Falsely accused father in need of legal input

[Ryan]

Yes Karen,

I'm at vryan572002, I am tied up for a moment though and will look for you around 10:00, 15 min.

Look'in forward to your aquantance

[cabledawgwife]

Hello Ryan,

  My name is Ed, I'm Keran's hubby. I did stumble onto a P.I. that specializes in cases like ours. His web site is http://www.allencowling.com/

I talked with him personnally and he gave me some very good advice. His site is filed with tons of info for you and I.

I hope all goes well with your case. Mine is just begaining and I hope it does not take as long as yours is. I don't think I could take not talking or seeing my daughter that long. It will have been a month on the 15th since I have talked with my daughter. It has been since New Years since I have seen her. I am hoping that it all gets settled with in the next month, but I am not going to hold my breath.

Good luck
Ed

[gipsy]

Similar things happened too Me , SO far it aLL SOUNDS GOOD ON yOUR PART  , My case there was a parenting evaluater , And that evaluater was a piece of crap , She is no longer working as an evaluater , Here's My two cents though , Now that You are clear on the allegations , Your atty should Be setting a court date ,Ask Him About it , At first for the short term you go before a commissioner Here in was state , And get temp orders , They also appoint A Parenting investigater . Or Guardian ad Litem , Here In WASH , Ask Your atty about this , And tell him that You've been on the net and heard that the judge or commissioner Is unlikely to do any thing untill He gets a Report from one of these entities tell Your attyyou want to know if thats the way it is where you are at , Ask him to inform you of what the process is there , DO NOT GIVE UP!!!
 I went through similar crap ,And  the mom was telling My son That I was going to hurt him Before I got there to get him , Again. DO not give up , I was told to and did drag My son away crying kicking and screaming , I would get Him an Ice cream or candy , Then I would just bring him the candy and hand it too him right there in front of her , This will be likely to be her next trick , Don't fall for it take the kids and give them candy , And bring puppets toy's and A tape recorder . Record what they tell you when you leave . Always tape . Remmeber , You can't tape her. But You can Tape you and the kids . If they are in fear they will eventually ssay Mom told them some crap , Also remmeber under no circumstance do any thing or say any thing to the kids about this , I learned the hard way , , If they are interviewed they may say You told them Mom's a bitch or something , If She is talking bad about you then they will be likely to say that to the Guardian ad Litem , Say good things about mom to the Kids not matter how Hard it is , You have been through all the crapolla , Now ask your atty what the next step is , Don't be surprised if you get supervised visits at first , Just remmember this is your Time to show that you are a good parent bring appropiate things , Including snacks DiaPERS TOY'S OR WHAT EVER  !! Be a good boy scout and express Your interest Gently, show affection for   the kids and try as hard as it is to Concentrate on the kids , All this shit will come out in a report . It did with Me . Use the system to Your advantage , I did to a degree ,Looking back I could have really used the advice I am giving you , I'm telling you !! . Play this system to your advantage , Be nice to every one every where that is involved in this and be persistant , Take all this in stride , Two Years is a long time ,Mine went on for four , Take it as this , Give her the rope to hang herself , and be a good Boy scout to every one , If you react they seem to hang your ass for it . SORRY!!!
Ask your atty to get some visits set up and go along with the system . Ask you atty what to do get the papers filed and get some visits set up , Get a trial date set , Ask Your atty , Don't get sedentary , I sort of did , but then I said I WILL NOT GIVE UP ! I did not get custody , But play your cards right and you will find that false allegations of sexual abuse are abuse of the system . And sometimes can win you custody , My atty's ploy was in the law that  talked about BAD ACTS . theres a section on that , It did not win Me  custody But its all straightened out now and I get visits , Basically in the end the Judge said , If this comes back to me I will see who gets atty fees . My atty interpreted that as directed toward the mother , Tell your atty to set a date to get some visits going ,

[gipsy]

In Washington state the courts generally order supervised visits , if there are allegations ,Period , If you don't go along with it , you don't get visits , the supervisers report to the Guardian ad Litem , And this goes back to the judge , Its just the process , It feels wierd , But I got all favorable info And it turned out to be good , As I was told by My atty . Make a favorable impressions , I was also ordered to go to counseling with the mother , I also made sure I got a favorable report that helped , There is no such presumed guilt , And this is just the courts way of looking into these matters and covering there ass , As was explained By My atty , The judge doesn't want the local news up there ass because they let some one see there kids that was an ax murderer , Or pervert , So the judge wants to make sure you are functional enough to jump the hoops , Just think of the judges position , What are there options , They have to watch out for the kids , My atty went on to ask Me . " who is the most important person to the judge in this case "?  Well Duh ?? (its the judge) SO "If they order supervised visits and get a good report ,Then they have these reports to fall back on " So I had a very nice atty that explained all this to me , And I understand this is just the process period , And the Judge ain't takeing the heat . I went through the whole damn thing. Supervised visits , Co parent counseling , Polygraph tests , psych evals , Anger management evals , Blah blah blah , want to know what I think is the real trick , ? Don't react to any of this, just be nice any play along and act like a nice boy scout , If we as men react to all this crap then we get hammered , I did !! And got hammered , But I also had other favorable reports .  So it all got straightened out , And I have regualar visits, Ya just don't give up. And don't react !!  
   

[tjraid18]

  Gipsy. I agree with what your saying. It's hard not to react in negative ways when your dealing with such a messed up legal family law system. But it's really important to jump through the hoops with a smile on your face, because it shows you don't have any problems that someone could use to say you should'nt be around your children. I really wish I would have not reacted to the situation I found myself in the way I did.If I had stayed more calm and dealt with all the stuff with a cool head, at the very least , I would have a LOT better relationship with my kids. I think it's important for fathers who are just starting to go thruogh this, to realize this. It's really easy to get frustrated when things are so unfair for non- custody parents and so easy for custody moms.

[DecentDad]

Hi,

Thanks for those good thoughts...  obviously, if a court orders supervised visitation, then that's you're only choice.

I was coming from a place of negotiating/settlement when I wrote that.

If supervised visitation is forced upon you, you have no choice... and the parent just has to jump through all those hoops on the long road to modifying the orders eventually.

But before it's forced/ordered, my advice is to not establish it as a status quo during settlement discussions just out of desperation to agree on some things.

DD

[gipsy]

I get the difference,