How far is too far to travel

[Ref]

Well, cute little 13 year old SD left a message on our answering machine. She said " I, I mean Mom just got the tickets you sent for visitation. This is rediculous, just rediculous." She continued her toungue lashing for a about 30 more seconds. The words and the thought patterns were not that of a 13 year old. I can just see her mom blowing off infront of her and telling her to leave us a message.

SD was so disrepectful. What do you guys think? She DH tell her that she is wrong to speak to him that way, or do you think that would push her even farther away so that he will never get a chance to show her what a good Dad he is?

This will not be a very good weekend. Full of turmoil. How do you guy handle a b*tchy teen? I need help. I have no kids of my own and really had no problems with SD until just recently.

Thanks

[MixedBag]

The day for her to come see you is getting close...

Right now, I'd bite my tongue until she steps off the plane and is on YOUR turf without her mother (in this case) standing behind her.

When DH hears his son being disrespectful on the phone to him, sometimes he calls him on it because Dad can hear mom telling son to say this or that.  And of course, son says (o.k., yells) NO SHE'S NOT.

It's so obvious to us where it's all coming from.

Let her get there and then see where it goes.

Even if it's gonna be a "bitchy weekend" -- I think things will simmer down quite quickly once she gets away from her mother's clutches and remembers the good times from just recently.

[Ref]

Sd flew in last night. She seemed fine. Hugged me and DH, laughed, said she had a great flight. She even got bumped to first class. She sat next to a boy who was going to see his dad for the weekend too.

BM just called when SD was asleep. She said the SD was putting up a major fight at the airport and that she and SD were crying the whole time.

It is so odd how polar opposite SD is with her mom and us. Poor girl.
BM also told DH that she told SD that if she doesn't come up that he is going to "take her a** to court." I wish I had that on tape.

DH is going to have his talk with SD today about what is going on in her mind. Find out why she was so upset about coming and why she is ok now.

I am so sad for SD and wish there were something I can do.

[wendl]

I'm gald SD arrived safely, and how cool to get bumped up to 1st class and what luck to sit next to another child going to see his dad.

Soundsl like you will have a good weekend. Many time the other parent makes the kids feel bad about wanting to visit the other one. But usually once they arrive they are fine.

I know my ss's on Sundays when it's time to go back to mom get all crabby and strart fighitng, yss used to kick and cry getting into moms car, dad simply said he loved him and would see him soon. DH didn't want son to feel like he wasnt going to see them again etc. Its heart breaking but once they do the adjustment they are usually fine, funny thing is when dh picks up his kids they never kick and scream like when they return to moms. Hmmmm make syou wonder.

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[MixedBag]

Sorry -- I asked for it on the other board....

great to hear she showed up and I hope you all had a good weekend.

What Wendl said -- this past summer, MSD was getting all crabby about going to see her dad too.  Boy was she a fun one to handle....

When she came back, she apologized to me saying "I just didn't want to go and leave my friends and took it out on you, but I did want to go see my dad."  I made her go -- knowing what her priorities should be even if she was being a little witch.

Hang in there!

[Ref]

It was strange. DH gave me the lowdown on the conversation that he had with SD over breakfast. He asked her why she was so worked up about coming here. He also told her that her mom said that she was crying at the airport and he wanted to know why. She said that she was basically overreacting because her friend was having a birthday party that she wanted to go to.

We were trying to figure out how to tell her why he will never discuss the problems that he and BM are having.  He used this analogy. " When you have 2 friends that are fighting and each one of them tells you about what the fight was about, do they tell you the same thing? Ofcourse not. It is in human nature to want the person in the middle to think that they were the good person in the fight and the other person is the bad person. If you beleive one person you might get mad at the other for no reason. That is why couselors and judges don't want children to be in the middle and to be talked to about adult problems. They might side with the parent that is telling them their side rather than figuring out that it may be biased. "
It went something like that. I wasn't there, but it sounded like SD understood.

She acted pretty normal the rest of the stay. We played cards and badmitton and joked and wrestled and all of the fun things that we do at our home together.

We have not talked to her since she called when she landed. She seemed ok. It was a real short conversation, just to check in.

Thanks for all of your advice and support.