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[MixedBag]

My son is learning that lesson too -- "Don't worry, mom took care of it."

He knows that he can count on me.....and so does your daughter.

[backwardsbike]

You guys... eer girls are so lucky.  My kids used to say "Mom took care of it"  now they have been through so much PAS that they don't want mom to take care of anything.  When I do take care of things ( because custodial dad and step-mom don't) my kids become angry.  How do you deal with it?  How do you maintain the bond?

I lost custody four years ago.  My ex decided after having joint custody (50-50) with me doing all daycare, sick days snow days etc for one year and ten months that he thinks my DH is a danger to the kids.  DH has a long arrest record for terroristic threats and assault.   BD knew of this prior to kids ever being in DH company. However DH has been out of trouble with the law for 5 years and was diagnosed Bi-Polar and is now on meds and in therapy and sober.  He did all the child care for our own two children( son 6 daughter 2) for three years while I worked without ever having a problem.  He has a child clearance and he passed an evaluation with a psychologist that enabled him to do child care for the kids from first marriage( son 15 daughter 12).  Afer the report came back in his favor the PAS got really bad.  I requested and received a custody eval this past Summer.  Kids started out telling evlauator they were afraid of DH.  Home study done.  Evaluator found no evidence that the kids were afraid of DH.  Yet evaluator did not think that the kids were alienated.  They never call me when they aren't in my cusody, I never get a card or gift for my birthday or Christmas.  When I accompany them to a doctor's appointment when they are with dad or SM they act as if they don't know me.  I had email documentation of where dad refused me one extra night with the kids because my dad was having surgery and in order to stay with him after theoperation I had to give up my time with them or not stay with my father.  If he had gratned my request ofr one night extra I could have taken them to their grandfather's home and we could have had our visit and they could have been with GF for a short time after the surgery.  Instead I had to come right back after my dad was out of the recovery room and hire a paid nurse to help my dad so I wouldn't miss my visit.  BD had no other reason for the denial than " It isn't your court ordered time"  That was in March.  In June he schedules a trip telling the court it is a family vacation booked months in advance and will last ten days.  it is MY first week of Summer but the Judge lets him take the kids.  I get compensated.  I got two lousy days with my daughter the next week.  Son was at scout camp.  LOL

Now kids are very standoffish.  When they open up it is to say that they are very "confused".  Son lost 7.5# in seven weeks in SEPT/OCT without trying, sleeps in class misses homework and bombs tests.  He admits staying up all night, not eating breakfast, only eating a school lunch and they seem to have sandwhiches for dinner every night.  Last year he was a model student at a different school.  He attended a Charter school in my town where I could stop in and see him and all his friends for lunch several days a week.  Charter School ended at grade 8 now he is in the worst school in the county ( according to the standardized test scores).  This new school is on the warning list for the second year in a row due to No Child Left Behind.  The school in my district in number 9 in the NATION.  The children's education is one of my top priorities but all dad wants is to keep the kids in his district.  It's all about keeping custody and keeping the kids away from me.  Oh but there's no alienation going on here.  How on earth do you ever prove this stuff?

My DH had a bad life up until about seven years ago.  Now he is older wiser and much more stable.  Don't the courts ever forgive anyone?  

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

PAS, IMHO, is impossible to prove.

I also feel custody is all about money. Or should I say, who can buy the most.

The bond with my daughter exists because my X MAKES it exist. My girl has never for one minute felt loved in that house. Yes, we have our share of ups and downs. She knows how to push my buttons. I also believe she does it because she knows that I am the only one who truly cares, who truly loves her, and she knows she will get a reaction from me. I think she needs that emotion...in contrast to..."go to your room" that she receives at dad's house.

Does that mean that I don't get upset at her actions? YES I get very upset with her at times!

Even after recommendation from the court moderator that the kids stay with me, he got them. It goes back to, who had more money. Who had lies to tell, and who didn't.

Your DH's past is, unfortunately...a strike against you. I had 5 YEARS of being the only parent. I've chosen to remain single. My trouble began when he remarried. There's no way in the courts eye that I can provide a decent home compared to THAT. Funny...it was good enough for 5 years.

What am I doing now? DOCUMENT! DOCUMENT! DOCUMENT!

Stay tuned for the events of tonite!!!