Tired of the Bull.....

[dipper]

We tried to do all the legwork as well.  Only, we didnt know what was admissable and what was not.  We gave her teacher/dh emails for months -and she tells us the week before the hearing that unless we get actual documentation, all we can show is that he was in contact with the school.  We couldnt prove that yss was in constant trouble even without being suspended all these times.  

We were told, by her, that for online stuff to be admissable it had to come from a reliable source - govt. source.  We printed off court case info against bm and one of sitters......take it and then she says its inadmissable - needs actual court documentation.  She didnt try to subpoena any info until about two weeks beforehand - such as work records.  They werent sent, and it was only the day before the hearing that she tried to find out why not.  The subpoena had never been sent from the store bm managed to the out of state corporate office.....and nothing was done about that.

However, dh does have a new order.  I really dont see the big deal now.  I mean, he had told me it would have specified weekends - it doesnt.  The only difference that is a plus is that it specifies what times she must have him here and pick him up.  

Anyway....our main problem as far as proof is not knowing what could be considered actual proof and everything waiting to the last minute.  DH felt she didnt know the info well in court and let bm get away with alot of lies.  however, from what I understand - lies are expected and no one really cares.  

Thank you for your input...

[broken_dad]

I am affraid I will be going through attorney's game soon too. I made a few phone calls recently and think I may have found one. I know how lawyers are so at least that aspect I know how to act and what questions to ask etc. But again andy advice I would TOTALLY appreciate.

[dipper]

The legal world is not ours, so we felt uncomfortable seeing lawyers.  I believe my dh's biggest mistake - he had seen a lawyer last year that wanted a big retainer.  He couldnt afford it.  So, when later on he knew he had to have a lawyer, we went and she wanted a small retainer and he jumped.  Now, I wanted to say - lets discuss this and maybe see atleast one more, but we were sitting in her office and I didnt want to embarrass him as it is his decision.  

Number one - talk to atleast three attorneys.  And ask what they plan on doing - what will be the plan of action, what you need to do, a timeline for filing things - talking to third parties and such, and what they plan on stating as grounds for whatever you are seeking.  DH didnt do any of this, and unfortunately, I think the lawyer thought - kid is 13, wants to live here - easy money.  But, kid was playing everyone and chose to live there and now will be in a special school due to his behavior, and working/staying out until late at night.  His mom called police yesterday because he wasnt home on time - he was 1 1/2 hours late.....this was during the day and he was out with friends.

Anyway, the $75 or so you will pay to talk to the attorney is worth it if you find the right person for your case!!

Best wishes

[msme]

First of all, You need to remember that YOU ARE HIRING THE ATTORNEY. They work for you & as with any employee, you must supervise what is being done. The main thing to look for in an attorney is this; He/She must be a Board Certified Family Law & Custody Specialist.

The questions that must be asked are these. What percentage of your firms cases are father's seeking custody? What is your firms success rate in successfully defending these types of cases? What is your experience in successfully securing 50/50 custody placement?

Any other questions to be asked shopuld come after these are answered to your satisfaction. If these are not answered well enough, then hit the road & keep looking.

A Certified attorney does not come cheap but is worth every penny if you get to be with your kids & don't have to keep going back to court, which can add up to a whole lot more, over time.

Good luck & God bless!

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[Hazel]

You are absolutely right.

I would also add this:  Don't assume that every attorney knows the law.  The law is ever changing.  Different ways of thinking come into and go out of style quickly.  So much information (I'd say as much as 90%) comes from studying case law, and some attorneys simply don't take the time to do that.  This leads me to point #2:  Don't assume that all attorneys have the same work ethic.  Like the general population, some attorneys are hard workers, others are slackers.

We're going through the "college support" fight.  The first attorney DH talked to basically told him not to get into a pissing match and to give her whatever she wanted.  (You see, attorneys get their money no matter what happens to you.)  The second attorney presented an entirely different story.  As a result, we are now at a reasonable amount of educational support that is 1/5 (!) of what BM was demanding at the outset.  Had we gone with attorney #1, we'd be paying AT LEAST double that for the next 2 to 4 years, which would total a difference of approximately $12,000!  (And, thus far we've had only one consultation with attorney #2 at a cost of $75.00 and were able to take it ourselves from there.)  Consider the long run when looking at attorney fees.  Higher priced attorneys are not necessarity better.  Attorneys who know the law are the only ones who are better!  If an attorney who knows the law charges more, then you'd be doing yourself a favor to pay it because it will most likely save you money in the long run.

Lastly, do your own homework on your state statutes and case law so that you go into the attorney's office well informed on the facts.  (The reason we didn't listen to the first attorney isn't because he didn't tell us what we wanted to hear, it's because his advice was not consistent with pertinent case law that we had studied prior to seeing him.) If you speak with an attorney who doesn't appear to be aware of recent appelate court decisions, move on to another.  It will do you no good to have to spoon feed him the facts on your dime.

Attorneys are the same as any other profession - there are good ones and bad ones, and sometimes it's hard to tell the difference until it's too late.  If you do a lot of your own research, it truly helps!!!

Good Luck!!!!

[broken_dad]

I AM PRINTING ALL THIS OUT RIGHT NOW! LOL

Wow... I can't believe how much good information I have been finding on this site. I have been searching all over the place and most of all my info has come from reading all the postings on this site. Even the old postings are helpful. I stayed up late one night just reading all the old posts and boy am I glad I did.  A lot of stuff posted here that I never would have thought of.

[Hazel]

We all need to help each other, and I agree that this is the best site around for real, solid advice.  On so many other sites, all you can get are people's opinions, which is fine, but not always that realistic or helpful.  Not to mention that on most other sites people will flame you from here to the moon before they decide whether or not you're "worth" helping.  :-(

DH's CS/custody dilemma's are pretty much over, because SD is 18 now, but I try to share whatever info I've gained (the hard way) over the years  to help others.  (Besides, at this point I need all the good karma I can get my hands on...lollollol)  ;-)

[gipsy]

I did the same thing twice . Yes I had to fire two atty's . Lucky for me I found one that mostly represents men , Like 75% of the time , And doesn't charge an arm and a leg , He did my whole custody case for $3,000 I also found out that there are laws that pertain to custody changes , And oddly enough atty's don't just give you that info . I would ask for it , My Good third atty gave it too me , And Minus serious infractions , Child molestation ,drug addiction , , Or Abandonemnt , there are really no concrete laws reguardiong custody in Washington state , And My Atty confirms , " there is a lot of leah way for the judge to decide "  THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD '  So untill you know what you are looking for < there is a lot of hit and miss info , I told My atty many things , And none of it was brought up at court ,  But understanding the system is part of this . Like at first You go before a commissioner And get temporary orders ,
Then you have a real trial , Because it takes time to get to trial < and in between Kids have to be taken care of , So untill trial you go By temp orders , I felt All three atty's never really did much of a job , ! Because there is soo much BS ,  How could you  talk to the judge about it all ! So the deal is you have to know what are the legal factors the judge uses to decide ? Well get that from your atty . But remmember as My atty said there is a lot of leahway , And thats why you want the judge to like you !