Telephone Access--Is this contempt?

[hutch0927]

New here with a question.....I'm the ncp to my 7 year old son. He lives with his mother and stepfather about 30 minutes away from me.  My visitation schedule is e/o/w, alternating holidays and 4 weeks in the summer. This was the 1st summer of 4 weeks (it used to be 2 weeks) and he came for 2 weeks in June and 2 weeks in July. When he came in June, he was homesick and was calling his mother everyday, often crying or whining about going home. I'm not sure why he was so homesick but I really felt like it was worse after he talked to his mom. I talked with him and explained that I understood he missed his mom but that I also missed him when he wasn't with me and that i'd like us to spend this time together. I told him that he could only call him mom every other day instead of every day when he came back in July for the 2 weeks. Well, he came and that seemed to work out ok. He still wanted to call but he accepted this e/o day telephone rule. Well, once he got home I get a letter from him mom saying that my son was very upset with this telephone rule and that I had no right to restrict him like that. She says that he is going through alot (his mom is expecting a baby next month, they just moved to a new house and he'll be going to a new school) and that he's a little clingy to her. She says I am violating our court order but telling our son he can only call e/o day. The court order says that "each parent will have telephone access to the child when he is with the other parent & will be given a telephone number when the child can be reached.  If the child is not available, the call must be returned within 24 hrs. It also states that the child is to have unrestricted telephone access to either parent.." His mother is saying by my telling him he can only call e/o day that is "restricting" and that I can not do it and would be in contempt of the court order. Is this true and would a judge really look at this seriously?

[fairness]

Homesickness is a normal feeling. It may have seemed he was worse after talking with Mom and you thought you were making it better. A judge probably won't see it that way. Since it was only this one time I don't think they could hold you in contempt. It says child can call as much as he wants.
A couple suggestions for next time to make it better:
homesickness is worse at night, so make some routines at your home that make him feel at home- like having the same comforter on your bed that he has at home, or certain toys that come and go back and forth. Routines such as night prayers or certain habits may make child feel  at home in your home.
At seven year old doesn't just miss Mom he misses the neighborhood friends and things in that home (pets toys routines), since it's only 30 minutes away have some of his buddies come over for play dates or a sleep over, this will give him something to look forward to and connections that he craves.
Tell son  that next time you will let son call whenever he wants, turn it around in your mind if he was at Mom's and she stopped him from calling you you might not like it either. A seven year old boy generally only talks five minutes and can't really socialize well by phone
Maybe if he really gets homesick have Mom's picture or have her come visit him for an hour during the two week streach - I know you aren't going to like that suggestion but it might make son less "mopy".
Last suggestion- exercise helps alot - they sleep better in general.

[dsm]

I think that you did right by telling him that e/o day is okay.  At 7 years old, your son is capable of drawing a card or picture and what if you encourage your son to send his mom a card instead of calling her?  Maybe that would help with him being more at ease too.  

I suggest you respond to her letter stating that you are aware of the telephone access and that it does not state that the child must call the other parent every day and that you are setting up reasonable boundaries for your son.  Give her your reason for setting it up this way - that he appeared to be under stress about making sure that he called her every day and that didn't seem to be something a child should be concerned with.  Assure her that if there was an emergency with your son or if there was something extra special that happened that day that your son would call.  Suggest to her that she can help with your son being at ease with being away from her by reassuring your son that things are okay and he should be having a good time.  Probably what happened is he got back to her house and she asked him why he didn't call her every day and he answered truthfully that you had set down the rule about e/o day calling.  So now she feels that you crossed the line - maybe this could have been headed off sooner if you had told her before hand, but then again, that might have just made it worse too.  You shouldn't have to clear every decision in your home with her.

In answer to your question about whether a judge would look at this seriously - sadly, probably so.  Because she can spin the wording to be that you are not allowing your son access to her.   The wording would be better if it said 'the child is to have regular telephone access to either parent'.   But that is in hindsight and I would keep it in your stack of changes to be made to your order when the time is right.   When is that?  When you have several changes to make and documentation stacked up to back up the changes - to give credence to the logic behind the changes.   In this case, you can document that in June it was stressful; in July once you had put the boundary down, your son displayed x and y behavior.   And that can also be your defense if your ex does bring this to court - although with what you have posted that she has going on in her life right now, she should be more concerned with other things.

Good luck!
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dsm - 34
DH - 38
SD - 15
LO - 9
BB - 2
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