Had to sleep on this last night...

[MixedBag]

and I didn't get much rest -- yep, a bit upset at reading the thread below.

G8dad had an uphill battle to remain part of his children's lives and has been here for quite a while.

Olanna too has been around here for quite sometime -- like since the beginning of time for this board -- and I guess that's the basic reason I was "shocked" to read G8dad's subject line that started with "Sorry, you need help" followed by what I consider a sarcastic apology.

I too have been here since the "beginning of time" and I have said before that as an NCP Mother -- I never felt like I fit on a board or part of a board totally.

Butterfly, Gecko, and TM -- said it quite well below in their posts....

And I still don't feel like on many boards I "fit" as an NCP Mom....  I was just reading something again yesterday that said there are 15 million NCP Dads, but there are also 3 million NCP moms.  Maybe later today, I'll go find the link to the newspaper article and post it --don't have time right now.

Take a look at what "Kitten" did with "Olanna" in the other thread -- I haven't seen a Father get asked over and over again about "WHY" he doesn't have custody -- and there you have a perfect example of a real difference that an NCP/Mom experiences.

Another title -- which could be considered more appropriate -- was also discussed -- and I have to disagree and wish to share my personal experience as to why.

On another board (divorcesource), there is a "Mother's" board along with lots of others.  Well, as many here know, my EX's fake-wife followed me to this board and also posted to me at two other boards (divorcenet and divorcesource and I could add more since then).  Our interactions were mainly on the "Mother's" board and at one point I told her that she didn't belong there......and of course, she disagreed.

I couldn't get her to understand that SHE is not the mother to my son, I am.  And that if she had issues concerning my son (and me) that it comes from (at most) the (fake) STEP-MOTHER's point of view -- and there was another board for that.

She said "But I'm a mother too (she has other children) and therefore I belong here."

I said "Yes, you're a mother, BUT the father to your two older children killed himself -- you didn't divorce him, so you never had to co-parent with someone where they are concerned, particularly with someone whom you've divorced.  The father to your daughter was cut out of her life until she turned 6 when you finally TOLD the father that he was a daddy -- and by then you two were living together.  The father to your son was born after you moved in.  So none of your situations are as a CP/Mom....due to a divorce."

Of course, she disagreed.

I've also ran across the "You must have done SOMETHING to loose custody" from the Principal of my son's school.  She even went as far as to say "You abandoned him" -- which is just parroting my EX and his fake-wife -- namely fake-wife.  Now, how many father's have been told they "abandoned" their child?  NCP status is accepted for fathers.  Not that I agree with that totally, and one at a time, this board helps improve life for the kids which includes keeping FATHER's as part of the children's lives.

Unfortunately, I won't participate even on this board because my EX and his fake-wife are still reading and printing off everything I post on these boards.  Then it gets passed on to DH's EX......and both of our boys suffer.  

And kitten, before you ask, NO, I did not give up custody, I was blackmailed into my decision.  The military cares about your personal life where was my EX's employer doesn't give a hoot.  My EX and fake-wife have told everyone that I abandoned my son -- and when I get the feeling that I've run into someone like that -- In about 20 words or less, I explain what really happened -- tell them the truth -- and let them get what they deserves after that.  They shouldn't have lied in the first place.

That doesn't mean I'm done learning.....

Every once in a while, I meet another NCP Mom.....so we're out here, and I commend this site for creating this board.  Many of our challenges ARE the same, but there are still differences.

[olanna]

and I actually complained about some of the treatment here, but it did no good. I was told it was a difference of opinion and in all reality, it was not. It was a condescending, insulting attitude coupled with questions that almost blatently called me a liar when I answered each question!

I know for a fact and I have seen it happen before so many times on this site, if a man had of been treated in the same fashion I was, mods would have stepped in very quickly to sway the conversation and remind all of us what this site is really all about, what is best for the kids. (One mod actually did say that, but I didn't see too much in the way of swaying the conversation...actually it was more the opposite).

I was hoping that Dr. Jen was going to be available here to actually discuss some of these things, but she hasn't made a post since July 27th, so I guess she isn't really going to be a regular here.

The MWC board looks good and obviously could be a wonderful place of support and information.  It's going to be interesting to watch it and see what actually happens here.  

I'm sorry you won't be participating here anymore.  I'm going to wait and see if this board actually takes off before I make any decisions.

[Gecko]

[em][font color=green]I too have been here since the "beginning of time" and I have said before that as an NCP Mother -- I never felt like I fit on a board or part of a board totally. [/em][/font]

I can't say I've been hear since the "beginning of time", but I was here for about a year a few years back, but quit because I didn't "belong" because even though I was/am a NCP, I was/am still a woman.  Pretty much the ONLY women welcomed to this board were women married to NC fathers.

[em][font color=green]And I still don't feel like on many boards I "fit" as an NCP Mom.... I was just reading something again yesterday that said there are 15 million NCP Dads, but there are also 3 million NCP moms. Maybe later today, I'll go find the link to the newspaper article and post it --don't have time right now. [/em][/font]

I can relate to this.  I tried a couple of NCM groups on Yahoo, but they were just as bad as the worst FRG (father's rights group).  Filled with hatred and bitterness, wanting laws to eliminate fathers from the children's lives with the exception of their money (of course).  Sure I'm not happy, but I would nor more want to eliminate the father of my children, than I want to be eliminated myself.

[em][font color=green]Another title -- which could be considered more appropriate -- was also discussed -- and I have to disagree and wish to share my personal experience as to why. [/em][/font]

I hear where you are coming from, but where does SHE go to post?  Since she isn't married to the father, she isn't a "step-mom" and if she is involved in a long-term relationship, she is more that just a casual "girlfriend".

[em][font color=green]Every once in a while, I meet another NCP Mom.....so we're out here, and I commend this site for creating this board. Many of our challenges ARE the same, but there are still differences. [/em][/font]

Yes, many of our challenges are the same in that we are NCPs, but we are also faced with challenges provided by society and they are ones that NC fathers will never face.

[Gecko]

[em][font color=green]Your post is right on the money and I actually complained about some of the treatment here, but it did no good. I was told it was a difference of opinion and in all reality, it was not. It was a condescending, insulting attitude coupled with questions that almost blatently called me a liar when I answered each question![/em][/font]

I ran into a lot of that which is why I quit posting.  Nobody wanted to hear, much less admit, that mothers were facing the same bias in the courts as fathers and therefore, the arguement of gender bias was no longer as issue.  

Fortunately I found a NCP site, that while it took a little while, recgonizes that the NCP issue is not gender related.

[em][font color=green]I was hoping that Dr. Jen was going to be available here to actually discuss some of these things, but she hasn't made a post since July 27th, so I guess she isn't really going to be a regular here.[/em][/font]

I had an email and believe that she is on vacation.

[olanna]

Why not share that site with the rest of us that actually want support and advice, instead of insults?  Feel free to email me; I would simply love to find a place that doesn't have a clique of people with an ax to grind because I have a vagina instead of a penis...

;)

I am:

[email protected]

[kiddosmom]

I have stayed out of the postings on this site. I wanted to see which way the 'wind blew'.
I am frankly shocked at what I have just read. Yes this is a mother's without custody board, so that means no male with an opinion has a right to post it?
I read g8dads post and saw it for what it was, an opinion. Frankly the wemon here have shown me that I do not want to participate on this board.
As soon as an opinion was made, it was not debated. What it was was attacked. How many of us have posted on the fathers board? Givin our opinion on things? Were we attacked for giving that opinion? NO.

YES being an NCP parent is different for males and females. YES we might need a board to talk over things we face that is different. NO noone should be attacked for stating an opinion.

I am sure there is more I can add but right now I am so flabergasted that I cannot think of them.

[kiddosmom]

Actually I did think of one thing, someone said on the post below...

If you don't like the idea of the board, just don't click on it... (do not remember who wrote it)

Please take your own advise and do not click on a post written by someone you do not wish to see an opinion from.

[Gecko]

The name of the site is Custody Reform and is located at http://www.custodyreform.com/

CR started out as a non-custodial father's site, but has evolved over the last several years into a wonderful site that welcomes all custodial arrangements.

You're not going to find any "cliques", but be prepared to have a mirror held up to your face.  While we are very honest about our opinions and there have been some minor personality skirmishes, we pretty much keep it on an adult level.

"Caring Dad", who is the owner of the site has done a really good job in putting the site together.  I would recommend reading over the FAQ section first.

[Gecko]

[em][font color=green]I am frankly shocked at what I have just read. Yes this is a mother's without custody board, so that means no male with an opinion has a right to post it?[/em][/font]

I guess I must be missing something, but what is so shocking?  I personally didn't say that men could not post and I don't think the original poster said that either.

Yes, Gr8Dad IS entitled to his opinion, but personally I think he could have used a little more finese (sp).  Unfortunately, he DOES have a reputation for attacking women because of his own personal situation and it is only natural that some would contrue what he had to say as an attack.

[Gecko]

I would be interested in that article when you have a chance.