Causing Drama

[greatdad]

>I understand the issues this can cause, as I am a single
>parent to a 6 and 10 year old and our weeknight evenings are
>jammed packed with dinner, baths, and homework.

Amen to that, mine are 4 and 7 and aside from dinner ( I actually cook a hot meal each night for them),homework and baths, I try to also find some amount of time to actually sit and BE with them, even if to watch  a "kids" show for a few minutes, just to allow them some Daddy time.
>
>However, as I read your post.... I think she's doing this
>because she has lost control of *everything* else in regards
>to the children she gave birth to.  
>
I completely agree. Because I was in her position for a few months when this all started ( I came home 2 days before Fathers day in 06 and she had taken the kids and went to another state. I had to get a temp order to start making her allow EOW visitation, but that took almost 2 months. I cried myself awake, to sleep, and at work.The difference is I had no choice in what she did. She on the other hand, chose the path that led to the courts decisision. That said, I truly do understand the pain I went through ( I say I, because I now realize that what I feel , and what X feels apparently are way different) when I couldn't see my children every day.


>But also, I think 10 minutes is fair.

Thanks, not only is 10 minutes fair, but going beyond a 10 minute call with a 4 & 7 year old  on a daily ( not once a week) basis means, your keeping them on the phone, just because you can. Honestly...if you as an adult, talk 10 minutes EVERY night to another adult.....your just talking about nonesense...sort of just bsing to kill time.

The poor kids end up laying the phone on the floor and giggling with each other in boredom after about 2 minutes and I have to try and get them to speak.....that is no longer my job.

[wysiwyg]

Hi, I just wanted to pass along my opinion.  Please understsand I am not trying to be confrontational and understand you are the custodial parent, but a few key things popped into my mind as I read this post and its responses.

If your court order states that mom can call between 7-8 PM - then it seems to me that is what she is doing, if there is nothing that specifically says the call has to be ended at 8 PM, then the rest is an interpretation.  If you want clarification, then you would need the judge to do that.  Other than that - it seems mom is following the order.

In my opinion I am in agreement with you that children 4 & 7 do not have a lengthy attention span to carry on a conversation so if the call lasts until 810 or 815 is really only an issue for you in that it disrupts your schedule of homework, bath and bed time.  Who is really being harmed?  Typically I do not see the courts react on anything unless there is harm done or a potential for harm.  THink of it this way, if you got held up in traffic and were 10 minutes late getting home to get dinner on the table then the kids get to bed 10 minutes late, it throws off your whole schedule, so bed and bath and dinner would also be behind by a few minutes, but no one is harmed.

Many years ago when my DH had his custodial evaluation, the report came back that mom was extremely organized and rigid in her schedule which would become a frustration to the child as the child reached adolescence.  The report went on to say that BM needed to be more flexible with the child's schedule and that there are times to be flexible and disrupt schedules.  

I am NOT saying that this is an every day thing, however, there are times that letting the kids go beyond 8 is a good thing for them, they need to see that it is ok to talk to mom, and that dad is working with mom to promote a good relationship with them and her, and that dad can be flexible with things.  THere are times when the kids will have a lot of homeowk and will need that extra 10 minutes so staying on schedule is necessary but there are also times to stay up late and eat junk food and just hang out!

I guess the bottom line is to evaluate it on the fly.

I hope this makes sense, so far it has been a coffee"less" morning!