What the heck???

[Wi-Mom]

A year ago, my husband negotiated with his ex-wife to take placement of their 14 y/o son. After 10 years divorced he wanted a chance to raise their son, and vise versa.  We just got married last weekend on Sept 4th.  They also have a daughter that remains with the ex.

Shortly after he came to live with my DH, ex wife had WI child support collect an offset amount from him claiming he made more money. She didn't disclose her second income so he was assessed $200/month.  When SS was just finishing his first school year, she started calling him asking him to move back. He didn't want to. She got pissed off and went back to child support and asked them to see if there's any way she could get more money from ex husband.

Shortly afterward, DH got a letter in the mail saying that they'd gone over the  three years 2000, 2001, & 2002 and compared his income to what he'd paid. Now his CS has always been garnished through his employer for 25% by a court order. He's paid CS flawlessly for the last 10 years. Still, CS managed to find an $1800. 00 discrepancy! DH has two liablilities.. another child from a one night stand..which really makes it difficult to prove who got what because it was always taken out in a lump sum on his paycheck stubs.

He checked with an attorney, and was told not to mess with the state of Wisconsin and that it would be cheaper to pay it then to fight. If he fought it they would probably "find" more arrears.  So they sent him a letter saying that they would begin to garnish his wages for $100/month (the legal limit based on the CS he's already paying). So we adjusted our budget and cancelled his son's braces. They would have cost exactly that amount and we weren't even planning to ask her to pay half.

He called his ex wife and asked her to decline these arrears - she knew they were unfair and untrue. She said she'd think about it. Of course she didn't. She told the kids she was going to use the money to take a trip to Panama with her current boyfriend to meet his family.

Two days before our wedding.. we received a letter saying they were going to intercept any tax refunds - state and federal. We kinda expected that. Then- we get married on SATURDAY Sept 4th and on Wednesday we got a letter dated SUNDAY Sept 5th saying that they have put a lein on all our assets, he cannot buy or sell anything in the state, nor can he borrow money. They may revoke all licenses in the state including his drivers licenses, and may take any financial assets, and sell any property he owns  until the debt is paid. This of course includes my own house that I've personally owned for 15 years.

ALL of this has happened within the last six weeks. In the mean-time she has continued to call her son when we aren't home and fills his head with lies about his father which we spend hours dispelling after EVERY single phone call from her. On Wednesday she finally convinced the son to move home and he is adamant that he wants to go. I think he's getting tired of the head games that are being played. Needless to say we are devastated.. and terrified. Married less then a week, and all my friends and even my in-laws are recommending we get an annulment to protect me and my children until his kids are 18.

I might add that his ex-wife has two other children each with different fathers that she doesn't collect support from because she doesn't like the fathers and doesn't want them to have rights to see their children. She tells CS that she doesn't know where they are. We know she does.. one of them lives in Racine WI and drives a bus for the city, and recently had his picture in the paper.  My in-laws have a copy of it. They've told her where he is.

What the heck???

[ocean]

So you are paying an extra $100 per month for arrears? It sounds like a big mess. I know in our state you can call and make an appointment at the CSE office. They will sit down with you and explain it all out. If you are paying the extra $100 a month and this is what was agreed then why the letter? It may be a general letter to everyone in arrears to let them know about taking the tax money. Change your deductions at work (both of you) so you will have to pay a little tax.  Does the son have to change schools? If DH does not agree with this move then he has custody until she files it with court. Maybe tell son that he needs to finish this year at the school he is at now and have extra weekends with her? Good luck....

[reagantrooper]

PAY PAY PAY AND KEEP ON PAYING. If you dont how will SHE ever survive?

It sucks but thats how it is FOR NOW!

Dont let the 14YO son go back to Mom at this point!

He is 14 and needs to be MADE to do things he cant be alowed to "play" this back and forth game.

Fight this return to Mom no matter the pain.

Good luck to ya?

[joni]

do not let your Stepson go back and forth like a ping pong ball.  that kid needs your support to stand up against his mom and stick by his initial decision to live with you.

you have to draw your line in the sand and enough of her BS...what makes you think this is going to stop at 18 if you keep letting this woman walk all over you.  this is going to continue right through your stepgrandchildren (the next 40 years of your life) unless you put an end to it NOW.

[Wi-Mom]

I'm so tired of being so angry with her all the time. I literally hate his mother right now.. (I think it's understandable since because of her my friends and family are recommending I get an annulment after less then a week of being married.) It's very hard not to show that anger to SS.. in fact I can't.. in fact when that letter came in the mail saying there has been a lein placed on all my new husband's assets which now included my own home... I.. a very Christian woman told SS that his mother was a f***ing B**ch through my anger and tears. That is so unlike me it's unbelievable.. yet this is what I've become. I honestly don't know if I can take it.

When his children all lived with her.. there was not a peep out of her. He paid his support.. and met her every few weekends half way (5 hour drive) to pick up all her kids.. not JUST his. She want's her son back and she's going to make DH's life and now mine a living hell until she gets him. (and the increased child support that comes with) She's been "using" the system for a long time.. and knows how to get what she wants.

I talked to a dear very wise friend about the manipulation his mother is putting SS through.. after 45 minutes.. her advice was that he was probably better off with his mother just to relieve the confusion of her saying one thing and us saying another in defense. He's given up trying to sort it out.. he just doesn't care anymore.

[jilly]

Maybe I'm missing something here but....if the house was yours prior to the marriage and it's in your name only how can that be considered one of his assets? That's pre-marital property and it wasn't his to begin with. Did his name get put on the Deed?? I would strongly recommend talking to an attorney about this because this just doesn't sound right.

[Wi-Mom]

Wisconsin state is common law... the moment a couple is married all debts and possessions become equal property. We do have a pre-nup that says the house stays in my possession but that is to prevent his ex wife and children from getting what is rightfully my children's in the case of our death or divorce. The state of Wisconsin still sees it as property they can take in a situation like this. They don't care about our pre-nup.

[Erika]

Plus he alrady agreed to pay of $100/mth.

Has your DH called them to ask about these letters and how they came to that amount and also about how they are sending these threats when he is paying it off?!

[jilly]

Ahhhh...I see said the blind woman!
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this :(

[joni]

doesn't matter that you're being compliant with the repayment plan or that you can't afford to pay more than the payment plan, these state agencies freeze up everything on you to ensure that the custodial parents get their money....at your expense or your bankruptcy...they don't care.

why?  because the states get matching funds from the federal government for every child support payment that they collect on your kid's behalf.  hypocritical?  absolutely, the state making money at your expense and using your child against you to get it.

and what happens to the custodial parent when they deny access to the noncustodial parent?

nothing

is the state there to arrest them or to levy their assets until the custodial parent agrees to let you see your kid

no

it's a civil matter, the police don't even get involved or enforce your court order.  it's a civil matter so the noncustodial parent has to spend more money to see their kids to enforce a court order you already paid for at a prior date.

and so it goes....