CP Mom sexually abusing son?

[desperado]

I have compelling reason to believe that Mom is sexually abusing our 9 year old son through boundary violations of bathing, dressing, bed-sharing and touching.  Mom was sexually abused herself and has voiced fears of doing that to her own children and has talked about being sexually attracted to our son.  She says when she looks at his penis "It is so perfect, I just can't look away!"    The situation is further complicated because she abuses sleep medications and suffers from depression and DID / alternate personalities.

What is the best way to have this investigated with validity and to get help for my son (and for the mother?).

I don't want to come across as some over-reactive, disgruntled Dad, I want my Son to be safe and well.

Desperado

[socrateaser]

>I have compelling reason to believe that Mom is sexually
>abusing our 9 year old son through boundary violations of
>bathing, dressing, bed-sharing and touching.  Mom was sexually
>abused herself and has voiced fears of doing that to her own
>children and has talked about being sexually attracted to our
>son.  She says when she looks at his penis "It is so perfect,
>I just can't look away!"    The situation is further
>complicated because she abuses sleep medications and suffers
>from depression and DID / alternate personalities.
>
>What is the best way to have this investigated with validity
>and to get help for my son (and for the mother?).

What objective evidence of your allegations exist?

Would the child admit being abused to a therapist/social worker?

[desperado]

>>I have compelling reason to believe that Mom is sexually
>>abusing our 9 year old son through boundary violations of
>>bathing, dressing, bed-sharing and touching.  Mom was
>sexually
>>abused herself and has voiced fears of doing that to her own
>>children and has talked about being sexually attracted to
>our
>>son.  She says when she looks at his penis "It is so
>perfect,
>>I just can't look away!"    The situation is further
>>complicated because she abuses sleep medications and suffers
>>from depression and DID / alternate personalities.
>>
>>What is the best way to have this investigated with validity
>>and to get help for my son (and for the mother?).
>
>What objective evidence of your allegations exist?
>
>Would the child admit being abused to a therapist/social
>worker?

The child may/ or may not admit something to a therapist but the mother has been blocking attempts to get him in counseling, also, she has him sequestered in Homeschool and he doesn't have much outside contact.

Objective symptoms / evidence are:

1)  Extensive bedwetting
2)  Genital rashes
3)  Fondling himself
4)  Emotional outbursts
5)  Sleeping naked with mom (after he wets his bed and takes off his clothes and diaper)
6)  Mom going to his bed for "comfort" when she cries at night
7)  His Intense fear of being seen naked when changing clothes
8)  Unhealthy dependence on Mom, trouble sleeping at my house
9)  Mom participating in bathing him (he can't adjust his own bathwater)
10) Mom bathing or changing with her door open
11) Mom sending him wierd e-mails about sleeping together

These things have beeen witnessed by other family members or myself
or told to my 12 year old daughter by the son.

One other fact, the Mom, in addition to being abused by Her Dad, Her Uncle and Her Older Brother, shared a bedroom with her younger brother and she in turn abused him for several years.

Desperado

[socrateaser]

>Objective symptoms / evidence are:
>
>1)  Extensive bedwetting
>2)  Genital rashes
>3)  Fondling himself
>4)  Emotional outbursts
>5)  Sleeping naked with mom (after he wets his bed and takes
>off his clothes and diaper)
>6)  Mom going to his bed for "comfort" when she cries at
>night
>7)  His Intense fear of being seen naked when changing
>clothes
>8)  Unhealthy dependence on Mom, trouble sleeping at my house
>9)  Mom participating in bathing him (he can't adjust his own
>bathwater)
>10) Mom bathing or changing with her door open
>11) Mom sending him wierd e-mails about sleeping together
>
>These things have beeen witnessed by other family members or
>myself
>or told to my 12 year old daughter by the son.

Huge difference between objective symptoms and objective witnesses. Your witnesses are not very credible unless they would ordinarily be viewed as hostile to you and favorable to the other parent. Family members lie for their side of the family. So, if all your witnesses are from your side, they're not worth much.

But, you can certainly put all the allegations in a motion and try to convince the judge that it's all true. It's a really ugly story. If I were judge, I would think that either it's true, or you are an incredible A-hole. No offense. Just not the sort of case facts that usually comes up around here.

[desperado]

Mom is not your average petitioner that you would see anywhere.

She was a victim of incest for 9 years, starting at age 5, she had sex with her Dad, her Uncles, her older brother and she in turn abused her younger brother when they shared a room.  

As an adult she was addicted to alcohol, cocaine, sex and LSD and now in her 40's her personality is fragmenting.  We separated after she attempted suicide, then assaulted me and she was arrested.  She has refused to get help regardless of my attempts.

My attorney said the case is so messy the courts are not going to like it. So we are depending on counselors and the Guardian Ad Litem to give some clarity and direction.

And no, I am not an A-Hole, and I am not making any of this up.

Desperado

[mistoffolees]

I didn't read Soc as saying you were making it up. He said that the courts have a hard time with this kind of thing because so many people who ARE A-holes file similar charges. (Your attorney seems to be saying the same thing or nearly the same thing).

I can add my personal experience. My stbx charged her first husband with sexual abuse of the children. There was no evidence except her allegations. Child Protection investigated and found nothing against him, so everything was dropped and he got joint custody. 15 years later, he's not a perfect parent (who is?) but he's done a good job and the kids love him and are close to him (actually, they've always been close to him which seems unlikely if he had been sexually abusing them).

Fast forward 15 years. My stbx is charging me with all sorts of bs (mostly also sexual in nature) and trying to keep my daughter away from me. Just had my session with the custody evaluator and he doesn't seem to see any issues (we'll know soon if he bought any of her nonsense).

The courts are in the position of protecting the kids first, but if the kids are not in danger, the courts want both parents involved. It's a tough position to be in when there's nothing but 'he said, she said'. That's why you need to be looking for tangible evidence - medical records, hospital admissions, police reports, etc. Tangible evidence means something. Unsupported allegations may not.