My daughter just informed me that my son was choked and

[olanna]

pushed up against the wall in one of his SM's outrages...she told him she hated him and wished to hell he would leave.  What was my ex's reaction to the outrage???  Punish my son for upsetting her so much! After all, he must be responsible for what they are feeling, right?

I will never be able to understand why she took her trust money to help my ex find the most high priced lawyer money could buy to get custody of this child. I mean really, if these kids meant so much to him, why did he never even try to see the older two on a regular basis??  Why did he only fight for the one child?  I often wonder how they must feel about all of this...how hurt they must be over it.

And now that they have him...he isn't wanted. It's breaking my heart.

He told his sister that as soon as he is 18, he's packing up and moving back out here with us, as far away from his SM as he can possibly get.  I told him there would always be room at my house...with his favorite hot chocolate and popcorn waiting for him....whenever he feels he needs to come.

What else can I do? This is so very painful.

[Captain Jim]

Her putting money into the fight doesn't surprise me one bit. It's
about the fight to many parents. Nothing  to do with the kids.

As for her choking your child... an adult doesn't just throw a kid against the wall for no reason what-so-ever. Your "innocent" boy may not be as innocent as you're making him out to be.  All the same all you can do is keep a log of what you hear is going on.  Children embellish so it's tough to go by hear-say.  He will have his day to decide soon as he is 18.  Probably much sooner from the way things sound.  Your best bet is to sit back and keep quiet.  If you aren't pushing for custody you may just end up with it.  Why?  Because if they aren't in a position to feel like you win and they lose then they are going to do what is easiest.  Even if that means handing the child over.  Don't make problems and keep your yap shut would be my advice.  Things you say in confidence to friends and neighbors have a way of coming out just when you don't want it to.

[olanna]

Thanks Jim.  I never said he was innocent and I am sure the teen drove her in her anger....she allowed it.  I have two adult children, so I know just how frustrating teenagers can be...

I am irritated at how he becomes responsible for her actions at every turn.  I find this whole scenerio preposterous, as my ex describes his family as being so happy and in love, then confides in the older kids to tell them how much he can't stand his current wife but stays cuz he doesn't want to have to pay child support for his 3 year old or have to give up his work shop that is part of the house.  (and he confides both of these things, happiness and then being stuck from one conversation to the next). I mean, is it all about money for everyone these days?

My experience about saying what was going on tells me to really know someone before you give out details of who you are...hard lesson I learned but it's burned in my mind!

Thanks again...