My brain is in overload mode....HELP!

[stk_agn]

Ever experience extreme confusion? It's happened to me! ;)

My court date is 8 days away, I have an appointment with my attorney this afternoon, and I have absolutley no idea what I should ask her. I don't know what is relevant and what isn't.

Does anyone have any tips on questions that need to be asked and what preparations I need to make before next week? (Custody hearing is Sept 15th)

I have gone over everything in my head so many times that I can't remember anything. I have it written down, but right now it just looks like a big ball of jumbled words.

(Needless to say I am extremely nervous about all this.)

 I've been to court before over my children, but there was never this much at stake when it came to my childs/childrens future and well-being.

I will gladly acept any and all advice, suggestions, tips, pointers, and opinions without attacking or judging anyone.

I come here for advice and support not to pick fights, insult, degrade or upset people. I only care about my children and their future.

Thank you in advance for your input.

[Gecko]

[em][font color=green]Does anyone have any tips on questions that need to be asked and what preparations I need to make before next week? [/em][/font]

Kind of difficult to give suggestions when one doesn't know the issues.

[FLMom]

Oh do I understand what you're saying completely.
Just keep telling yourself that this is not about you
or your ex---it's about what's best for your kids and
what you're doing is speaking up in their behalf. If
you think about it as doing your best to not let them
down you can only come out ahead.

Don't picture it as the big ugliness and live it in your
head between now and then. Breathe. It's OK to walk
away from it all for thirty minutes and clear your head.
Sometimes that can help the best. Take care of yourself.
You have to be strong but that doesn't mean carrying
the weight of the whole world on your shoulders.

Take this time to take this jumble of stuff (been there)
and put it into separate files. Go to Kinko's. Mark each
file clearly. Practice flipping through it so if something
comes up in court you can whip it out quickly. Believe it
or not, sometimes just pulling out records can make the
other party see you in a different light. You have something
to show for what you are saying! The other party may not
be that savvy.

Read over the archives of this site. In my court case they
were almost all meaningful in some way. I took what I
needed from here and there. Keep a notebook handy by
the computer or wherever you are researching and use this
numbered list as your questions to your atty. Ask your atty
if maybe a day or two before the hearing he/she can do a
"mock trial". This way it's all fresh in your memory and you
will know what's going to come at you.

Another suggestion I have, if you haven't already heard it on
this site, is to shoot for the moon. You won't actually get the
moon, but your kids will end up with better than they have now.

In my court experience over the summer, I asked for primary
custody because my OD had said she wanted to live with us.
A year of court delays gave her father time to manipulate her
plenty, but when she did speak she said she wanted equal time
with both of us. That was just the beginning. Her father retained
primary, but due to those many file folders (I joked to my atty
that I could throw a few more his way if I hadn't included
enough) what my ex DIDN'T get was 10K he claimed I owed
him in arrearages (that year allowed me to document everything
I did for our kids), he didn't get to only allow me minimal visits
(I was able to show how involved I was in our kids lives), and
he didn't get to make up the rules anymore. It was rough, but
now it's all carved in stone.

One more thing to add. You are allowed to disagree with your
atty. Mine wanted to play softball, and I steadfastly refused.
The judge gave us some time at the beginning of the hearing
to see what we could work out. If you get this chance stand up
for what's best for your kids. Your atty won't be living your life
for the next umpteen years you will be dealing with this court
order. Don't let your ex's atty spook you. Keep in mind that
there are always things that your ex hasn't told him. That
turned out to be the undoing for my ex.

Sorry, long winded. Hope this helps. If you need anything more
specific please let me know.

[stk_agn]

I guess I just assumed that everybody knew my situation. (I told you my brain was in overload mode,,,LOL)

I know that many of you are thinking that I am fighting the bio dad but I'm not it is my own mother.

Actually, I WISH I was fighting the bio dad because it would seem so much easier. (he hasn't been in my daughter's life in (ummm let's see).......NEVER..... by his own choice) and she is 8 yrs old.

In short, the situation is,,

I let my mother take care of my daughter (because of the worst financial difficulties you can imagine) and now she won't let me have her back. She is brainwashing my daughter, denying me time with her (even after the judge told her to encourage and allow extra visitation) and she is trying to "buy" my daughter with expensive items and trips to Florida.

Can you compete with things like that? (actually you can but it is difficult. I do tell my daughter all the time that I love her but it doesn't seem like it is enough.)

Again I'm sorry for not being more specific on what I was asking for.

 

[stk_agn]

**Just keep telling yourself that this is not about you
or your ex---it's about what's best for your kids**

It is actually MY mother that I am fighting in court. And to her, it is "ALL ABOUT HER" and not what is best for my daughter. My mother  found out that if she kept my daughter she could get CS from not just the bio dad but from me as well. That is when she became interested in getting custody of my child.

**It's OK to walk away from it all for thirty minutes and clear your head**

I tried that but it followed me,,,LOL     it even shows up in my dreams. (It's that bad)

**You have to be strong but that doesn't mean carrying the weight of the whole world on your shoulders.**

Isn't it a mother's "job" to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders? (Oh, sorry that is what my mother led me to believe when I was growing up. Man she was a great mom,, x()

As far as keeping records,,, I have introduced the PTT to my attorney and she loves it,, she said that she wished everyone involved in custody cases were as organized as I am when it comes to keeping up with records.  (Had to brag  on the SPARC sitea little bit)

 **(I joked to my atty that I could throw a few more his way if I hadn't included enough)**

I had pages upon pages of information for my attorney and she asked me to cut it down a few pages. She said it was too much irrelevant information. (Thought I could get everything my mother has ever done wrong, as far as my child was concerned, brought up. But attny said no.)

**You are allowed to disagree with your atty.**

My attny said that if the judge (actually the DRC) does not give me custody back that we couldn't appeal because she has never seen a judge overturn a Domestic Relations Commissioner's decision. We told her that we would hire another attny and appeal anyway if she didn't do it for us. So she knows that I'm not going to just sit back and let my mother win.

My mother's attny couldn't spook a ghost. He is the type of lawyer that goes into the courtroom and shows his butt and picks fights with the judge if he doesn't get his way. (In the words of a secretary that has seen him in action, "His lawyer skills in a courtroom suck."

I really appreciate all of your advice, it helps tremendously.