paternity and custody

[socrateaser]

>no, she doesnt look anarexic. shes very tall for her age and
>big boned. her mother has told her shes fat her whole life. i
>can get the video next time i see them, but thats the problem,
>because i never know when that will be. question... as i said
>earlier i do not have custody, but youre saying that i can get
>an emergencey court hearing?? how do i go about this without a
>lawyer, and in which state. the one i live in or the one the
>ex lives in??

You can get an emergency hearing if the child is in some sort of physical or emotional distress which the CP is not addressing.

If the child is in obvious emotional distress on the video, that would be enough to get an emergency hearing. And, if you can show that the child is suffering physical/emotional abuse you could get that hearing in your state, as opposed to the child's home state.

However, generally, you would probably be on safer legal ground asking for the hearing in the child's home state.

But, here's my/your problem:

You're telling me that the child has an "eating disorder." That is an extremely powerful statment which implies that you have a medical diagnosis.

Now, you're telling me that mom tells the child she's fat, when she's not. That's NOT the same as saying that the child has an eating disorder.

There is a pretty wide gap between a medical eating disorder and your claim that mom says the child is fat. Does the child say that her mom makes her feel bad by always saying the she (the child) looks fat?

If so, get that on tape, and then file a motion for an emergency custody hearing. But the child needs to appear genuine on the tape. This is not the "People's Court" TV show, and you will get kicked to the curb if it looks like the child is being coached.

So, if you have any objective doubts about the child's statements, like the child is simply rebelling against her mom, because the kid is 14 years old and that's what happens, then you need a therapist to evaluate the child.

Ultimately, that's probably what the court will order, before doing anything else.

[illinoisdad]

my daughter admitted to my wife and stepson that the reason she has lost so much weight recentley is because shes not eating. she lies about her food intake to her mother and thats how my wife busted her, because she lied to her and my wife was home all day and knew better. I got a message from my daughter about an hour ago stating that she went to the school counselor and told her everything. as far as i know, that would be documented. I have to be honest, my daughter is my #1 concern, but theres no way i can afford a lawyer right now, and this is going to start world war 3.

[socrateaser]

>my daughter admitted to my wife and stepson that the reason
>she has lost so much weight recentley is because shes not
>eating. she lies about her food intake to her mother and thats
>how my wife busted her, because she lied to her and my wife
>was home all day and knew better. I got a message from my
>daughter about an hour ago stating that she went to the school
>counselor and told her everything. as far as i know, that
>would be documented. I have to be honest, my daughter is my #1
>concern, but theres no way i can afford a lawyer right now,
>and this is going to start world war 3.

The counsellor is a mandated reporter. If what your child told you is what she told the school, then the school MUST contact child and family services and report it.

Call the counselor and ask if he/she will confirm the incident, and that they will contact law enforcement. Either way, you have sufficient evidence to contact child and family services and request an investigation. You also have suffient evidence to get an ex parte emergency hearing at the court where your current orders are entered. The court clerk can help you with this sort of hearing, which occurs every day of the week in almost every court.

You may not get an immediatel order in your favor, but you will definitely get an expedited hearing on the issue to see if there's any truth.

Meanwhile if child and family services finds some evidence of the abuse, they may approach the juvenile court for a protective order, at which point you can appear and request temporary sole custody.

[illinoisdad]

Update: my daughter talked to the counselor who then tried for a week to get ahold of the ex. she fnally did and ex said that my wife and I can no longer talk to my daughter. A few days later she let me talk to my daughter and she did NOT sound good at all. VERY depressed. Ex promised to take hr to Dr and a counselor. My wife found out today NONE of this has happened.

1. I cant afford a lawyer, please help guide me in what to do. If I call CPS she will never let me talk to my daughter again. Please help!

[socrateaser]

>Update: my daughter talked to the counselor who then tried
>for a week to get ahold of the ex. she fnally did and ex said
>that my wife and I can no longer talk to my daughter. A few
>days later she let me talk to my daughter and she did NOT
>sound good at all. VERY depressed. Ex promised to take hr to
>Dr and a counselor. My wife found out today NONE of this has
>happened.
>
>1. I cant afford a lawyer, please help guide me in what to do.
>If I call CPS she will never let me talk to my daughter again.
>Please help!

My advice is unchanged. Since you're back here, you didn't take any of it. Re-read the thread and follow the advice.

[illinoisdad]

To be honest, I'm really afraid to call cps, because if they don't feel that for whatever reason she's not in danger, the ex will never let me see the kids. i have a few questions, though.

1.she seems to think that she can bar me from talking to my daughter. is this true?

2. because she won't let me see the kids right now, it is impossible to make a video. by law, does the school counselor have to talk to me, or can she bar her from doing this?

[socrateaser]

>To be honest, I'm really afraid to call cps, because if they
>don't feel that for whatever reason she's not in danger, the
>ex will never let me see the kids.

Sounds to me like you don't believe your own story. And, if you aren't convinced, that it's damn sure no one else will be -- including me.

>i have a few questions,
>though.
>
>1.she seems to think that she can bar me from talking to my
>daughter. is this true?

Depends on your custody/parenting orders. Post them if you want me to interpret.

>
>2. because she won't let me see the kids right now, it is
>impossible to make a video. by law, does the school counselor
>have to talk to me, or can she bar her from doing this?

See #1, above.

[illinoisdad]

as far as CPS goes, i guess i've heard too many horror stories about them not doing anything, and no matter who calls, she's going to assume its me anyways. I spoke to ex today and she agreed to let the kids come down in the middle of February.

Immediately made an appointment with the same counselor my ss goes to and she said she would document everything for us. Will also be making a video of daughter. ex said that my daughter decided she didnt need counseling, so she's not taking her. ex said that all daughters problems are just stress!!! Thanks for all your help.