Father denied out-of-state visitation

[markklepk]

My situation is a very complex one. As a father of 5, I have lived on both sides of the custodialship. Married twice, first wife leaving us and making me forced into single parenthood, I have now raised all three children. My second wife and divorced a year ago with two children, lives in nebraska and not granted visitation, I am paying child support. I havent seen these children in almost 10 years and don't know if I will ever be able to see them. I demanded visitation be granted through my divorce lawyer but was informed that out-of-state visitation is impossible. Judge would not even consider it. Any Help would be greatly appreciated.
Signed
Mark in Illinois

[4honor]

establishing your relationship with them on an increasing basis. Since it has been so long, you need to take it slow... you are a virtual stranger to them.

[markklepk]

Because I live in a different state than my children, I was denied the visitation and informed that out-of state visitation was vertually impossible. That no Illinois judge would grant visitation in the state of Nebraska.
Mark in Ill

[jilly]

In a word....Bullsh**t
People get out-of-state visitation all the time. I daresay Illinois is no different and I'd even go out on a limb and say that the people on this board who live in Illinois and have children in another State will tell you the same thing.
Whoever "informed" you of this is lying to you or too lazy to do the necessary paperwork.

[markklepk]

Thank You, Unbelieveable, and I swallowed this.
I will get another lawyer.
Thanks Again
Mark-in-morris,IL

[MixedBag]

All three of our divorces are "out of state" situations.

MAYBE, just MAYBE since you said you haven't seen the kids in 10 years that's the basic reason why you got your answer.

So the advice becomes a combination of what 4honor said -- get back into your kids lives because you are a stranger -- and what the other person said.

When your EX started interfering with your time with the kids (10 years ago), was when you should have started "fighting back".....

I know, you had no clue etc.....that you could do something about it or that you had no money, etc.....

Work to move forward from this point and that probably means that you need to pull out your divorce decree, see WHEN you are allowed to have the kids and then take baby steps forward so that they can get to know you (AGAIN) as their father.

[wendl]

Well you were miss informed, when my ex's parents divorced his dad stayed in CA and his mom moved to a different state.
 My ex would go to his dad during the summer and holidays etc. (and this was over 28yrs ago)

SO you  had a crappy ass attorney.

In those 10yrs did you have contact by phone with your kids??? If so you better go get all your phone records.

It will be a long haul, you will probably have to go thru the reunification process (to get to know your kids and for the kids to get to know you)

Good luck

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[MikaC]

Get a new lawyer is right. Someone has given you false information. When I met my husband, he was living in Illinois and had filed for divorce there. His ex was living in Nebraska. They had joint custody of two girls with her having primary physical custody. His visitation was during the summer and any other time that they could agree upon. Usually we had them every other Christmas in addition to the summer. It was eventually modified to include spring break. So whoever told you that out of state visitation doesn't happen was so wrong. From  1991 until 2003 he had the girls all summer and every other Christmas and we never lived in the same state as them. In fact we have never lived closer than a 13-15 hour drive. From 1991 until last year, he never missed a visitation. Due to extreme parental alienation though, we haven't seen the girls in over a year. But he also had an Iowa judge tell him last year that "in my personal opinion, all summer is too much visitation anyway." and the judge would not enforce the court ordered visitation nor would he hold her in contempt for violating it. And this was after he had already ruled her in contempt and sentenced her to jail time. He vacated that order though. She moved from Nebraska to Iowa a few years ago and we had several visits with the Iowa courts. She has now moved back to Nebraska though.

But I digress. Out of state visitation can and does happen.

Mika

[markklepk]

I didn't expect all the responses, But thanks, after reading all of them and quite over-whelmed by the responses, I am going to open up to even a more personal matter. I left my wife, due to her abuse to my kids that I had custody of from a previous marriage. Upon leaving she stated that I would never be able to see the two children we had togather that were in her care. That in North Platte Nebraska her family was quite well known and that if I ever set foot in that town I would be arrested or forcefully removed but any means. My 2 children have probably grew to understand that I am a monster by misinformation. As a single parent of three boys in my custody from a previous marriage I could not afford to be in this trouble. My last one is in his senoir year and I am to a point where I am going to aggressively start to take a stand, either by showing up or by legal means. My divorce decree says nothing to the effect of visitation other than it is not granted, w/o an excuse.
Your thoughts
Mark-in-Illinois

[msme]

Okay, you have been had. Now it is time to back up & regroup. If your attorney put it in writing that out of state visitation was not permitted, then I would also seek the advice of a malpractice attorney.

Back to your current situation, Plan a vacation to the closest major city to where the kids are. Find an attorney who is a Family Law & Custody Specialist. Remember that you are HIRING him/her & he/she works for you.

Do not look for an attorney in her town. The 'Good ol' boys' won't have your or your children's best interests in mind. Also it is impossible to tell who is in who's pocket.

Go to a couple of schools in that city & speak to the counselors. Ask for referals to mental health services who work with reunification. Choose the one that gets the best reference.

Set up an intake & tell them everything. Ask for help in starting the process with your kids. This is not going to be easy. The kids have probably been taught to hate you or they may have just been told to ignore your existance.

There may be a step-dad who will not appreciate having his position changed & may try to make things even more difficult for you.

Do not go to her town without a witness with a video camera. Your attorney should do most of the initial contacts for you.

The main thing you should do is to doccument everything, no matter how seemingly insignificant. Sit down & write up as a detailed a history as you can remember.

Finally, pray. I will add you & your children to my prayer list. Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!