Hi I'm new here and need help!!!i

[olanna]

Are you getting reasonable visitation?  I really wouldn't expect that your ex would just hand her over to you.  You can't expect that really, now can you?  I would follow his request and go to court and make everything legal. Start slow.

And another thing...you should be supporting your child. Guideline child support is what most of us pay, regardless of which parent makes the most money.

So, what is it that you want out of all of this?

[Sherry1]

sound unfair you need to change your mindset that it is only his salary and your salary that will be taken into consideration.  Daycare and CS will be split evenly based upon the incomes.  You will probably have to pay for a portion of daycare and he will also.

[ksmomof2girls]

Since you said you have joint legal and physical custody, and pretty much 50/50 parenting time, I would assume that he would have to pay you c.s.  I could be wrong.  It all depends on the state you live in.

Also, it is anywhere stated that he is the primary residence for your dd?

If not, then I could be correct.  Just need to know what state you are in.

[Kali]

We are in Michigan specifically Wayne county.  I just called them today and they have no record of our case or anything.  HOW can they loose a whole file and case?????

[Kali]

I'm sorry if I take this wrong as I feel defensive as it is but you seem condensending in your first paragraph.  I apologize if I'm wrong.

I don't get visitation we have JOINT legal and physical custody.  He happens to have her a bit more than I do.  

However he is only paying $30/week for daycare in my care I pay $125/week for daycare as I need fulltime care and he only needs part time care because of school.  If you mulitply the weeks he pays then divide it by 12 and multiply the weeks I pay and divide it by 12 I'M the one paying more.  I also help buy her school clothes AND I pay for scouts and catechism among TONS of other things, for example she had a science fair project to do this weekend I spent $50 on I asked him for ONE product he had at his house to complete the project he forgot it then refused to help pay for any of the project.  I'm not sure why he says I don't support her I do and have the documentation to back it up.  He wants all this to continue PLUS get support.  I DON'T think so.  If that's what he wants he can pay half of all the costs I pay.  I mean isn't that how it works in joint situations?   So I DO support my child I'm sorry you didn't get that impression.  I don't think he should do all the supporting just because he makes more but I have a roof to put over our heads too, not just him, he's the one buying a brand new house, he's the one buying a brand new truck.  While I struggle and still do my share of supporting.  I'm not responsible to help pay his bills now am I?

At any rate if he wins this (and he's only doing this to be vindictive NOT for our daughter) then dd looses because I will have to work a 2nd job which means I can't be a Girl Scout leader for her troop NOR participate in the activities, I CAN'T take her to catechism which she LOVES.  AND I'll have to move again which she really doesn't want into my mothers home and we'll have to share a bedroom again I just got onto my feet finicially enough to support the two of us.  If I don't get the 2nd job I'll have to give up my full parenting time in the summer because I won't be able to afford daycare.  Shouldn't he be responsible for 1/2 of summer care too then?  I mean how unfair that I should have to pay him and him not me for the care of our daughter.

[Kali]

I realize only his income matters but he still makes over double what I make.  I included the fiancee's salary in my post mostly as a vent because he has 1/2 the household bills I do.  Their arrangement is she pays ALL the bills he pays the mortgage.  Here in my apartment I pay EVERYTHING on my own so it kind of sucks ya know?  Just a vent really I know I can't bring that up in court.

Also do you think the judge will take into consideration the fact that he has less household bills?

[wendl]

Kali,

I am a cp mom who rarely gets cs. In my state they base the income on both parents and then the parent with the higher income gets the higher cs, so basically since I made 3x what my ex did he was ordered to pay $160 a month which I don't see. He has no bills as he lives with his sister and her family, it sucks.

We do what we have to do in order to survive, its hard.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[olanna]

You say he has two incomes and they total $50K.  Is he working two jobs?

[Troubledmom]

Here is child support claculator for your state. It should give you an idea of what the support award is going to be.

http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/Childsupport/michigan/

Unfortunatly the child support laws are different among different states. In my state (California) they take into consideration the amount of time the child spends between the two homes, it uses both parents incomes to determine support orders, and in some cases it can use the new spouses income.

Generally monies spent on a child before a child support award is made are considered gifts.

DO NOT get a second job. If you get a second job and spend less time with your child you will most likely be drug back to court to pay MORE child support as your income has greatly increased and the time share with the child has decreased (fair~ NOPE but happens everyday to Non Custodial Parents~ most often fathers).

Good Luck with this, it is going to be a long battle.

TM

[butterflymackey]

Hi Kali,

I am a NCM too. Havent had my daughter for 4 years now.

I am sorry to hear about your ordeal. I dont know alot of legal advise but let me tell you what I have learned since I lost custody.

1. Take a breath!
I know the sense of panic and helplessness that overwhelms you when you are faced with being denied your child. Believe me I KNOW. But the good thing is, you have alot of resources right here. I would give anything to have known when I lost my daughter what I know now, because it would not have happened. In my opinion it is easier to get the first order right, and harder to get things changed. So it might actually be a good thing that they dont have records of the first plan.

2. Read, read, read, everything involving state laws in your area. Look at some of the resources on this site like parenting plans, what you should and shouldnt do and before you go to court info. You have an advantage being in the same state as your child. Like I said I dont know the laws in your state, but I do know that you should keep records of everything. Visitations that have taken place, money you have spent, denied visitations, etc. You can go into court with strong backup it will show the judge that you care and are serious, so that when ex says "I took care of this child by myself", you wont have to search so hard to defend yourself. And you will have to defend yourself. You dont have to have an attorney for that. Most states have forms available to fill out on your own. Although still expensive, look into Paralegals to help you fill out and file what you need. And if you havent already check to see if there are legal aid programs where you live that you may qualify for.

3. Stop thinking about what he has vs. what you have. That will drive you insane. I stayed home with my daughter and worked PT so that he could complete school. Now I struggle to keep a float. I'm 27 and still trying to finish school. I know it sucks and everytime you pick up your kid or he drops her off you will see all his neat toys that you dont have. Even after a court order for CS is in place he may still try to criticize you. Hate it but move on. Let it motivate you to do better for yourself. You cant get into that feel sorry for me state of mind, no matter what.

4. I don't want to sound rude but child support is an obligation even if you make minimum wage, heck it is even if you are unemployed. You will experience alot of stereotyping if you do have to pay so beware. You will probably get the "loser who has to pay child support so that must mean they are a deadbeat parent" stamp on your forehead, but who cares what others think. I sit next to the lady that processes my CS check to my ex every payday, and we joke about it. You will get used to it and that money will become non existent. My ex makes 65K and I make 23K. I know what you are talking about. My state CS calculator seems pretty fair.  They base it on what he makes vs what I make, throw in visitation, tax claim, medical ins, other children supported, daycare and more as they get older. Even if you have 50/50 custody they will still run the calculator. You never know, you may not have to pay very much at all. But guess what, until she is 18 you will both have to do the CS calculator. If you end up paying any financial change that  will change the calculations 15-25% (depending on state law) can change the amount of CS.  Also you might want to consider stopping buying her clothes and other things. I dont mean to sound cold, but that's what you pay child support for. If you feel compelled to buy those things, limit yourself and keep them at your house. I only have one child too. It's hard when you see all the cute little girl things. I know it is. But I buy her clothes, toys or anything they get left here or thrown away if she takes them home. Someone suggested buying savings bonds if I want to buy her something special and I think it's a great idea.

Kali, I hope I dont come off as sounding too judgemental because I'm sure there are a ton of things I dont know about you and please believe me that's not my intention. AND I wish I could tell you that things will get easier, but read my posts and you will see what other issues can arise. Just remember when to bite your tongue, because everything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law x( , don't say things like the staying in a very small room at grandma's thing. Dont give him something else to hold against you or throw at you in court. Best of luck to you. I hope for your child's sake that you get fair CS and visitation orders.