A positive story for the father's side

[cathy]

I don't usually post on this board, but wanted to share our day in court.

My husband has 3 kids.  They lived with their mother and her new husband.  My husband paid $1390/month child support.

Last year, the 2 younger girls (now 13 and 14) told us that their stepfather had been molesting them.  Further, the older girl had told her mother 1 1/2 years earlier - and her mother did NOTHING.  Her mother convinced her that it was all just a "misunderstanding".

We immediately reported this to the police and filed for an emergency custody order.   Lots more to this part of the story - but not really relevant to the issue of child support.

My husband's ex still does not believe her husband did anything - even after he plead guilty to 2 charges of assault on a female, specifying that the assault was inappropriate touching on the minor girls.  As a result, the girls want nothing to do with her.  She then filed a motion to hold my husband in contempt for not forcing the girls to visit and a motion requesting the court order mental evaluations.

After that, we decided we would not allow her to continue to file motions "risk-free".  We attached a motion for child support.

Finally, after almost a year - it is court time.  She has withdrawn her motions, but we refuse to withdraw the child support.  She filed a motion to deviate from the standards.  Her contention was that the 19 1/2 year old son was disabled due to Aspergers (which he was evaluated for the Friday before court - nice timing, huh?) and that she was unable to afford child support.

The judge was unimpressed.  There was no doctor to testify to this condition, so that fell by the wayside.  Then they wer left with whining that me and my husband made soooo much money and his poor client was broke.

The judge finally went nuts.  Said that they had men with high incomes come into court everyday and woman who had stayed at home and didn't have hardly any income - and nobody batted an eye when the men where order to pay huge amounts of child support.  And now the tables were turned and they didn't like it - the shoe was on the other foot.   When they continued to whine about how much money my husband and I make, the judge said "Yeah and Mike Tyson is a millionaire and he is broke".

We finished the case yesterday.  The judge denied the motion to deviate and she was order to pay child support per the guidelines!

So - the system does work sometimes!

[Kitty C.]

ONLY if you get a judge who HONESTLY sees the system the way it truly is!  WOW!  This guy needs to give his fellow jurists some lessons on dealing with the whiny babies!

[NeverGiveUp]

I'm happy for you, but by the judges own admission, "and nobody batted an eye when the men where order to pay huge amounts of child support", indicates clearly that the system does not work.  It simply shifted the burden to the opposite side.  Now it's as unfare to the mom as it once was to the dad.  Poetic justice, maybe. But still messed up.

Congrats on getting the children away from a psycho.  

[Feelincrazy]

GOD HAS BLESSED YOUR CHILDREN.  Thank goodness that the children do not have to be in that situation now.

I am so glad that the judge listened and realized that, even if it is only a little that she has to pay, that she HAS OBLIGATIONS.  NCP fathers go through this all the time.  I was a NCP at one time, and I had to pay.  It was my obligation.  

Question:  does the 19 1/2yo with aspergers live with you?  If not, why not?  Just a question.

Does the mom plan to have any time with the kids?  How are you going to deal with that?  Can you get them into counseling, even possibly at times WITH BM so they can work things out?  It is so sad when the kids have to deal with anger towards one or the other parent.  Kids really do need both of their parents, but it is obvious that this BM has issues, if she turned a blind eye to all of this.  So sad.  I am a victim of "inappropriate touching" from someone very close to me that should have known better when I was a kid.  It was devastating to me, I was dysfunctional for many years, and lost 2 good marriages.

I will keep the children in my prayers, and congrats on having a judge who understands the system.

[cathy]

We have had the girls in therapy ever since we found out about this.  They are in therapy both to deal with the sexual abuse and the betrayal they feel toward their mother.  She also was rather emotionally abusive.

The girls went to see their mother a few times after they told us about this happening.  The younger one went several times - but the last time she went, her mother basically accused her and her sister of making this all up and blamed THEM for the problems she was having.

Right now, we tell the girls that it is their decision and that we will support their decision.  Typically, I do not agree with letting the kids make the decision about seeing a parent or not - but there are extenuating (sp?) circumstances here.

The 19 1/2 lives with his mother and has been estranged from his father and me for several years.  He has always been "mommy's little boy" and she has done nothing to help his situation.  Unfortunately, there isn't a lot we can do at this point.

We researched and found articles on Aspergers 5-6 years ago and pointed them out to his mother.  She said that didn't sound anything like her son and refused to follow thru with it.  Several years ago, he stopped going to therapy because he was just tired of going.  He was tested then and didn't want to continue.  His mother just let it dropped.  Didn't do anything at all until 2 weeks ago - right before court.

So - it is sad.  My husband has pretty much lost his son - although we always hold out hope.  But we can't sacrifice the girls in order to try to fight what very well could be a losing battle with the son.

[cathy]

My husband paid $1390/month for the 3 kids - which I consider a huge amount.   But it was relative to the amount the amount he made.

Basically, the amount of child support has not changed.  She just has to pay us her amount rather than us paying her our amount.  Our state, NC, uses the income share model to calculate child support.

I think the judge was referring to men with high incomes being ordered to pay huge amounts of child support.  They pay large amounts because they make more and their percentage of the total income is more.   I think that was the point that the judge was making - that just because he makes more, it doesn't excuse the other party from having to pay their fair share.

So - at least in this case, justice was blind to the sex of the parties.  I think that should at least give us a little hope.

[joni]

...judge's actually making decision, in the best interest of the children, based on the facts?  Your judge and the judge in the Marks/Aylsworth case who gave custody to the dad because the mom has PAS?  Are pigs flying....is this world coming to an end???

Wishing you and your family all the best.  Hoping your girls come out of this OK.

[wendl]

That is wonderfull, I know my neighbor has physical custody of his son and his ex girlfriend got a deviation she pays him a whole $25 a month. heck that doesn't even cover his asma meds.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Feelincrazy]

I do understand your choice regarding your daughters.  It is so hard when one of the birth parents are set on a destructive course.  Everything is ALWAYS someone elses fault.

As far as Asperger's is concerned, we have the EXACT same problem with SO's son.  SO has had several discussions with BM over the course of 3 years, and she does not believe there is anything to it.  He will have insurance soon on his kids (she has it now, but it is court ordered that they both carry insurance if and when it is available through their work.  He has started a new job, and it will be available soon).  He has told her that he will be taking his son to be tested, and even if it comes back that it is no, then at least he had it checked out.  Sometimes you just KNOW if there is an issue.

I am so sorry about the "loss" of his son...it is so hard to deal with.  I will pray for you and the situation.

[jilly]

Congratulations to you and your DH for your victory in court! My DH and I live in NC too. Could you tell me what county you're in so I can get DH to move his child support prders there?! LOL (just kidding...sorta! LOL)

Jilly