Chewing the PBFH out...(VERY long)

[tulip]

I hope everything works out for you and your bf. It sounds like those kids love you an awful lot. Sometimes, with men, they have to see just how back things have gotten and how serious you are before they will do anything about it.

[Kitty C.]

Your SO's kids sound like my SS!  Don't know if you were aware, but DS and I moved out in early Feb. and I had filed for divorce.  DH 'saw the light' as well, is getting the help that he needed, we moved back, and our relationship is stronger than ever.

But the first weekend after we moved back that SS came over, the moment he walked in the door, he VAULTED into my arms, and couldn't talk because he was crying!  If I needed any proof that he loved me, I got it then!

[dsm]

Good luck.  I'm happy for you!

A bit of advice - do not give the PB any more info about you from here on.  She doesn't need to know squat about you.  

Hopefully the counseling will make a difference.  Keep us updated!

:)

[hagatha]

Mel,

I have been on this  site since almost the beginning. And have been where you are. It's not a good place to be. So I will tell you what I have learned from my experience dealing with a vindictive person. It took me a while to do this, but once I understood the "rules" life was so much easier.

1st. She is trying to reak havoc in Your house. And by what you have posted she is suceeding. She probably thrives on conflict and having either you or DH engage in her chaos gives her pleasure. Stop engaging her

2nd. Say NOTHING about her while the children are in your home EVER!!
everything you say can and will be heard by the children. Count on that. If you absolutely must discuss something go out to the car and talk.If the children tell you something only respond with "thats nice", "is that so" and "okay". You can also count on the kids pitting you and DH against her. Don't give her any ammunition through them. And don't give them the power to manipulate.

3rd. She isn't Your problem so don't become hers. All dealing should be with your DH. There should never be a reason for you to contact her. And that includes emergency situations. Let DH handle everything.

4th. Stop expecting him to "stick up for you". That is what is causing problems in Your home. If he trusts you and you trust him, nothing she says should matter.  Ignore her crap. If it must be addressed than laugh and her pathetic attempts to reek havoc.

5th. DISENGAGE!!!!!!!!!!

Tell your DH that you no longer need to know what crap she is spewing unless he needs to talk about it. Then do it. She isn't a part of your life and family. Stop letting her be

Hag


Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

[DK]

I know you were writing to Melly, but it sure sounded like you were talking to me.  Thanks, I needed that!      DK

[nosonew]

I just wish Hag had been able to tell me that years ago.  I have done what she said for Melly to do, and believe me, I am a much calmer, saner, loving, person now than before. If PBFH starts something, I stay out of it, (except in the background where ss and she don't know I am involved a little), and hubby takes care of it. I have to put my two cents in to him, as it is my home too, my family too, but talking to her, emailing her, etc., forget it. Not worth the trouble or the aggravation.

ALL stepmoms should print and post what she wrote. Thanks Hag!