Had to sleep on this last night...

[MixedBag]

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/08/08/nyregion/08custody.html?ex=1092979075&ei=1&en=0bf82a82bef542c8

And I'm working on a PM to you as well...

[MixedBag]

I have never been "treated" unfairly by members here on this board (except of course when they turned out to be the EX and fake-wife and they were kicked off).

HOWEVER, I also have to admit that 99% of my posts were/are as a step-mother who is supporting her husband.

I would quietly read the boards and if a situation applied to me as a "NCP/Mother" but the father was going through it, I felt like I could say "Hey that's how I feel" -- but I rarely did this.

Even when trying to get Custodial Mothers and Step-mothers to understand what I'm going through, I felt like I was talking to many brick walls.  I would ask them to ASK their husbands how THEY feel -- because that comes closer.  

I draw my experience of being harrassed or whatever you want to call it -- from again encountering my EX and fake-wife (and DH's EX at times).  The answer?  Ignore.

I won't participate based on the notion that my "enemy" reads these boards and why should I let "THEM" know my weakness because they will exploit them?  They already do in terms of using our sons (on both sides) and time.  Yep, DH's EX has with held time and my EX has threatened to.

[willskitten]

>Take a look at what "Kitten" did with "Olanna" in the other
>thread -- I haven't seen a Father get asked over and over
>again about "WHY" he doesn't have custody -- and there you
>have a perfect example of a real difference that an NCP/Mom
>experiences.

Boy, you sure are defensive.  I merely asked Olanna her situation because it IS unusual for a mother to be NCP and I wanted to know what happened (if she was discriminated against, if she felt the evaluator and/or judge was biased, what evidence did her ex have to do what he did etc...etc...) I asked her over and over again because she did not answer my question clearly.  I have also asked NCP fathers the same question!!! " People with nothing to hide, hide nothing."
>
>And kitten, before you ask, NO, I did not give up custody, I
>was blackmailed into my decision.  The military cares about
>your personal life where was my EX's employer doesn't give a
>hoot.  My EX and fake-wife have told everyone that I abandoned
>my son -- and when I get the feeling that I've run into
>someone like that -- In about 20 words or less, I explain what
>really happened -- tell them the truth -- and let them get
>what they deserves after that.  They shouldn't have lied in
>the first place.
>
I never asked you or Olanna if you gave up custody.  Just like I never have asked a NCP father if he gave up custody.  All NCP parents stories are important if we are to make changes for our children!!!  THAT is what this is about, not bruised egos.

[willskitten]

CP/MOM, and a Step-NCP/MOM -5 kids and 2 cats. (not old enough for grandkids yet)

These are my qualifications.

[olanna]

not an opinion...it's an insult.  And it was the very first thing he said to me.  I felt attacked and what I feel is what I feel...

Rest assured had I have said that very same thing to some man on this site, the men would come out IN FORCE to let me know I was wrong...as I have seen so many times in the past.  

So what was I supposed to do??? How do you think I should have responed to his insults?  "oh yes, master gr8, the wise and all knowing..you have all the wisdom and knowledge of all and everything...I'm not worthy..."

Ain't happening...not in my lifetime.  I have as much right to defend myself as anyone here.

[olanna]

why I lost custody...I told you. I ran out of money...you told me it wasn't as simple as that. It actually was as simple as that...

Who's hiding anything? Waylon himslef has been a HUGE help to me during the 5 plus years I have been coming to this site... I don't have to give you every single detail in one post. Just because I am sick and tired of rehashing the shit doesn't make me a liar.

[kiddosmom]

I have only been on SPARC about a year, so I must have missed where he attacked women. He has always been very nice to me, helped if needed. I would have to say that is why I was so shocked.
As to the finese (sp?) part.... ummm not everyone has it.

[MixedBag]

I just searched on "Kitten" and didn't see one thread where you asked a father here over and over again.....like you did with olanna....why he didn't have custody.  And Kitten hasn't been here that long unless you've been here under another name.

No I'm not defensive, I was merely pointing out a recent example where people could go see something that happens to a "Mother without custody" that they could see right now.   There's no such thread on the boards that is recent for a father.

It was all about showing an example.

I too have been challenged as to why I don't have custody and can identify with olanna when it happened to her.

When you asked over and over again instead of accepting her answer, I personally feel you stepped over the line.  

If you really wanted to pursue it, you should have done it privately by using the PM system this board offers.

[olanna]

and then stuck around to get the details as the site grew. I have NEVER asked anyone why they lost custody, cuz frankly, if they are here on this site looking for answers, the chances that they are trying to parent the child without the other parent Passing the shit out of the kid.

Does it really matter why any of us lost custody? No, not really. Be it a man or a woman....doesn't really matter.  The thing I thought we were all supposed to be looking for here is a way to be supportive and how to better deal with the situations we are all in...and to make sure our kids are OK and they know we love them.

You can't move forward if you keep looking back all the time.

[olanna]

or are the you a wife to an NCP dad?  In what ways did gr8 help you?