Non-Custodial Rights

[tharper001]

It's all a problem when children are in split homes.  However, it is of utmost importance that you realize that sports are an intrical part of a child's social development.  The bm may have the authority to sign that child up, but the father should look at it in a favorable light rather than the bm trying to take away from his time.  At least his children get to do these things.  

If the children live close to both parents, then there should be no problem in getting the children to the sporting events.  Even on your weekend.  We used to drive 70 miles round trip to make sure my sd got to her soccer games.  As much as we absolutely hate the bm, we never once looked at the sports in a negative light -- at least she had been signed up to play.  Unfortunately, she hasn't played in over a year now because bm is too lazy to sign her up.  And we can't sign her up until we see if we get custody.  

Please look at the sports activities in a different light.  Yes, it may be on your time, but technically, the child's time should be what's important.  And sports are extremely important.

[SLYarnell]

Sports are extremely important... BUT so is a childs relationship with his other parent.

Sports in one  hand, Parental relationship in the other hand.  The relationship with your dad has to win EVERY time...

[Kitty C.]

I also believe that sports and e-c activities are important to kids, but so is the relationship with their parents, and neither should overshadow the other.  Many here have dealt with vindictive PBFH's who have purposely signed up their kids in as many activities as possible on the NCP's time just to screw with them and maintain 'control'.  Everyone's situation is different and only each person can know if it's a legitimate deal or a vindicitive ex.  

And there are ways to tell which is which, by gauging the reactions of the children involved. If the child is genuinely interested, their grades don't falter because of the participation, and they aren't 'forced' to participate, then it's a positive experience.  If you see the latter, then there a fox in the chicken house somewhere.

Best case scenario:  CP comes to NCP, tells NCP of child's wish to participate, informs NCP that it will take both parents' involvement for the child's participation, then asks if it is agreed that the child gets involved.  When one parents asks the other parents' participation, that's cooperation and co-parenting and in that case, the child should NEVER have to be turned down. It comes down to the REAL reasons why the child is involved in the first place, how much, and if the parents agree.  No different than in an intact family.

And if wishes were horses............

[Peanutsdad]

and if wishes were horses.......

No kidding Kitty,, my ex's idea of compromise,, is my complete capitualtion.

[tharper001]

Sports is not all year round, nor is it on every weekend.  And taking your child to his/her sports activities is building a relationship.  I'm sorry, but viewing sports as a battle with building a parent/child relationship is dangerous.  

[tharper001]

Yes, it is all about compromise, and most of us are on this website because of the wonderful custodial parents out there that wish to maintain control.  In the real world, MOST split parents do not communicate on a friendly manner, and the children are always put in the middle.  Kitty, it would be wonderful if it worked where the CP could discuss as an adult with the NCP the lives of the children.  

IT IS UP TO THE NCP TO MAKE SURE THE CHILDREN ARE GENUINELY INVOLVED IN THE SPORTS ACTIVITIES.  IT IS UP THE NCP TO TAKE THE HIGHER GROUND AND NOT PUNISH THE KIDS FOR WHAT THE CP DOES.  

Yes, there can be that method of control that the CP will try to use, but there is no sport out there that would be targeted ONLY at the NCP's time.  I can assure you of that.  

I just wish my SD's CP would enroll her in something, but she's too irresponsible to do so.  Be thankful that your children are actually learning social development skills, even if the CP is the one who signed them up for the activities.