Steaming mad...what to do?

[MYSONSDAD]

She is blowing smoke and pushing your buttons. In my State, improper dressing is neglect. When the clothes do not accomadate the weather, then it can be an issue. Like no coat, hat, gloves at -5 degrees. Choose your battles wisely. And like the witch said, smile like hell....

Take pictures of what she sends, video tape in front of the TV to date it. Keep the receipts of what you do buy. Shoes too small can cause permant damage. Take the child to the doctor, get 3rd party documentation that this is destructive to the child's development.

I keep extra clothes bought from walmart or K-mart for these occassions. Clothes that are about to be outgrown. But our son is the first concern. He will be dressed for comfort. If the items do not get returned, I am not out much.

This happens a lot with most of us here. It is just a game used to get you angry. Once you let it go, do what is right by the child, the game ends. But the most important lesson is, the child sees who puts their best efforts forward toward their well being. Kids are smarter then we give them credit for. They may not say anything, but they observe.

The bottom line for me is the clothes are not mine, they are not hers, they are our sons clothes. Just don't send the really good stuff back. You might also think about garage sales.  
 
"Children learn what they live"

[4honor]

Once upon a time when we were being just as childish as BM and SS was sent in a pair of HOLEY sweatpants and pair of shoes 2 sizes too small, we bought him new and sent it home. BM kept it and sent SS in the same old disgusting stuff she had sent  him in the visitation before.

So I fixed her wagon. I "encouraged" the too small shoes to show SS's toes ....    and the holey sweats ended up with a MAJOR tear through the crotch area -- happened in the wash as a matter of fact -- yep, I made that huge tear before I took it out of the wash machine to put it into the dryer.  (What?!? I told the truth!)

We sent SS home in a new pair of sweatpants (they were on sale for $4 that weekend at K marche') same color, and sent the sweats home with SS in his now properly air conditioned shoes with his toes gratefully sticking out the end instead of being cramped inside. (Did you know that spoons make the same impression on the shoe as toe nails do when you push from the inside out?)

We let BM know that since the things had been ruined at our home we had replaced the clothes and shoes ("please just keep the shoes he came home with last weekend").

BM has never failed to put SS in "serviceable" if not exactly stylish clothes since... she was moritified that SS was walking around like some Clampet reject.  

Now, I do not suggest that you do the same, as it was childish of me. But SS didn't know I had made the alterations -- he just thought he had a growth spurt when he got dressed. (Really.)

We kept clothing for SS here, even when BM was ordered to provide it all, because when it is hot out you forget to pack an extra jacket for that sudden rain shower (we live in the NW and there is almost always a sudden rain shower) etc. So SS had a little bit of all weather's clothing with us... or he did until he went and got that pesky no contact RO...so it was all moved to the in laws' place. DH "visits" him there.

[dontunderstand]

We have a great attorney, that doesn't charge us for this kind of BS!  He sent us the letter 3 MONTHS after he recieved it and only with some other info so that he wouldn't have to charge us!  (He has been/is) a father going through the BS too!  I just posted because I feel it is easier to vent here than to stress DH out further!  Thanks for listening and responding you all!!!

[dontunderstand]

I think our BM is boarderline personality too!  She DEFINATELY has some mental illness!  The stuff she says and does is definately NOT normal!  
We did keep all of her Christmas stuff here, as everything we send home goes in the garbage even if she NEEDS it.  I feel horrible, but I will just do what I can.  It was funny, Christmas Day she asked me, "Are we rich?"  DH was a little confused, (we are not rich, but we can buy what we need and some of what we want)  so I explained it to him...We must look rich to her, here she always has new shoes and clothes, we are always doing family things (that usually cost money), the kids got tons for Christmas, and we never say things to her like "we're broke" or discuss finances with her like BM does.  The funniest part is that BM always tells her to ask DH if "he is broke, because he doesn't pay child support"  (he does EVERY month) and to ask him if he has a job, ETC... then SD comes over here and sees things completely different!  

[skye]

I went through this so many times..first take a picture of her at pick up ..and take a picture of her at drop off..

document...

and do NOT send the clothes you buy for BM...keep them at your house..from the pics you will be able to show WHY you need to purchase clothes and keep them at your home