Help for DH going through mediation w/ BM!!

[step_momma_2boys]

We have tried in the past to get on the same page w/ her concerning homework.  She gets very defensive and argumentative, and accuses us of telling her what to do.  She basically says it's not our concern, since DH is just a "weekend dad."  One time, SS#2 had left his backpack here w/ a homework packet in it from the previous week.  None of the homework was touched.  When we called her about it, she said it was Extra Credit, and we didn't need to worry about it.  So the next time we met with his teacher, we took it in and showed her.  She told us it was not Extra Credit, and that it was one of the weekly packets that was missing.  

We did try the reward system with him last term, and after he misses one or two assignments, he basically just gives up.  We think that BM downplays his homework situation to him so that he doesn't "feel bad."  So, that has made him very complacent.

This is why we correspond w/ the teachers through email weekly, and meet w/ them EOW on Fridays.  With this teacher, there is basically no consequences.  He is allowed to turn in homework late, even though she has a posted class policy about late homework.  SS#2 rarely misses a recess to catch up on his work either.  The lack of consequences both at school and at BM's house makes it impossible to help him keep up his homework.  When he is here on weekends, we have him do his homework, and he does miss out on activities here in order to do his homework.  

We cannot call every night, because BM won't answer our calls, and won't have the boys call us back.  We talk to them once a week because of this.  

My MIL thinks we are enabling him by using our wkends to help him w/ his homework, and that BM gets to take the credit for him catching up on his work.  We feel that we need to do what we can to help him, so that we can show that he would benefit from living w/ us full time.  What should we do?  Should we continue doing what we're doing?  Or take MIL's advice and not make him do his homework when he's w/ us?

[msme]

Maybe you could date & sign each sheet, & make a copy of them to keep. That would prove what you helped him with & what was done at your home. Then, she could not take credit for catching him up.

Good luck & God bless.
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