Custody modification

[backwardsbike]

All parties and order in PA.  I am NCM.  I have parenting time EOW and half of all summers and school breaks.

My X and I have been to court numerous times over the last 8.5 years that we've been separated/divcorced.  Last Februray we had a custody modifcation hearing which I had filed.

My X insisted the children speak to the judge.  My 17 year old son was highly and visably upset and acted like he wanted no part of it.  My 14 year old DD is all for her dad and was saying terrible things about me.

 There was no change to custody, but at my request the judge ordered X and I to counsleing.  The counsleor and I both thought it was good idea to include the kids. X refused.

So far, the counseling has only produced one face to face session between my X adn I.  In it I was asking that a biweekly week night two hour visit be changed from Tuesday night to another week night as I began taking graduate classes and a required class met on the court ordered night for the visit.

I had emailed my X previously about this and he had refused to change the night of the visit but agreed to meet with the counsloer about it.

I thought the session went well.  There were two visits prior to the session with the counsleor which my Dh exercised in my abscense.  There are half siblings here in my home, so the kids all got to spend the time together.  I got to see the children for about a quarter of the visit before having to leave for the class.

Well, X has filed a custody mod based on the NC kids telling him that my DH was drinking during the visit and that I had refused to change the night of the visit.

This is totally false.  I have documentation that I did agree to change the night of the visit.  And had my X just agreed to the switch when I asked we would not be in this perdicament now as the children would never have been with my Dh instead of me.

My Dh was not drinking that night. I talked to him and to the two NC kids during the vist by phone and my 78 year old aunt was here and with Dh the whole time.  But she is my aunt.  There were no other witnesses.

My X never informed me of the alleged drinking and turned the kids over for my parenting time the following Friday.  The children never said a word about the alleged drinking to me or to anyone else except thier dad and his lawyer.  The weekend visit was unremarkable.

My X did not come to get the children early from the Tuesday night visit.  They apparently did not call him to say they were uncomfortable during the visit.

My X had filed a reprot with CYS against me in August. This was due to an incident of drinking by my DH.  Dh received treatment. i filed a PFA which would make it possible for me to havehim removed from the premesis if he drinks again. The case was closed on September 20.  CYS did not feel my family was in need of any services at that time.  This is the second report X has made on us. The last was unfounded and called a "spite" report.

My DS told me at the time of the custody hearing in February that he would say whateverhis dad told him to say. Whne I saked why he said, " Becasue I know that no matter what happends, you will alwsy love us".  I am scared to geath about what my children will say to the judge this time or what "evidence" may be manufactured by my X.

Questions:

Other than calling my aunt as a witness, how can I prove Dh was not drinking?

In your opinion, would my aunt be considered credible?

Do my other facts suggest that the chidren may not have really been in any discomfort or that the X was not actually worried about thier comfort or saftey?

Any other words of advice for me?

[socrateaser]

>Questions:
>
>Other than calling my aunt as a witness, how can I prove Dh
>was not drinking?

You could offer to have DH submit to a polygraph exam on the question. But, from what I'm reading, DH apparently has a drinking problem, so this issue s not going away unless you either leave DH or he gets sober and stays that way. Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but that's how I'm reading your comments.

>In your opinion, would my aunt be considered credible?

Probably not, but she's better than just you testifying.

>
>Do my other facts suggest that the chidren may not have really
>been in any discomfort or that the X was not actually worried
>about thier comfort or saftey?

It's all overshadowed by the fact that your DH appears to have a drinking problem. If he didn't drink, none of this would be at issue.

>Any other words of advice for me?

Yes. You have been fighting a losing battle for a very long time. Unless you are prepared to change your life so as to put yourself in a position where your children believe that you are reasonably available to them all the time, nothing will change in your case.

Even if your ex were not manipulative, your continued absence from the locale will always make it very difficult for you to be received by the court with much credibility. I realize that you are looking for a solution, and I'm not trying to give you a brow beating. But, winning custody battles are difficult enough when parents live a 5 minute walk away and there are no issues of alienation.

Here, you have tons of alienation and you are rarely available. I'm not gonna tell you to "let it go," because I know it's important. But, you need to carefully evaluate what you are trying to achieve, and whether you are reasonably likely to do so, without making some fairly huge changes in your life.

Otherwise, you will continue to lose ground (or tread water), in my opinion.

[backwardsbike]

Thanks, Soc.  I have been mulling over your advice for the last several days.

I have real reason to beleive that my children, who came here for a weekend visit last week, planted "evidence" in my car last Saturday night. This has indeed clarified and changed my objective.  I no longer feel at all comfortable haiving them in or near my home.  With this level of alineation, I feel the only way to protect myself is to sign over full custody to the CP.

In your response you said that I was unavailable to my kids.  The sad part of that is that I live an equal distance from thier school as thier dad.  In fact, I can drive them to school in less time than the current bussing situation gets them to school.  I can drive to the X's house in 20 minutes.  But I am never allowed a second of extra time, so I may as well be living a million miles away.

Thanks Soc.  You have given me very good advice over the last several years.  You are really the only attorney I ever trusted completely.  And I sepecially appreciate your sincerity and gentleness in your last repsonse.  It really helped me a lot.