I can't afford to see my children?!?!?!

[Ratchet]

I need help. (This is in Illinois by the way)

My wife and I have been sharing custody of our two daughters during our seperation. I've had them about 72-hours per week, and she's had them about 96-hours per week, each of us would split any major costs associated with our kids. Keep in mind also that my kids sleep at my house 4-nights per week. This morning, we went to court. The judge awarded joint-custody, but awarded residential custody AND 28% of my pay to my ex. Now, I can't afford a place to live, and I'm going to have to get a second job just to be able to "get by." This also means that I'm going to have to give up time with my kids, due to having to work more. Is this right? My kids don't need one parent, and 28% of the others pay... they need us both. Is there anything that I can do? I want to be a part of my kids lives, and the state is making that very hard....

[Inneedofhelp]

I feel for ya man, really do. been paying for my boys now for a few years, then the state comes along after 14 years and lays another child at my feet.. check out my thread, SCED out of control... it'll make you at least glad your not me...

[purrrfectgirl]

A lot depends on how your ex feels about this change in circumstances.  If she thinks it is bad/unfair, then the two of you can sit down and work a CS and custody schedule that is a little more reasonable.  If she doesn't want to work with you, then unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it.  The family court system cares about nothing but the collection of CS and keeping themselves employed.  They really don't care about the best interest of the children (as much as they like to say they do).  Best of luck to you.

[Ratchet]

Can we agree on a set amount of support? I was under the impression that the state says "28% or go to jail."

I can't believe this. I don't have a problem with giving money for my kids, but when it prevents me from seeing them, being able to survive, and being able to provide for them when they are with me just does NOT SEEM RIGHT!!!!

[sweetnsad]

I feel for you...and I'm not familiar with the state laws regarding CS and such because we live in Canada..but, my fiance pays $212.00 per week to his ex for his three kids and there isn't a damn thing we can do about it...we also have two kids together and believe me..they go without!  

It isn't fair, you are right...the laws suck and I think they are ridiculous...his ex lives two hours away with the kids (her choice)and now he can only see them once a month because we simply cannot afford anymore...she doesn't have to do a thing to help them see their father (drive halfway, etc...)..so we incur every expense.  

So, in order for us to survive and give our kids (two together and one mine from a previous marriage) a half decent life, we give up time with his kids...it isn't fair, but we can't survive any other way.

Good luck...my heart goes out to you.

[KAT]

You can agree on an amount & submit it to the courts for the judges signature (at which time it becomes a court order). There are free copies of Parenting Plans available. They really do help spell out alot of different circumstances that aren't included in your basic court orders. Do search of this site. Hopefully she will agree...if not, you can always appeal, but you have to be quick, some states have really short time limits.
The system is just to antiquated.
KAT

[purrrfectgirl]

Ohio has a 30 day appeal policy.

And yes, you can set it.  The courts/CSEA don't like to tell you that.  because if you agree to less, then their 2% is less and they can't get as big of a cut as if you pay a higher amount.  If she agrees it's something you and she can go without an attorney.  And as KAT said, you can stipulate a lot of other expenses and things that aren't included in your current order.  Usually if you file it, the judge will sign any order (they rarely read what they sign), and then it's law.  You'll have to do a little wrangling with the CSEA to get it adjusted (start by walking it down and handing it to them so they can't calim it never made it - as they love to do when CS is getting lowered).  But yeah, you can set your own thing if you and your ex agree.

[Ratchet]

Thank you all for the replies. I'm hoping that either I can get it lowered, or convince my wife to mail it back to me every month so that I can still see my girls as much. This is killing me. How is this justice? This should be changed. I'm sure there are a ton of fathers out there who don't deserve this kind of treatment. We go broke trying to survive, and then get labeled a deadbeat dad because we can't see our kids, or can't afford to live. This is crazy...

[momo]

i feel for you, my brother is in the same situation.  he went back to have cs modified, and his own lawyer who had before said yes, it needs to be lowered, basically laughed in his face after the money was in her hand and we were in court.  she said you better be quiet about it because if the judge reviews it, he will raise it.  keep in mind he pays 700.00/month for one child.  he works construction and you know how that goes during the winter months, not much work at all.  hes trying to get a place of his own, pay his bills, pay her bills left from the marriage and still take care of his child when he has visitation.  when his lawyer told him it wouldnt get lowered, he said "im just going to quit my job and go to work at walmart, then they will have to lower it".  lawyer said no, not if you voluntarily quit.  a few weeks ago, he only got in one days work due to rain-outs.  guess what his check was for?  10.00.  yep, 190.00 of it went to her, and he isnt in arrears.  and he also didnt get his tax refund, they kept it just in case.  so its a no win situation.  good money to try to do good for yourself and child (and end up supporting your ex) or bad job and not being able to make ends meet?  who knows what to do.  this whole custody/support issue is so screwed up it would take forever to fix.  good luck in whatever you can do to see your baby AND take care of her.