Is this a fair statement re: child support

[Bolivar OH]

>>Locate a fathers rights group in your area and attend the meetings.

I am near CANTON, OHIO.  Can you point me in the direction to fathers rights group meeting(s)?

I have done searches on the web, but have come up with nothing in my area.

Your help would be greatly appreciated.

[katz]

I certainly did not mean to start such a heated debate, and I apologize for not comming back to this site sooner. My son has been extremely ill, but I think he is finally on the road to recovery.

I think I am trying to rationalize in my mind, why my husband feels it is ok to go on without any child support.  My sd is a very expensive child, from major dental on baby teeth (argh), to hearing aids, and councelling. She is a handfull to say the least, and has ADHD and is autistic.

There are days that I feel my husband has effectively "bought" his rights to be the custodial parent, by not forceing the cs issue. Or maybe it is a pride thing for him.

We dont necessarily NEED the money, yet my sd's savings account isnt going up near as much as I would like to see it go up. IF dh ever did get child support, it would go into that savings account to hopefully give my sd a jump start into the adult world that is not geared for her dissabilities. There are many things she will need as an adult, that are not the "norm". TTY (telephones for hearing impaired), special lights for alarms, and just a guess here, but I think she will need continued councelling, speach and language therapy etc into adult hood.

We are not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but we do manage to meet her needs, using both my income and my dh's. Unfortunately that means that sometimes my son's needs (no dissabilities) are pushed aside for later. An example would be he does not have a savings account at this time, yet we would like to be able to contribute to both kids start in adult hood. Another example is we couldnt afford to get him a "big boy bed" when it was time (he was climbing out of his crib), because at that precise time my sd lost her hearing aids (which are 2,500.00).

Of course it bothers me that sometimes my son's needs arent met precisely at the time he needs them, but I love my sd and know that her needs (especially hearing aids) take a priority most of the time.

Anyway again I apologize for my delay in elaborating on my statement, and for the heated debate I caused. Thank you for reading and responding.

[katz]

I certainly did not mean to start such a heated debate, and I apologize for not comming back to this site sooner. My son has been extremely ill, but I think he is finally on the road to recovery.

I think I am trying to rationalize in my mind, why my husband feels it is ok to go on without any child support.  My sd is a very expensive child, from major dental on baby teeth (argh), to hearing aids, and councelling. She is a handfull to say the least, and has ADHD and is autistic.

There are days that I feel my husband has effectively "bought" his rights to be the custodial parent, by not forceing the cs issue. Or maybe it is a pride thing for him.

We dont necessarily NEED the money, yet my sd's savings account isnt going up near as much as I would like to see it go up. IF dh ever did get child support, it would go into that savings account to hopefully give my sd a jump start into the adult world that is not geared for her dissabilities. There are many things she will need as an adult, that are not the "norm". TTY (telephones for hearing impaired), special lights for alarms, and just a guess here, but I think she will need continued councelling, speach and language therapy etc into adult hood.

We are not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but we do manage to meet her needs, using both my income and my dh's. Unfortunately that means that sometimes my son's needs (no dissabilities) are pushed aside for later. An example would be he does not have a savings account at this time, yet we would like to be able to contribute to both kids start in adult hood. Another example is we couldnt afford to get him a "big boy bed" when it was time (he was climbing out of his crib), because at that precise time my sd lost her hearing aids (which are 2,500.00).

Of course it bothers me that sometimes my son's needs arent met precisely at the time he needs them, but I love my sd and know that her needs (especially hearing aids) take a priority most of the time.

Anyway again I apologize for my delay in elaborating on my statement, and for the heated debate I caused. Thank you for reading and responding.

[katz]

Apparently my husband is a cp who asks for nothing from ex :) . Although I KNOW if shoe were on the other foot, you can bet hubby's ex would not do it without cs.

[Peanutsdad]

katz,

You certainly inspired a lively debate. Thanx !!! ;)


Most fathers with custody it seems DONT recieve cs. When my older childrens mom and I divorced, that was the case. I had custody, and asked for no cs order. We were amicable thru the process.


Peanuts mom on the other hand has been a royal toot the entire time and filed for cs WHILE WE WERE STILL LIVING TOGETHER. Man,, THAT got my goat.


The courts here have changed,, they will NOT allow a custody case to go thru without a cs order. Period.

[wendl]

well I am on both sides,

I am a mom who does not get cs, my ex has never helped me raise my son, he rarely sees my son etc etc. Therefore a cs in place is a good thing. My ex was ordered to pay $25 a mont and didn't he is now suppose to pay $160 a month and doesn't. He has never helped pay for daycare, he has never paid or helped with medical, (my sons meds are $60 a month which is the copay on my dhs ins).

Now on the other hand, my dh pays his cs without fail (though his ex will say he doesn't) By looking at what my stepkids wear, you would think there father doesn't pay support, my dh also pays medical for them as well.

Unforntunatleysome (men and woman) who are suppose to pay don't and therefore we need a system to enforce it. For the ones that do pay, I feel the guidelines for the amount of cs to be paid be calculated fairly.so the ncp (and new family if one) can actually survive.

[wendl]

well I am on both sides,

I am a mom who does not get cs, my ex has never helped me raise my son, he rarely sees my son etc etc. Therefore a cs in place is a good thing. My ex was ordered to pay $25 a mont and didn't he is now suppose to pay $160 a month and doesn't. He has never helped pay for daycare, he has never paid or helped with medical, (my sons meds are $60 a month which is the copay on my dhs ins).

Now on the other hand, my dh pays his cs without fail (though his ex will say he doesn't) By looking at what my stepkids wear, you would think there father doesn't pay support, my dh also pays medical for them as well.

Unforntunatleysome (men and woman) who are suppose to pay don't and therefore we need a system to enforce it. For the ones that do pay, I feel the guidelines for the amount of cs to be paid be calculated fairly.so the ncp (and new family if one) can actually survive.

[NeverGiveUp]

You didn't start this.  It's been going on for a long time. You just brought it up again.  That's good not bad.  Things like this need to be brought up or nothing will ever change.

I understand that the children are the ones that suffer.  Children are directly affected by the choices their parents make. Parents make bad choices in intact families all of the time.  Children in intact families don't always get everything they need.  Sometimes their parents buy speed boats or sports cars while their children suffer from learning disabilities and aren't getting the help they need.  It's sad, it's also life.  I simply state that that if we, as a society, aren't going to patrol intact families then we have no right patrolling divorced families.

I'm a NCP.  My child suffered from a learning disability.  I had to fight to get testing that was needed.  I now sit back helpless because the testing is complete, the disability has been identified, and no help is being provided. I pay ~$1,000/month. Where does it go?  Who's looking out for my kids now?  How does anyone know what their mom is doing with that much money?  Why doesn't anyone care?

I think it's because the best interest of our children can never be decided by a group of people that don't even know them.  The best interest of our children is, and should be, up to the parents.

[NeverGiveUp]

My argument hasn't changed here, nor has it been challenged.  You're children have needs, there father isn't providing for those needs so you have to.  You argue that society should step in and enforce that support.

There was a family that grew up in my neighborhood. The parents spent money foolishly and often overlooked the needs of their children. The kids never had good clothing and were doing poorly in school. Seldom did they have proper supervision and they got picked on by the other kids.

Will you argue that enforcement should be in place for families like that?  It would be in the best interest of the children, right? No, of course we wouldn't argue that.  This would be opening the door to government invading ever household in America.  It would challenge our constitution, it would be dead wrong . . . Welcome to the world of the NCP . . .

My argument stands.  Our civil rights provide equality for ALL Americans.  Our civil rights are being violated and our children are being used to do it. If you're going to invade my privacy and determine whether or not I'm supporting my children properly (because it's in the children's best interest). Then you should be doing the same for every other child in America.

Your ex was a poor provider, a poor role model, a lousy father.  So you divorce him because you decided you and your children will be better off.  Good for you.  You made a decision and you corrected your own problem. He was a dead beet when you were married to him, and NO ONE GOT involved.  Now he's a dead beet after you got rid of him.  Why should we get involved now?

[katz]

Sorry I dont know how to do a quote but you said "The courts here have changed,, they will NOT allow a custody case to go thru without a cs order. Period."

That was true in even my husbands case, the problem was my husband was paying child support to the mom who was not seeing, visiting, calling or anything with their daughter. My husband paid for over a year, then had to pay a lawyer to finally get the child support dropped. Of course his ex was ticked, and said you better not make me pay because I wont do it, blah blah blah . It just made no sence for my husband to pay child support, when he was solely supporting the child 100% of time anyway. I wonder what his ex did with the 3,000.00 in support my husband paid that first year? Couldnt of been for the child since ex didnt see the child for the first 3 years after the divorce anyway.

The whole thing left such a bad taste in our mouths, it would take something monumental before my husband would take his ex to court for child support.