Being denied communication

[NYParent]

Well I sent out the certified letter with the request.  As sad as this sounds, I have already resigned to the idea that I will not have any contact with my child until the court date.

I wanted to get your opinion on one more issues that I am having problems with....my child's daycare provider.  In the past I have called her once a month to get updates on my child.  She has always been very accommodating to my calls and would always call me back within a day or two.  Of course I have called her now two times (in a matter of 4 weeks) and have not received a call back yet.  I even sent her a letter stating that if it was easier she could send me a letter or an email to give me an update...I have gotten nothing.  I know that BM got to her and stated that she should not contact me.  The daycare provider already has a copy of our CO on file which states we have joint legal custody.  How would/have you guys handled a situation like this? 

Thanks a million!

[MixedBag]

How would I handle this -- hmmm....

call from a different number -- maybe even a blocked number -- so that you can see if she is watching and purposely not answering.

After that -- you said you wrote a letter....I'd send a second letter and send it via a traceable method -- priority confirmed delivery maybe.

Keep trying and bring this to the judge's attention in December

[MrCustodyCoach]

Well I sent out the certified letter with the request.  As sad as this sounds, I have already resigned to the idea that I will not have any contact with my child until the court date.

I wanted to get your opinion on one more issues that I am having problems with....my child's daycare provider.  In the past I have called her once a month to get updates on my child.  She has always been very accommodating to my calls and would always call me back within a day or two.  Of course I have called her now two times (in a matter of 4 weeks) and have not received a call back yet.  I even sent her a letter stating that if it was easier she could send me a letter or an email to give me an update...I have gotten nothing.  I know that BM got to her and stated that she should not contact me.  The daycare provider already has a copy of our CO on file which states we have joint legal custody.  How would/have you guys handled a situation like this? 

Thanks a million!

I would pay them a visit, kindly re-introduce myself, and then sit down with the director to go over the custody order again while working on a written and signed plan of communication with him/her/them.

[NYParent]

Well BM called my sister to tell her that my child is not allowed to have communication with me or any of my family members because I did "terrible" things to her (she was referring to herself).  BM then went on to tell my sister that I would only be allowed communication with the child IF the judge gave permission.  When asked what she was referring to, BM said stated that she was under legal advisement not to speak about it.

Here we go....LET THE GAMES BEGIN.....God only knows what the hell she's talking about.  I'd like to know what "terrible" things I did when I live 1400 miles away, that was so bad that I shouldn't be allowed access to my child.  My guess is that she realized that she f*ed up by not coming to NY and who knows what allegations she's going to make to take the focus off her.

I can't wait til my court date.  I just want some of this stuff to be settled already. 

[ocean]

Have your sister come to court and testify about that phone call. Have her write everything down and the date and time with her phone bill.
ugggg,.....

[snowrose]

I wanted to get your opinion on one more issues that I am having problems with....my child's daycare provider.  In the past I have called her once a month to get updates on my child.  She has always been very accommodating to my calls and would always call me back within a day or two.  Of course I have called her now two times (in a matter of 4 weeks) and have not received a call back yet.  I even sent her a letter stating that if it was easier she could send me a letter or an email to give me an update...I have gotten nothing.  I know that BM got to her and stated that she should not contact me.  The daycare provider already has a copy of our CO on file which states we have joint legal custody.  How would/have you guys handled a situation like this? 

Thanks a million!

I would have an attorney send a letter for you stating that as DD's father and being one of her legal guardians you insist that you be updated on DD's condition whenever you contact them or you will file a lawsuit against the daycare for withholding information from a child's legal guardian.

[Davy]

NYParent .... It appears matters are escalating as expected.  As you know, the mother is creating more turmoil for you to respond to in hopes that NY will decline jurisdiction claiming TX now appears to be the more appropriate forum to determine your child's future.

Any DV accusations will assist the cause to gain TX jurisdiction and, of course, the same with any legal action sought against a TX entity.

I would expect your NY attorney is guiding  your efforts.  At very least,  You may want to reconsider your TX attorney filing for special exclusive appearance for jurisdictional matters only.  You may know that an attorney as your representative  can (and will) cut a deal or make arrangements and/or resolve issues without your consent.

You might want to focus on finalizing jurisdiction, getting your TX attorney to formally only appear on jurisdiction matters, and perhaps subpeona the day care worker for disposition in NY at their expense (I bet you get your answers then) while building up for your NY custody determination.  Not neccessarily in that order.

Irregardless of jurisdiction, you may know there are many children with loving, nuturing and great responsible fathers they have not seen for years if ever.  Don't become one of them.

[NYParent]

Yes, my sister wrote down time and date and a summary of the phone conversation with BM and is willing to testify.

I get the feeling that she's doing this in an effort to piss me off and have me act out in anger.  Well she's wasting her time.  I even stop sending communication.  I followed Gemini's advise and sent a certified letter with suggested times for communication and asked her that if that didn't work she should suggest alternate times ASAP.  I am attempting my communication on the specified times.  When leaving a voice mail I clearly state my name, date and time and that I was calling to speak to DD.

My attorney said that the judge is going to see through her attempts.  The fact that the judge is pissed at her, is working against her right now.  Every attorney I've spoken to about the matter have stated that BM is doing the worst possible thing....withholding my child.

As far as DV, there's never been ANY.  The only thing that worries me is that from reading post here it seems like TRO are easily given to women who make such claims.  Although I get the feeling that the judge would see that for what it is....a desperate attempt. 

Davy-  I already followed your advise with my attorney in TX and had him file for jurisdictional purposes only.

I get the feeling that jurisdiction will be finalized in our next hearing.  I will NEVER give up on my DD....NEVER.  I have seen what happens to children who grow up without a dad....plus, I can't imagine not having DD in my life.

[mdegol]

She is doing the worst possible things.  Give them enough rope and they hang themselves.  The sad thing is, while all of this is going on, you aren't seeing your child.  *sigh*  At least the hearing is soon.  When jurisdiction was decided for me in Texas, I did appear in the hearing, which did not hurt my case since personal jurisdiction was moot.  Since personal jurisdiction is already moot for you also, are you planning to go to the special appearance hearing?  I only ask because you should try to see child if you have to be there anyway.  She is KILLING herself if she doesn't let you see your child, but it will be her choice since the judge won't be able to order it.    Our situation was opposite, since I am CP and NCP was trying to file in Texas.  Judge asked us to bring child for hearing so that father could see him as long as we were going to be there anyway (how this happened was a little complicated).  After the hearing he said that he couldn't order visitation since he didn't have jurisdiction.  Of course we brought child and father visited with him for the time we were in Texas. Same will be true for you.  Judge in Texas won't be able to order it, but she will look HORRIBLE if she doesn't let you see your child.  Also anytime we had court in my state I always allow visitation while he is here.   I would be handing my head on a plate otherwise.

I will say, she probably isn't showing up to court for the same jurisdictional issues reasons.  Lawyers prob told her not to show up, since that is the usual advice.  She is just on the wrong side of it, since NY has jurisdiction and she is ticking off the judge.  Although maybe she is just thumbing her nose at the court based on her other behavoir LOL.  Just, in my case the other side in Texas kept saying that about me, since I didn't show up for the first couple of hearing (I didn't know about one, and then wasn't served in time for the next and although I knew about it, I could not go).  I hadn't been served and it would have subjected me to the jurisdiction of Texas to just show up at it.  We had to file the special appearance before any appearance in court.  And the judge was ticked off at me the same way.  But I won entirely because of the way I did it (as you certainly have found out).  The lawyer called it "strategy" but it was extremely scary since the judge was making negative comments about me not being there.  But once the special appearance was filed, it was in my favor to appear, since it showed respect for the court. He was still not happy until he heard all the facts and had an attitude with me at the first special appearance hearing (the second hearing he had read all of the evidence, and he actually yelled at the father at one point).

As far as daycare, they just don't want to do the wrong thing and get sued I think.  That's why they are quiet.  If you had a good relationship up to this point, I would wait it out.  They aren't lawyers and these court actions scare the heck out of them.  You are within your rights to force them to give you info, but I wouldn't want my child in the care of people that are also being subjected to legal threats.  They should be professional, but I just won't take any risks.  Thats just what I would do.