In DESPERATE need of tips for custody case

[futurestep-mom_AZ]

How close does he live to his child? What I am getting at is whether 50/50 physical would be possible. My fiance was awarded 50/50 physical but only until the child began to school then there would have to be a modification (the two live 200 miles apart). I know in AZ Judges don't like to have a child bounce back and forth if it is not very close and since the child hasn't been fully doing the week here week there situation the judge may be reluctant. I would tell your boyfriend to seriously consider what is the best for him and the child and go for that. Like three weekends a month including all school 3 day weekends, fall break, spring break, most of X-mas and maybe week on week off in the summer. Also maybe if they don't live very close or it upsets the childs schedule to sleep at daddys on a school night (trust me my SD can't sleep anywhere other than home on a school night or she is all messed up the next day) maybe one evening a week where you can pick her up after school and have her home by 7PM or something. I suggest going into mediation with lots of ideas and an open mind it shows that he is the parent willing to work not dictate. Good Luck

[Skooter95]

That is true about the distance. It would depend on how far apart they lived from one another.  My ex and I live 19 miles apart and we split our weeks. I pick her up and take her to school on Wed-Fri and then I have her on Sat. and Sunday. We do this every other week which works out to be about 40% of the time. I also get every Wednesday with her.

We have been doing this since she was in Kindergarten and have never had a problem with it interrupting her school at all. In fact, she is in "gifted" classes and is making straight A's and she is in the 2nd grade.

I would not suggest the picking her up from school one night during the week and having her back around 7 PM. That causes more disturbance in her life than anything.  One of the reasons i'm going back to court is to have that changed.  I get my daughter every Wed. and take her to school on Thursday morning and its awful on her to just spend one night and then have to go back to dads.  Especially if she doesn't spend the night.  I know dad wants to see her but I would stick to long weekends or something like that instead of just a few hours here and an overnight or two there.  

We also split the summer weeks 50/50.  I get two weeks uninterrupted and he gets the next two weeks and so on until I complete my six weeks.  

Hope this gives you some ideas.

[Stepmomnow]

We are in Caiflirnia and my DH had to go through mediation with BM.  No attorneys were allowed in the mediation.

In our county in CA, the mediatiors give recommendations ot the judges, which gives them a fair amount of power.  The mediator in our case strong armed my DH into agreeing to put SS into a school district that makes our lives pretty much commute hell, but there was little he could do.  However, CA is very much in favor of 50/50 time, so that works in your favor.  

Have your SO set up his life so that 50/50 will work - be able to explain where she will be after school, etc.  If ex pushes the SAHM line, then he can agree that she will pick child up from school during his time, but that he will pick child up as soon as he gets home from work.  She can't complain of disruption, because it is the same as a child being picked up from day care.

Good Luck

[MeganMoore]

Some follow-up info.

The ex and my boyfriend live very close to each other (probably only a few miles) so that is not an issue.

Right now he has his daughter every other weekend (fri-sat-sun till monday morning).  And every thursday night/fri morning.  He has also been picking up his daughter after school on wednesdays and taking her to soccer practice (since his ex has school).

And he goes to her soccer games every saturday (even when he does not have her, but he is the coach).

His daughter is already with him one school night during the week, but the mom wants to take that away.

Not sure if it's for the extra child support.  OR if she really feels like grade one is that difficult.

Also re: the job, my boyfriend has only been out of work for a few weeks. And is in computers, and is very good at what he does. So he most likely will have a new job within a few weeks.

And he does live in California where no lawyers are allowed at mediation.

Re: why he hasn't demanded his full 50-50.  Well like I said, he let his ex take her more because kindergarden was only 1/2 days. And he was working and his ex was home.

I guess he didn't realize that his ex would'nt give the time back.

Yes she has no right to deny him the 50-50.  But like I said, when he told her he wanted it back she threatened him.  And he didn't want her to go get a bogus restraining order to keep him from seeing his daughter at all.

He figured he would get the lawyer and they would figure out the next step.  But that hasn't happened yet.

[kitten]

>And he does live in California where no lawyers are allowed at
>mediation.

Not in all counties.  

[kitten]

Some will say "it's just mediation".  That is how my SO got a RO!  It was drooped soon after by a judge with a brain, but it still influences some.

[Lawmoe]

Exercising Court ordered parenting time is not a basis for a restraining order. He can force the issue.

If he intended to give up parenting time,during the school year, he should have sought additional compensatory parenting time during the summer, perhaps even a revversed schedule.  He did not do that, which is entirely unfortunate. Now, it is likely to appear as if he wants the label "joint physical custody" but does not wish to actually spend the time with the child. The natural suggestion that his ex will make is that he wants to enjoy the label to avoid a greater child support obligation.

Be prepared.  He will have to respond to that contention.

[MeganMoore]

>Exercising Court ordered parenting time is not a basis for a
>restraining order. He can force the issue.
>
>If he intended to give up parenting time,during the school
>year, he should have sought additional compensatory parenting
>time during the summer, perhaps even a revversed schedule.  He
>did not do that, which is entirely unfortunate. Now, it is
>likely to appear as if he wants the label "joint physical
>custody" but does not wish to actually spend the time with the
>child. The natural suggestion that his ex will make is that he
>wants to enjoy the label to avoid a greater child support
>obligation.
>
>Be prepared.  He will have to respond to that contention.

Yes exercising court ordered parenting time is not a basis for a TRO.  I'm sure she wouldn't give that as her reason.

Also, you are correct, he should have sought additional time during the summer.  But he was having severe problems at work, and did not want that to impact the child.

Re: simply wanting the label, how can anyone think that?  He has that label now.  I see what you're saying about the child support.  Does anyone know what could be a good argument against that since this is definitely not the case.  In fact he lost his job a few weeks ago and didn't apply to reduce the child support.  It's truly not about that.  He just wants to see his daughter more.

I think the fact is that it's his EX who wants more child support and that is why she is trying to take away more time from him.

IMO she is shooting herself in the foot.  Because she is asking to take away more of his time.  I'm not sure if I was clear, but my boyfriend did not initiate the court proceedings to get his time back.  It was his ex who did it to take MORE TIME AWAY from him.

When she did that, he finally started to find out what his rights were.  And he found out that since it was only a verbal agreement, that he still had his 50-50 custody and could ask for it back at any time.

That was when she threatened to get a restraining order if he tried that.