Establishing Pattern Question.

[burry]

Hello Soc,

I'm the stepmom to two wonderful boys (9 and 12) who reside with DH and myself during the school year (with BM EOW) and 1/2 of the summer. We are in AZ. Both SS's have monthly medical expenses which DH and I cover and wait to get reimbursed from BM until she feels like paying. When school started this year, we made a list of the school clothes the kids were going to need approx. costs for a heads up for her and let her know that we would be submitting the actual receipts when the items were purchased. She responded with a lenghty email about how we are the ones who wanted the boys to "live with us" and that she wasn't going to pay anything towards their living expenses while they are "with us".

In the agreed upon paperwork (written up and signed at mediation), child support was agreed to be $0 being paid by either parent (the reason was because they would both "have" the children close to equal amounts). Since then, as stated above, she has them EOW and 1/2 of the summer. Which actually seems to be working ok for everyone emotionally (kids included), but she is still unwilling to help out financially when it comes to school expenses. My husband and I have gone around and around when it comes to whether we should ask for child support for the boys or if it would cause too much friction. We are able to support them with their needs, but like many others, we do have to restrict them from participating in activities because of lack of funds on our part.

Ok, so here are the acutal questions:

1. How long does it take (documenting everything) to establish a pattern of her unwillingness to help support the kids?

2. In your experience, does it make sense for us to just let the child support issue go and just raise them the best we can? Or to potentially start making an okay situation very bad for the sake of allowing the children to have the best childhood possible (with all parents contributing)?

Thanks so much for your insight!

Burry

[socrateaser]

>Ok, so here are the acutal questions:
>
>1. How long does it take (documenting everything) to establish
>a pattern of her unwillingness to help support the kids?

Irrelevant.

>
>2. In your experience, does it make sense for us to just let
>the child support issue go and just raise them the best we
>can? Or to potentially start making an okay situation very bad
>for the sake of allowing the children to have the best
>childhood possible (with all parents contributing)?

I won't take a moral position on this issue. You have a legal right to child support from the other parent. If the circumstances have changed since the agreement was made, and the result is that you are exercising the bulk of custody then you can file a motion to modify child support and custody to reflect the status quo parenting arrangements. Then it will be up to the other parent to explain to the court why she shouldn't be obligated to pay.

Just make certain you have proof that you've been exercising custody in the amount you claim (school records, receipts, witnesses, etc.) -- just in case the other parent denies she's only been exercising occasional custody.