Police Report and 911 Calls.Cell Phone Harassment, & ACS Call, etc

[wysiwyg]

I know there are laws re: phone recording, but not sure about person to person. HOWEVER, if there is such a law re: person to person, then why not tell your BF to purchase one and when she starts to mouth off, tell him to take it out of his pocket - hold it up adn tell her - "I am recording this".  It will do 2 things, one give her the knowledge that she is being recorded, and 2.. to either shutup or continue to shout.  In either case it can work to his benefit.  

[mistoffolees]

>Hi,
>
>I appreciate your advice and I will let my BF know.  
>The only thing is I believe that recording in NYS is illegal
>unless you obtain the consent of the individual you are
>attempting to record but, I could be wrong.  If you know where
>I could find out information regarding such matter I would
>appreciate it.
>
>Thank you

I'm not familiar with the laws in your state. Try a google search. In my state, it's legal to record the other side without telling them. That obviously varies from state to state.

[notnew]

There is an article on this site that gives recording laws for each state. I am not sure exactly where it is located.

I can tell you that my ex was hostile and I carried a hand held recorder and recorded a confrontation between her and I that resulted in her attacking me when my back was turned.

Result? I got charged with assault and my charges against her were dropped. I was on probation for a short time too.

The recording was deemed inadmissable because she was on the telephone and the recording picked up her conversation which was construed to be an illegal wiretap. Crock of sh*t in my opinion.

Result from all of this? I insisted on exchanges at a police station and my wife comes with me a majority of the time.

This has greatly reduced conflict and my ex's hostile actions.

If I were  your BF, I would insist on exchanges at a public place such as a police station. It reduces the chances of problems.

While I can see that your presence at this time is obviously inflaming the ex to greater hostility, I can see that there may be a benefit of you not coming and a down side. She is going to have to learn to accept that you are part of the picture eventually. It can't be avoided forever.

I feel that if he can get the exchange designated as a police station, then whether you are there or not won't make a difference.

BTW - the court cannot specifically ORDER you or anyone else to comply with anything as you are not a party to the case and not subject to their jurisdiction.

The order saying they are not allowed to bring anyone is potentially dangerous for both of them. I would suggest that he ask for the order to say they have to be at a public place and YOU stay in the car. This way, you aren't "present" at the exchange, but there. He can stipulate that the child must be brought inside and the exchange take place inside. That way, they have witnesses who are at the public location who will keep her calm and you are not "in her face".

Good luck. It doesn't get any easier over time with most of these types of hostile people.

[mistoffolees]

>There is an article on this site that gives recording laws
>for each state. I am not sure exactly where it is located.
>
>I can tell you that my ex was hostile and I carried a hand
>held recorder and recorded a confrontation between her and I
>that resulted in her attacking me when my back was turned.
>
>Result? I got charged with assault and my charges against her
>were dropped. I was on probation for a short time too.

That seems odd - unless there's something else that we haven't heard.

>
>The recording was deemed inadmissable because she was on the
>telephone and the recording picked up her conversation which
>was construed to be an illegal wiretap. Crock of sh*t in my
>opinion.

The law is what it is. In fact, you were entitled to record her conversation with you, but not her conversation with another person (at least not without her consent). That's exactly the way the law reads and they did the right thing.

Granted, it's frustrating when your evidence gets thrown out on the basis of what you consider a technicality, but the law is all about technicalities. That's how our rights are protected.

>
>Result from all of this? I insisted on exchanges at a police
>station and my wife comes with me a majority of the time.
>
>This has greatly reduced conflict and my ex's hostile actions.
>
>
>If I were  your BF, I would insist on exchanges at a public
>place such as a police station. It reduces the chances of
>problems.

I think this is a better solution than asking the GF to not come to exchanges. The BF is entitled to have anyone he wants there and I don't like the suggestion that the GF should let the ex control her presence - even to avoid an argument. If they go to the police station for exchanges, they'll accomplish the same result - without letting the ex control the situation.

>
>BTW - the court cannot specifically ORDER you or anyone else
>to comply with anything as you are not a party to the case and
>not subject to their jurisdiction.

No, but they COULD order that the parents not have anyone else there for the exchange.

That would be a stupid order IMHO, but it could be done.

>
>The order saying they are not allowed to bring anyone is
>potentially dangerous for both of them. I would suggest that
>he ask for the order to say they have to be at a public place
>and YOU stay in the car. This way, you aren't "present" at the
>exchange, but there. He can stipulate that the child must be
>brought inside and the exchange take place inside. That way,
>they have witnesses who are at the public location who will
>keep her calm and you are not "in her face".

That is a far better solution.

[notnew]

Mist,

Regarding recording the phone conversation. Yes, a technicality I agree. Protecting my rights? In another setting, yes, but in this, protecting BM's right to be herself and violate my rights as a father.

It almost seems contrived and that her lawyer thought to cover all the bases in advance. This was about getting a protective order making me unable to see my child which did not happen.

Had I really been kidnapping my child and beating the hell out of my ex as they alleged, don't you think the person she was talking to would have called 911 or BM herself instead of carrying on a chatty conversation up until the point of the assault?

There is a lot more to this story, but it is water under the bridge. she used the system and it worked for her. An abuse of the recourse set up for REAL abused persons. However, I AM not an admitted domestic abuser and there is no record of domestic abuse on me and I did not have to attend anger management classes. It is a simple assault. I did get the better of some of what was going on.

My attorney at the time was a POS and my attorney for the assault failed to recognize what was really happening and didn't pursue the case properly. My fault for not being as educated about the system as I am now. This is why I advise early action in hostile situations. The faster you move to expose the truth, the better. The longer you wait, the better opposition covers it up and the more time they have to do so.

My attorney and opposing counsel agreed in the hallway to drop charges against both parties in the hearing. In the actual hearing, after my attorney dropped charges, hers didn't.

Anyway, all history as I said.

Fact of the matter is that recording isn't always a sure fire way to protect yourself.

Fact is that going a different route as I suggessted and you agreed is a better way to go is probably the best route to pursue.

I sure do wish I had more promising experiences to relay!

[HzlEyez]

Hi,

Thank you for that idea I will tell my BF to consider the idea.

[HzlEyez]

Hi

Well my boyfriend wants it to be at the local precinct because, he states the same thing that it will control her from doing anything that she isn't suppose to.  
I honestly don't believe that it will stop her in anyway because, the court hasn't done anything to her that is much of an impact to her that will get the message accross to her that you have to obey the law.  She thinks the law is a joke is what I perceive from her.

The order states that no one is to be present at the public place where the pick up and drop off is taking place.  I have never gone to the public place with my BF.  My BF has always parked his car a block away from the public place. The only thing is he makes sure I have a visual of him and that is it.  
What I did when she did the first incident in December in the presence of her daughter and my daughter.  I went to court and scheduled for mediation which she didn't even show up for.  So, since I did show up for the mediation I did have a one on one mediation and I explained to the mediator what has been happening that brought me to consider mediation with her.  The mediator after listening recommended that if I am accompanying my BF to the pick up and drop off that my BF should continue to park the car a block away as he has been doing and she also recommended that if she acts up as she has been doing to call the police and report her.  She told me to keep the reports and give them to my boyfriend so, that when he went to court he can show the judge what exactly the child's mother has been doing.
I honestly don't believe in the court system because, my BF has been there so many times and each time it has only been a verbal warning to the child's mother and so, I believe it is because, of this that she takes the court system as a joke.
 

[Jade]

>Hi
>
>Well my boyfriend wants it to be at the local precinct
>because, he states the same thing that it will control her
>from doing anything that she isn't suppose to.  
>I honestly don't believe that it will stop her in anyway
>because, the court hasn't done anything to her that is much of
>an impact to her that will get the message accross to her that
>you have to obey the law.  She thinks the law is a joke is
>what I perceive from her.
>
>The order states that no one is to be present at the public
>place where the pick up and drop off is taking place.  I have
>never gone to the public place with my BF.  My BF has always
>parked his car a block away from the public place. The only
>thing is he makes sure I have a visual of him and that is it.
>
>What I did when she did the first incident in December in the
>presence of her daughter and my daughter.  I went to court and
>scheduled for mediation which she didn't even show up for.
>So, since I did show up for the mediation I did have a one on
>one mediation and I explained to the mediator what has been
>happening that brought me to consider mediation with her.  The
>mediator after listening recommended that if I am accompanying
>my BF to the pick up and drop off that my BF should continue
>to park the car a block away as he has been doing and she also
>recommended that if she acts up as she has been doing to call
>the police and report her.  She told me to keep the reports
>and give them to my boyfriend so, that when he went to court
>he can show the judge what exactly the child's mother has been
>doing.
>I honestly don't believe in the court system because, my BF
>has been there so many times and each time it has only been a
>verbal warning to the child's mother and so, I believe it is
>because, of this that she takes the court system as a joke.
>

If you can see your boyfriend, his ex can see you.  

The court order states that no one else is supposed to be there.  Seems to me that you are part of the problem by insisting on going.  

And, technically, the mother may be able to file contempt of court charges against your boyfriend since he is going against the court order by bringing someone with him (even if you are parked a block away).  

[wysiwyg]

in all actuality the court might take your sentiments of not being there but being a block away as a way to mock the courts original order and could get PO'd enough to make a really harsh order.  Sorry if this offends you, but we have been in he system for 14 years.  Let me give you an example of what I mean, BM did not list BF as the childs father on school records, the court asked BM why not, she said "becasue the form did not ask specifically for father, it says parent/guardian".  She got slapped with mulitple contempts and fined $1,500 for that comment and thinking.

[HzlEyez]

I am sorry I need to state what the order states specifically so, you can understand.

"Pick up and return at Dunkin Donuts.  Friday pick-up curbside at mother's home.  No one to be present except parents at Dunkin Donuts.  Holiday visitation11am-7pm pick up and return curbside at the mother's home.
So, when you state that the mother can file a contempt of court charges against my boyfriend your information is inccorect b/c at no moment does it state that no one could not accompany my BF to the pick up and drop off at the curbside of the mother's home.  The only place that no one can accompany my BF to is the Dunkin Donuts so, me accompanying him and staying a block away is in no way a matter of contempt against my BF.  
Furthermore, my BF has even has inquired to judges and lawyers and they have all agreed that my BF is in no way violating the court order.  Now my BF has told these same individuals how the child's mother is in contempt of the court order b/c she has brought her sister, her mother, her neighbor to the Dunkin Donuts and they have been physically at the Dunkin Donuts.