College and kids (long, sorry!)

[MKx2]

You're right on all counts joni ... we WILL buy a car for YSD, because precedence has been set.  DS doesn't want a car and DH wouldn't buy one for him anyway LOL!  Thank goodness he doesn't want one!

With school - it isn't the end of the world to have a small student loan when you graduate!  I know that ... but heaven forbid the fair-haired child be crossed in what he wants - seems like DH and PBFH have never ever told their son that he can't have what he wants.

Get this one ... for Christmas we gave his kids $150 each -- they're all getting REALLY hard to buy for anymore - particularly the girls and their clothes.  OSD was very grateful - she's sorta on her own now with her boyfriend and she's starting to understand the lack of money trees in everyones yards; YSD has never so much as said a word about it; SS (the one in college) was TOTALLY pissed off at us - told his sister that we chose to not take time to find him a present.  This is the first time we've ever given them money.  This young man is 20!  Oh yeah - DS? LOL I got him a book on rocks and minerals for $20, 2 pair of pants at Ross's for a total of $24, some crystals and tumbled stones for $12, a phone card for $20, and $40 cash - a grand total of $94 ... he was thrilled!  He got the one thing he asked for, and other things that he wanted but didn't tell me (mom's just sorta know).

Sorry for all the venting -- I just sometimes feel overwhelmed with his kids and thir poor attitudes.  LOL I better get over it - they're not gonna disappear (the kids OR their attitudes).

Thanks for letting me vent about this everyone ... some days are just harder than others I guess :-)

[sweetnsad]

and totally agree with you...the less you give them, the more they appreciate what they have.  That's my six year old to a "T".  She doesn't have much, but she appreciates it all.  I grew up with the bare minimums myself, so I know the value of a dollar.  

My SO's kids are going to be a handful and just like their mother...the more I have, the happier I think I will be.  Well, guess what?  It doesn't work that way.  She was married to the sweetest, kindest man and didn't appreciate him one ounce.  So, I'm quite sure the kids will turn out the same way.

Me and my SO treat all the kids equally...we have no choice.  Sure, my daughter might get some preference, but that's only because she lives with us and his kids only see us once a month.

You are more than entitled to a little resentment...ok, alot of resentment.  I'm glad that our kids are still small, but our day will come when I'm certain we will be faced with a dose of what you go through.  Hang in there!  You are doing great and your way of thinking is real...and I think your SS needs a major reality check.

[MixedBag]

You have a PM with some thoughts

[Davy]

.. and DS is blessed as well for having you.  He is so very fortunate to have been ingrained and constituted with the value system you have employed in him.  I might suggest you left out some words.  It may be appropriate to humbly say "DS will be FAR better for it ALL".  Around here we have a saying that it is not boasting if it's true.

I want to be careful not to cross the line so-to-speak .. it is very troubling to hear that DH is resentful towards DS because he is everything his kids are not.  Yike !  Ouch !

Here's what worked for me and my guys.  Just like everything else in life if you want something then use all of YOUR resources to get it ... earn it ... be responsible for it and WHEN you obtain it you should have a sense of great satisfaction and joy with your accomplisments before  you decide what you want next.  (So here's $3 now go to college).
So what if it takes 7 years to get that almighty college degree.  If they needed help they would not really ask ..I would check to keep the pressure off as much as possible... and then on an 'as needed' basis as a gift with no strings attached.  They both figured it out...did it on their own (one had a small 2k student loan w/o asking/telling).  Think about nesting your overflow from the sale of the property and disbursing reluntantly starting with 16 yr old's anticipated car purchase.  Could be a wake-up call for DH's other two.

Here's what could happen.  My mom's husband (85 yrs young) finally cut his daughter (60 yrs old) off about 3 years ago...that's what your DH may be like looking forward.  

Several years ago...my daughter (no real influence over) had 2 babies and was single (of course).  I would help mostly for the kid's sake but eventually got her her own account and ATM card for ease of transfering money state to state.  I would only place in her account that which she could talk me into (sorry).  One day she accidently hit the button twice and another $200 came out so she hit it again for another $200 then again for still another $200 until it maxed the daily withdrawal amount  
giving a new definition to the term money tree.  The credit union said they had that policy for their customers in case they got caught short some time in an emergency or something...I guess this was the 'or something' .

I'm sure you and DH can/will resolve all issues...best of everything ..especially peace of mind !!