I find out that he badmouthed me to the girls all the time, until they told him to knock it off.  And he has to be reminded quite often.  As the CP I didn't play games -- he has no clue what that's all about.

EX#2 and Camilla are not like that....printed off what I posted here and let my son read it....then twisted my words to mean something they didn't. 

EX#3's EX was at it at the same time......printed off what I posted here and showed it to their 3 kids......

And yes, it all backfired in the end.

Many of those who help here ARE Step-moms helping out their honeys deal with the situation.....but you will find all kinds.

[rhelle]

I guess I am just angry that I have to work twice as hard to make ends meet, because she lies her face off every chance she gets. And I'm also angry that I seem to be the only one that wants to stop the madness.  My children shouldn't have to go without things they want/need so SHE and her unemployed couch potato can buy snowmobiles.  I signed on for better or worse, not for making his PBFH happy.

I feel like a jerk because I am angry at him for not having his shit together first. He doesn't have to deal with anything from my ex. Nothing. Even though my ex doesn't pay child support, my children are covered. I made sure I could take care of us a long time ago, without someone else. Now, here I am, having to take care of someone else and we're paying for it. It's just frustrating.

[ocean]

I hear ya...still paying off lawyer bills. His ex has gone bankrupt twice since I known her. All bills keep being wiped out. She has us pay half of braces and puts her half into her bankruptcy.

Is there anything he can be doing? Can he go for a downward modification if his finances changed? Is he giving extra?

Some people here have separate accounts. One for the household bills according to the percentage each one brings in. Then the rest go into your own accounts to be spent as you want. SO if he wants to spend more money on them, it comes out of HIS paychecks IF he has it. Have him write those checks to pay those bills.

It took me years to learn to not care about his ex. We now laugh at what she does...she is full of drama and a train wreck.

[rhelle]

He filed for a modification in January. We are STILL waiting for the result. In the meantime, the state is simply taking 50% of his pay. According to the State of Utah, it can take 6 to 9 months to process a modification, and she has the right to dispute the final amount, thus taking longer.

He doesn't have enough to pay household bills because of all she's done. If he didn't have me, he'd not bring home enough money to even pay rent on an efficiency apartment. That's not including bills, gasoline, and groceries. He doesn't even bring in enough to rent something. He'd be completely destitute. I absolutely WISH I was exaggerating.

He was originally ordered to pay 35% of his income in Texas. We moved, he took a large cut in pay, he filed for the modification in Texas. At the same time, she filed the second order for child support in Utah, without stopping the order in Texas. She waited 60 days before she stopped the order in Texas, even though the State of Utah TOLD her she had to do it, ASAP. After she did all of that, THEN she filed for the change of jurisdiction.

During all of this, and the nasty emails she sends about getting her child support, she got a LARGE distribution from his retirement plan. In total, she only actually went 4 weeks without child support, and then received thousands of dollars in retirement.

In short, I'm the only one who makes enough money to pay our bills and we're struggling. A LOT. We can't really afford for him to get his children, to be honest. And if we could, we'd have to pay for daycare, as their divorce decree states they cannot stay alone. On top of that, SHE has to approve our daycare choice before the kids can even go.

It's a complete clusterf***.

[ocean]

Ugg...

How old are the kids?
Can you set up skype on the computer and have video visits for now? Are they old enough to have email or facebook?
If the mother will not do it, you can ask for modification so that on certain days at a certain time, she is to have the kids go on computer for visit. You can do the same for phone calls. Her idiot emails, IGNORE and laugh it off as she has nothing better to do then try to piss you guys off. Answer very short and to the point ONLY IF she really needs an answer. The rest IGNORE.


Wow, the modifications take a long time there! Did you go to court or through the state for modification? You should be able to file in family court and get a result in a few weeks (at least here).