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Protecting my infant son?

Started by maxwell, Dec 05, 2003, 10:39:38 AM

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I am currently in a joint custody arrangement having won this at the first temporary hearing back in July (in SC). I get my son (now 10 months old) every other week. BM was also ordered to take a Psych exam, drug test, and DSS got involved. I am preparing for a (full custody) final hearing very soon also. My son seems very strong and well-adapted to the situation (BM and I live 90 miles apart) however some things concern me. His Mom, whom I had a short relationship with (she is 29, 3 sons by 3 different men, 3 marriages/divorces -- simply a user of men as is obvious by her actions, criminal history, and past 2 custody battles) has a very disturbing past as I found out from alater investigation. She lost custody of her 13-year old when he was ~1 and only got him back provisionally as his Grandma (custodian) became ill. He has had a rough history being used by his Mom against the Grandma and father -- he has been in counseling, on anti-psycholtic drugs, fights in school (reecntly suspended), is failing in school, etc. The other son, now 4, is also used against his father (who lost the custody battle), and has some behavioural problems, and was recently involved in an incident where another child 'touched' him.
Both boys are rather confused as BM has many different men come in/out of her life very often. (GAL has even "diagnosed" her as a borderline.) Currently she is violating our Order by having her new boyfriend living there while my son is present. This concerns me greatly as my son (as well as her others) is now exposed to yet another adult man.

BM and I have such different values and morals. I am concerned for my son but am not sure how much of an impact this may have on him, and all I can offer him is my love, patience, and nuturance. I try to care for him the best I can -- bought us a new home, feed and cloth him well, and put him on a proper sleep schedule. We are very active in swimming and biking, and the park.  BM appears to have a different approach to child rearing, feeding him inappropriate foods (e.g., soda and candy), keeping him up late at night, etc.

Anyway, sorry to go on, I just simply wanted to know if there is anything else I can do for my son while we are in this temporary arrangment which may last a while longer, to protect him, and make him strong.  I can feel the bond between us -- its obvious he knows me well as he jumps in my arms when I pick him up at the beginning of my week, and his smile warms my heart.  Any advice, suggested readings, etc?  He has become my life, and I suspect is fairly oblivious to what all is transpiring (at least I hope so).


Dr. D

You sound like a very caring parent full of a lot of love to give.  Continue to give it freely! The only thing I can think you might do -- other than continue what you are doing, is to document the boyfriend living arrangement. I am not sure what he is like, and you don't address it.  Sometimes the boyfriend can be the best ali.  Unfortunately, it sounds like you might be in for some mud slinging.  Just let the court know you love your son, and are willing to do whatever it takes to provide a happy, healthy, and safe home.  Sounds like you are doing that.  YOu will be in my thoughts.  Dr. D