UGGGGGG!!!!!! X isn't being cooperative now!!!!!!!

[backwardsbike]

Hi!

I just read all the other posts.  I am sorry for your pain with your recent shoulder surgery.  

Being incapacitated can make one very vulnerable.  I am sure you were looking forward to seeing your girls.  I am also well aware of how much it hurts to realize that you will miss a visit.  I suffer chronic back pain and just went on disability this past July.  Some days the pain makes me crazy!  I just want to lash out at anything that moves.  That is why I practice self hypnosis.  It keeps me centered and in control.

I do not find it surprising that you are so angry with your ex right now.  It seems like such a simple thing and it would make you ( and no doubt your girls) so happy.  I do not know how long you have been divorced but there is that stage we go through when we realize that our relationship with our former partner has changed forever and irretrievably.  I still remember the exact moment when that happened for me.

We were in mediation and some point or other was being discussed.  My ex was not agreeing with me and was not willing to listen to the mediator.  He was making it clear that these kids were gonna be raised in a "on my time/ on your time" fashion.  We didn't have an especially happy marriage but one thing we could do was work together.  We had bulit a house that a lot of people said we would never build.  But we are both bright, hard working people and we did it.  It seemed that no matter what the state of our union was we could always accomplish things.  Any way, that day in mediation was when I realized that that had come to an end.  There would be no more "joint ventures".  I now know it is a normal part of the separation process.  But on that day the pain of the realization was visceral.  I had to end the mediation session early and I cried for hours.  I think that is actually the day my marriage ended.  

We have to learn to create boundaries for ourselves.  If not how would we ever stand the pain of dealing with people whom we once loved on an every day basis.  Your ex now has a life of his own to lead,  just as you do.  You no longer hold the same priority for him that you once did.  Yes his doing the transportation would have made it easier on you, but as the others said,he's not gonna do it this time.

It seems he has made some attempt to make up the time or at least said he would.  That is good.  A lot of ex's would not.  At any rate, you aren't getting your visit this time.  Yes, it is painful.  But to live well you must aknowledge this pain and then move on.  Maybe the answer lies in enlarging your social circle so that you have more support on which to draw.  Maybe the answer lies in nailing down the transportation part of your order

Whatever you decide to do, please remember that if you allow yourself to be consumed with anger it will eat you alive.  It seems like you have much to be thankful for.  You have kids that you get to see.  Not everyone does.  Your shoulder will heal and give you less pain.  Your ex is at least some of the time willing to compromise ( what I wouldn't give for that).  Count your blessings.  And live well, you deserve it.