Help from a new side of the fence

[sgrbgr]

I'm new to the site...and new to the fight.   I need any advice I can get. As well as an explanation of all the abbreviations you all use.  
Anyways...here's my story.     I just got married two weeks ago.  I've always been on the other side of child support. My daughter's father sends whatever he can each month.  I have never pressured him on the amount....I've always felt that she was my child too, I wanted her more than he did (he was a few years younger than I was), I would take care of her and me. I put myself through college finally, as did he...he makes much more than I do, but I don't really care.  I just want him to be a good Dad. and he has lived up to that over the past six years.  This is where I get angry....my new husband was just taken to court for paternity.  (I knew about the situation since the day we met...din't really think baby would turn out to be his) Anyways, we had just bought a house with a huge mortgage payment, moved from NY State to Louisiana, and were hit with a bombshell.  The day he had to call for court, we believed that the discussion would simply be the results of the paternity test. The court papers revealed nothing about settling support.  So, he was unprepared.  He didn't have any financial paperwork prepared to send to the courts. he didn't even think the child would turn out to be his.  So now....what can he do?  With the amount of support and arrears they are taking from his paycheck, we will end up losing our home.  When he sent a letter to the court asking for an appeal, they sent it back saying it was denied because he didn't send a copy of this letter to the mother. It is now over the thirty day time limit for appeal.  Also, the mother reported she wasn't working, but has told my husband that she does have a job.  Do the courts take this into account?  Everything with my ex (except custody) was settled between the two of us out of court.  It really burns me that some (and I mean some) women out there leave it up to the man to pay the way for them and their children.  It takes two to tango....but only one of you has the choice on whether to keep the baby or not.  Why do we continue to punish men this way.  Please don't get me wrong... this isn't the case all of the time.   For me - I wanted my daughter to see me struggle, overcome and prosper.  I wanted her to learn to be independent and self-sufficient.  Why would you want to teach a child to try to get whatever they can from someone else?  Children learn from watching, I didn't want my daughter to be one of those women.  I wasn't. I wanted her to be like me. Anyways....sorry for the babbling...i just get worked up sometimes.  Like I said....any suggestions or ideas will help. Thanks

[KAT]

Oh boy. Hey, I hear ya. Our biohag only wanted the kids because she would get a nice fat paycheck  to sit on her big fat behind all day & do nothing.(and she does have BOTH)! We had just bought a house too when she socked DH for 50% of his pay after her not paying a dime or buying a gallon of milk for 7 years. Loved those two kids into unwed pregnancy & jail time. Not sure what the 3 of them do all day, no one in the trailer works. Guess they just wait for the checks so they can buy some more fast food.
Okay, what state are we talking about here? NY? How did they determine support? Are you sure it's not by the guidelines? Have you worked it up on the state calculator? I'm not sure if NY is income share, but if so, you might try this. Imput her income at min. wage then at 10 an hour. You might be shocked to see that his obligation would actually INCREASE based on her working or not. What a game eh? Work that up & let us know if there is any difference. If she's now working, there might just be a chance to modify......
Keep your chin up Kiddo!! It will be okay!! Hubby might have to work weekends at Home Depot until things even out a little....Fight for Child Support REFORM!
KAT

[ocean]

Hi,
I am from NY. Child Support is 17% of his income (does not really care what the other parent makes).  You can ask for a modification and maybe get the arrears lowered per week. Our arrears were $25 per week until it was paid off. NY is not father friendly.... https://newyorkchildsupport.com  is where you can keep track of your account and has some info.

[sgrbgr]

Thanks for the pick me up....i needed it yesterday.
Yes, it does follow the guidelines for New York...however, we've been advised by the clerk that we should follow a petition for modification due to the fact that his financial afidavit was not reviewed before the decision was given by the court, and because the arrears make it impossible to live. A total deduction of $287/week.  Just about what we need to make our mortgage [ayment.  Also, as it stands right now, I haven't had any luck on finding a job since we've moved, making his dependents - the baby in New York, me and my daughter.  From what I understand from CSU in New York since speaking with them this morning - we have a 50/50 chance. We're praying things work out.  I think what upsets us the most, is that the mom played games....agreed to a support arrangement (months prior) upon the DNA results.  But. as soon as she found out our plans to marry....she got pissed and stopped all communication.  We still haven't decided whether we should go for any custody or visitation.  Being a single mom, I know what heartache it brings both sides. And, being adopted, I know what abandonment feels like. It's hard.  And now that we live so far away, and would only be able to afford to visit NY once a year....we feel it may be more confusing to the baby.  We are still discussing this issue.   Anyways, thanks for all the help.  I'm holding my chin high today.  Trying to look at what I DO have, not what I don't.