Dilemma - comments help please

[wysiwyg]

Good morning Soc,

I hope you had a wonderful holiday with your family!

I am BF/NCP.  Case is in IN.

Over the weekend 15 son came for weekend as per parenting plan, we had  numerous conversations as always about all topics of life etc, however this time a twist and I need your help.

Son came out the door from home BM on Friday afternoon storming from the house yelling at her, once in car he explained that she is on his case - so I listened.  Since she is admittedly violent and physically abusive (in court records) and on prozac, and since I have been the brunt of her beatings I see hints of problems to come in the future between the two of them however I maintained my cool, let him speak and we discussed the matter in detail.  My issue is that he said some things including drinking and leaving his home and coming here to live.  

Given that his mother refuses to speak to me in any way shape or form, including refusing to answer her phone and return a message (if by chance the machine is one which it usually is not).  I thought about calling the police and asking them to assist, however I do not want the child to have a record of any sort since he has ambitions of going to the military and do not want to blemish his record.  

My question is as followss;

1.  How do I handle this situation if/when he shows up some late night at my home?

2.  What if he has been drinking?

3.  If I call and notify her and then have son talk to her, and request that she allow son to cool down and stay the night, telling her we get him to school the next morning and she refuses, how do I handle that and make my son believe I have not betrayed him since I do not have custody?

My concerns are that she will somehow twist this around (as she has done previously and filed false police reports) that we kidnapped him or something to that nature.

[socrateaser]

>My question is as followss;
>
>1.  How do I handle this situation if/when he shows up some
>late night at my home?

Call child and family services and ask them to investigate, because the kid is staying away from home out of fear.
>
>2.  What if he has been drinking?

You should tell him that if he wants your help, that he needs to stop drinking immediately and permanently (until 21). Otherwise, you won't have anything to do with him.

It's illegal for a minor to drink. END OF STORY. If he needs help because he can't stop drinking, then offer to go with him to AA, because alcoholism is something that you simply cannot fix. People have to hit rock bottom and then try to fix themselves.

However, as a minor, if you cannot get him to admit he has a problem (assuming he does) and take action, then you should leave it to the authorities, because you cannot fix it. And, if you bring him into your home, you still won't be able to fix it, and you'll be miserable.

The only reliable means of undoing an alcoholic is some sort of continuous group support. I've been through this -- don't allow yourself to be fooled. Eventually, you will be telling the kid that you will be happy to pick him up out of the gutter to take him to a shelter, but if you give him any financial aid he will just drink it.

So, you need to stop the madness now, before it's too late. And, you need to be prepared realize that sometimes, there is nothing you can do, and that you will lose the child no matter how hard you try.

>3.  If I call and notify her and then have son talk to her,
>and request that she allow son to cool down and stay the
>night, telling her we get him to school the next morning and
>she refuses, how do I handle that and make my son believe I
>have not betrayed him since I do not have custody?

Call child and family services when this happens. They will investigate and it may improve your legal situation.