In DESPERATE need of tips for custody case

[MeganMoore]

Thanks to everyone who reads this.

Okay to make a long story short, my boyfriend's ex is taking him to CA mediation in 3 weeks. I've written here before and gotten some great advice. But there has been a new development, and I really need some help.

We found a great lawyer. But my boyfriend lost his job and probably won't be able to afford her for the mediation. So I am really not sure what to do. I don't want him to go to the mediation without any idea of what to expect. Has anybody else been through this who can guide us through it?

Here is his situation:

When they got divorced they had 50-50 joint custody. Last year when his daughter went to kindergarden, he agreed to let the mom have her more. This wasn't legally done, just verbally. Since school was only 1/2 days and mom wasn't working, she took the child m-w and he only had his daughter every thursday and every other weekend (fri,sat, sun).

They never went back to the old arrangement and now this year the mom is claiming that grade one is much more intensive and she wants to take away his thursdays. So she only wants to give him every other weekend (fri, sat, sun). He said no, so she is taking him to court.

Since legally he still has joint 50-50 many people advised him to get that back BEFORE going to court. Since the court might view otherwise as him not wanting his 50-50. But when he told his ex that he wanted his time back, she threatened him. She said if he did this that she would get a temporary restraining order and make sure he couldn't see his daughter.

So he backed off and told her that they would discuss this in court.

Obviously threatening him for no reason is ridiculous, but should he bring this up in mediation? ARe there dos and don'ts that he needs to know about.

Should he try to get free counsel from a clinic?

I just want him to be as prepared as he can be.

I hate that he probably won't have a lawyer. But if they go to mediation and don't agree, he can still get our lawyer when the case gets to court, right?

Please if anyone has any advice I would be so grateful.

This totally sucks, because we had found the best lawyer.

Thanks.

[Skooter95]

Well i'm not a professional but in my own opinion, I would say that since legally by court order he has 50/50 custody, the BM cannot tell him that he can't see his daughter.  If she does prevent him from seeing her then she is in contempt.  However, it doesn't look favorable on him for the past year of allowing BM to have more time with her and not utilizing his visitation time.  Why did he not continue to see his daughter???  

I have been through mediation in GA and I do know that here it is best to attend with an attorney.  I would never attempt to go through anything without the advice of my atty.  In the meantime, I don't think there is anything he can do until he gets a job. That alone will not look great for him if they end up going to court. He needs to have a stable job etc.  If I were him, I would just ask her again to resume the 50/50 visitation and if she doesn't agree, tell her she will be in contempt and I would even send her a certified letter asking her for this so you can prove that you tried and she wouldn't agree.

Again, i'm no professional and love the advice I get from people on the board. This is my own opinion.
Good luck!!

[futurestep-mom_AZ]

How close does he live to his child? What I am getting at is whether 50/50 physical would be possible. My fiance was awarded 50/50 physical but only until the child began to school then there would have to be a modification (the two live 200 miles apart). I know in AZ Judges don't like to have a child bounce back and forth if it is not very close and since the child hasn't been fully doing the week here week there situation the judge may be reluctant. I would tell your boyfriend to seriously consider what is the best for him and the child and go for that. Like three weekends a month including all school 3 day weekends, fall break, spring break, most of X-mas and maybe week on week off in the summer. Also maybe if they don't live very close or it upsets the childs schedule to sleep at daddys on a school night (trust me my SD can't sleep anywhere other than home on a school night or she is all messed up the next day) maybe one evening a week where you can pick her up after school and have her home by 7PM or something. I suggest going into mediation with lots of ideas and an open mind it shows that he is the parent willing to work not dictate. Good Luck

[Skooter95]

That is true about the distance. It would depend on how far apart they lived from one another.  My ex and I live 19 miles apart and we split our weeks. I pick her up and take her to school on Wed-Fri and then I have her on Sat. and Sunday. We do this every other week which works out to be about 40% of the time. I also get every Wednesday with her.

We have been doing this since she was in Kindergarten and have never had a problem with it interrupting her school at all. In fact, she is in "gifted" classes and is making straight A's and she is in the 2nd grade.

I would not suggest the picking her up from school one night during the week and having her back around 7 PM. That causes more disturbance in her life than anything.  One of the reasons i'm going back to court is to have that changed.  I get my daughter every Wed. and take her to school on Thursday morning and its awful on her to just spend one night and then have to go back to dads.  Especially if she doesn't spend the night.  I know dad wants to see her but I would stick to long weekends or something like that instead of just a few hours here and an overnight or two there.  

We also split the summer weeks 50/50.  I get two weeks uninterrupted and he gets the next two weeks and so on until I complete my six weeks.  

Hope this gives you some ideas.

[Stepmomnow]

We are in Caiflirnia and my DH had to go through mediation with BM.  No attorneys were allowed in the mediation.

In our county in CA, the mediatiors give recommendations ot the judges, which gives them a fair amount of power.  The mediator in our case strong armed my DH into agreeing to put SS into a school district that makes our lives pretty much commute hell, but there was little he could do.  However, CA is very much in favor of 50/50 time, so that works in your favor.  

Have your SO set up his life so that 50/50 will work - be able to explain where she will be after school, etc.  If ex pushes the SAHM line, then he can agree that she will pick child up from school during his time, but that he will pick child up as soon as he gets home from work.  She can't complain of disruption, because it is the same as a child being picked up from day care.

Good Luck

[MeganMoore]

Some follow-up info.

The ex and my boyfriend live very close to each other (probably only a few miles) so that is not an issue.

Right now he has his daughter every other weekend (fri-sat-sun till monday morning).  And every thursday night/fri morning.  He has also been picking up his daughter after school on wednesdays and taking her to soccer practice (since his ex has school).

And he goes to her soccer games every saturday (even when he does not have her, but he is the coach).

His daughter is already with him one school night during the week, but the mom wants to take that away.

Not sure if it's for the extra child support.  OR if she really feels like grade one is that difficult.

Also re: the job, my boyfriend has only been out of work for a few weeks. And is in computers, and is very good at what he does. So he most likely will have a new job within a few weeks.

And he does live in California where no lawyers are allowed at mediation.

Re: why he hasn't demanded his full 50-50.  Well like I said, he let his ex take her more because kindergarden was only 1/2 days. And he was working and his ex was home.

I guess he didn't realize that his ex would'nt give the time back.

Yes she has no right to deny him the 50-50.  But like I said, when he told her he wanted it back she threatened him.  And he didn't want her to go get a bogus restraining order to keep him from seeing his daughter at all.

He figured he would get the lawyer and they would figure out the next step.  But that hasn't happened yet.

[kitten]

>And he does live in California where no lawyers are allowed at
>mediation.

Not in all counties.  

[kitten]

Some will say "it's just mediation".  That is how my SO got a RO!  It was drooped soon after by a judge with a brain, but it still influences some.

[MeganMoore]

Thanks to everyone who reads this.

Okay to make a long story short, my boyfriend's ex is taking him to CA mediation in 3 weeks. I've written here before and gotten some great advice. But there has been a new development, and I really need some help.

We found a great lawyer. But my boyfriend lost his job and probably won't be able to afford her for the mediation. So I am really not sure what to do. I don't want him to go to the mediation without any idea of what to expect. Has anybody else been through this who can guide us through it?

Here is his situation:

When they got divorced they had 50-50 joint custody. Last year when his daughter went to kindergarden, he agreed to let the mom have her more. This wasn't legally done, just verbally. Since school was only 1/2 days and mom wasn't working, she took the child m-w and he only had his daughter every thursday and every other weekend (fri,sat, sun).

They never went back to the old arrangement and now this year the mom is claiming that grade one is much more intensive and she wants to take away his thursdays. So she only wants to give him every other weekend (fri, sat, sun). He said no, so she is taking him to court.

Since legally he still has joint 50-50 many people advised him to get that back BEFORE going to court. Since the court might view otherwise as him not wanting his 50-50. But when he told his ex that he wanted his time back, she threatened him. She said if he did this that she would get a temporary restraining order and make sure he couldn't see his daughter.

So he backed off and told her that they would discuss this in court.

Obviously threatening him for no reason is ridiculous, but should he bring this up in mediation? ARe there dos and don'ts that he needs to know about.

Should he try to get free counsel from a clinic?

I just want him to be as prepared as he can be.

I hate that he probably won't have a lawyer. But if they go to mediation and don't agree, he can still get our lawyer when the case gets to court, right?

Please if anyone has any advice I would be so grateful.

This totally sucks, because we had found the best lawyer.

Thanks.

[Skooter95]

Well i'm not a professional but in my own opinion, I would say that since legally by court order he has 50/50 custody, the BM cannot tell him that he can't see his daughter.  If she does prevent him from seeing her then she is in contempt.  However, it doesn't look favorable on him for the past year of allowing BM to have more time with her and not utilizing his visitation time.  Why did he not continue to see his daughter???  

I have been through mediation in GA and I do know that here it is best to attend with an attorney.  I would never attempt to go through anything without the advice of my atty.  In the meantime, I don't think there is anything he can do until he gets a job. That alone will not look great for him if they end up going to court. He needs to have a stable job etc.  If I were him, I would just ask her again to resume the 50/50 visitation and if she doesn't agree, tell her she will be in contempt and I would even send her a certified letter asking her for this so you can prove that you tried and she wouldn't agree.

Again, i'm no professional and love the advice I get from people on the board. This is my own opinion.
Good luck!!