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A no win situation... Sorry, LONG.

Started by 1angrystepmom, Jan 21, 2004, 09:19:05 AM

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My SD is currently 16, and is 7mos pregnant.  The child was conceived when SD was 15!  "Daddy" is 18, and was 18 at the time of conception.

SD was here in FL (she resides in CA with her mother, currently) for the Thanksgiving Holidy.  I noticed her attire, and a bit of a belly, for an otherwise thin build.  I flat out asked SD if she was PG, she replied "NO" and that her "friend" was going to take her to get on the pill....

In Sept (mind you, SD was ALREADY pregnant) during mediation, DH concerned about the issues of the 18 year old boyfriend, addressed them to the mediator.  The BM's response, was "It is ok, she goes there, I pick her up from his house"  The mediator in his report said BM was naieve about the BF, and recommended parenting classes, and a minimum of 6 mos counseling for SD.

The Judge ordered the parenting classes, to be completed by 12/31/03 (STILL NOT completed) and ordered that SD undergo counseling.  NO counseling has been set up for SD, to date.

Our suspicion of the pregnancy was confirmed on Sunday.  SD is 7mos pg, had her FIRST OB visit this past friday (1/16)  BM has KNOWN about the PG, for a minimum of a month, failed to notify DH, (will NOT even speak to DH at ALL!)

We ARE going back to court, DH is a stay at home father, and is willing to aide SD in her choice to raise her child.  (we have however recommended adoption, as an option for her) SD undoubtedly will harbor resentment, should she be ordered to move to FL.  Our concern is for the health, and well being of BOTH mother and baby.  I DO understand that the baby's father is in CA, and we in FL, travel and visitation arrangements can and will be arranged.

There is SO much more to the "story" Daddy, is a high school drop out, SD has admitidly used alcohol, and marajuana during her pregnancy.  She is in DIRE need of guidance.

1) What is the best way to prepare ourselves for a child who will be VERY resentful, should the court be inclined to change custody?

2) SHOULD a custody change even be considered in this case??  We HAVE consulted our atty. she advised it could go either way.  This child has already been an "at risk child" (well documented in the courts) and we fear she will continue to be aided in making further poor choices, should her current situation continue.

Thank you for any assistance.

P.S. sorry so long....

Dr. D


Unfortunately, you are dealing with several issues here.  First, you have a child that needed firm guidance before now.....you have two states involved,  an 18 y.o involved with a minor, and a pregnancy.

In many states, a person IS of age to consent to sex at the age of 16 (go figure) and that if he/she engages in such with an 18 y.o. it is a non-issue.   I would STRONGLY suspect that a court in this case, would be most inclined to order the 18 y.o. to help with support of the child, but I Doubt, you will see custody of SD.  

IF you do, be prepared to deal with possible runaway and other resistive behaviors.  This is terribly unfortunate.  It is POSSIBLE however, that your SD will actually want and welcome your assistance.  

You will be in my thoughts AND prayers..... Whatever avenue you choose, try to be supportive of assisting the young couple in breaking negative behaviors from the past.  

Keep me posted.
Dr. D