Mother not paying child support...

[cathy]

Long story short....My husband now has custody of his 2 girls, 13 and 15.  Their stepfather was sexually molesting them and their mother did not and does not believe them.  As a result, they want NOTHING to do with her.

She filed motions against us - insane stuff.  As a result, we filed for child support.  First, the girls are entitled to at least financial support from their mother (especially after my husband religiously paid $1390/month for the 3 kids - oldest kid is almost 20 and no longer consider for child support).  Second, we thought if she could afford to pay the lawyer and go to court, then she could certainly afford to pay child support.

Anyway - she tried to get out of paying.  Basic argument was the claim that older son has Aspeger's and couldn't function as an adult (although there was no doctor to verify this supposed diagnosis) AND that we made so much more money than she did.  Now why she thought my income should be considered, I do not know.

She was ordered to pay child support.  Our state, NC, uses income shares model to determine child support so the difference in salary is taken into account.  She was ordered to pay $340/month for the 2 girsl, starting July 1st. To date, we have received one month's child support (plus the one month's arrears amount - arrears going back to the time of filing).

She has a court date of Nov 5 to explain why she is not paying child support.  (This was an automatic thing by CSE, we had no part in it).  Now, to make things interesting - she had surgery at the end of last month for thyroid cancer.  I'm sure she will use that the try to get the judge to feel sorry for her and to say she can't pay because of her illness (btw - thyroid cancer has an extremely high survival rate and is really not a horrible, debilatating thing).

Anyway - after hearing the story's of the dad's and their valid explanations of disabilities, it will be interesting to see how the courts handle "mommie dearest".  

[Kitty C.]

You're right about the thyroid cancer...I would recommend getting info on the subject that could be admissable in court if she tries to make it sound worse than it actually is.  You might also want to consider getting copies of her medical record, at least the discharge summary of the hospitalization and any follow-up to see what the attending doctor's prognosis is.  I'm certain they would have to be subpoenaed and she would have to sign a release also.  Here's an idea, tho.  Have your atty. tell her that she CANNOT use her medical condition as a reason for NOT paying unless she allows the records to be examined.  

It's called touche'.....................

[joni]

Are you sure she has thyroid cancer?  Are you sure she's not embellishing about the nature of her surgery?  Reason being, thyroids are operated on for hyperthyroidism too.  When a thyroid is overactive, it can be either irradiated or removed.

Personally, I wouldn't believe her and would have my atty ask for a subpoena to verify her medical condition before court as well this medical condition of your son so that she can't lie and lie to the judge...and she will, to gain sympathy.

As far as people living with thyroid disease, assuming she's lying about the cancer, and having their thyroid removed, it's no big deal.  My husband opted for the radiation treatment rather than the surgery.  There's no down time, no side effects after the removal of the gland, just a life time of thyroid replacement medication.   My husband was never off his feet from anything related to this.

I also have thyroid disease and am on a synthroid to help control it.  Other than being a little tired, I feel fine.  These "tumors" you get on your thyroid are hot or cold nodules, depending on whether you have cancer or hyperthyroidism.  I have a tumor, but it's benign, hopefully the synthroid will reduce it.  It doesn't need surgery at this time.

[cathy]

I was like you initially - I don't believe a word this wacko says.  But her aunt, who isa reasonably ok person, sent the email and I don't really doubt it.  I asked the aunt what kind it was, because in searching the net, I found that some were genetic and I wanted to see what the risk may be to the girls.

She also called and left a msg that she was going to have to have the iodine treatment because they couldn't get all the thyroid.

If she does try to pull that, we will definitely push back and ask for proof.  Also, the child support was to start July 1st.  She didn't have the surgery until late September.  Hmmm - how does she get around that?

The interesting thing will be to see if the court is more sympathetic toward her than they appear to be toward the men in health-related challenges.  And to be perfectly honest, we are very lucky in that we don't NEED the child support.  We were actually planning on putting it into an account for the girls to use towards college or a car or something like that.  Also, it would hopefully deter her from bringing frivilous motions.

I'm sorry to hear about your condition and hope things will improve.  Sucks being tired all the time!

Oh - and a little more on my husband's son.  He will be 20 in Dec and he has always been a little "different".  Interestingly, *I* was the first one to mention that it sounded like Aspergers.  I had been searching on the net for information to try to help him with his social ackwardness and ran across info on this syndrome. My husband mentioned it to her and tried to get her to pursue this.  She INSISTED that the kid didn't have that - refused to have him tested or mention it to the psychologist the kid was seeing.  Of course, this was while he was still a minor and probably could have been more easily treated - AND he would have been covered under insurance.

Well she marches into the court.  She had a speech therapist scoring indicated communication skills were within functioning levels, but he could benefit from treatment in the area of praSLURPic skills.  Of course, the speech therapist could not give a diagnosis of Aspergers.  The only thing she really had was a letter from the psychologist that had treated this kid.  Now, this psychologist hadn't seen the kid in well over 2 years, but was now treating his mother (my husband's ex).  This doctor said that "in looking back" and now that she had "further training" she was convinced this kid has Aspergers.  The judge went NUTS.  Told her attorney that he needed to get a DOCTOR in the court ON THE STAND to testify or to drop that line.

[joni]

If she's having the iodine treatment, she doesn't have the cancer, she had hyperthyroidism.  I'm sure she exaggerated to her aunt for sympathy purposes.  My sister does this all the time, it drives me crazy.  If you have a cold, she's got pneumonia.  If you cut your finger, she had hers amputated and sewn back on.

If she does the iodine, she has to be isolated from sleeping with other people for 3 days because of the exposure to the radiation.  There is no down time for this.  It may take her a couple of months to get her synthroid levels to the right dosage, but that's about it.  So the most she'll be feeling after that is being somewhat lethargic.  That's it.

[cathy]

That is very interesting.  Thanks!  

According to the email from the aunt:

She had a golf ball size mass in her neck, thyroid and tonsils removed in a 4 hour or more surgery.  I visited her in the recovery room and ICU tonight.  She will spend the night in ICU and probably go home tomorrow.

When I asked which of the four types she had, the response was:

It is the papillary type.  It is the easiest type to treat.  My
grandfather and my sister,Dot, have had thyroid problems.

My understanding was the irradiated iodine treatment was for the remaining part of the thyroid they couldn't get.  But then again, that is just what she said so who knows.  And why wouldn't they be able to get all of the thyroid?

But now that I think about it, she called and left a reallly long msg about it, only a day of so after the surgery.  Seems rather strange if she had her tonsils out and all that that she would be chatting up a storm like she was.  I know I just had my uvula removed, and talking more than 5 words was not fun at all!

[Kitty C.]

I'm on Synthroid too, and can sympathize, joni!  If you're still feeling tired, you might want to talk to your doc about elevating your med just a notch or have your RBC and hematocrit checked.

[nikilax]

Hello,

I always feel like I have a low energy level.....tired and such.  I'm not sure where to lay blame for it though.  I had my thyroid out in 2001, but my synthroid levels were fine in April.  (felt tired then too.)  What does RBC and hematocrit check?


Nik

[Kitty C.]

RBC is a red blood cell count and hematocrit tests the level of iron in your system.  Women are notorious for having low iron counts and that is one of the symptoms, fatigue.

I donate platelets at the hospital donor center and have often screened out because of low crit counts, but their standards are higher than the norm.  But what I do when I schedule the appt. is I start taking two children's chewable vitamins with iron every day.  I can't take standard vitamins because they are too large for me to swallow.  Another idea that was given to me was pre-natal vitamins, they are high in iron, too.  You don't have to be pregnant to take them............but it sure will make people wonder, LOL!

[cathy]

Depression is one.

For me, it appeared to be sleep issues.  I snore(d) horribly, so that  combined with excessive sleepiness/tiredness got me to a sleep clinic.  This was after they did blood work to rule out thyroid and to test hematocrit.

Anyway - I didn't have sleep apnea, but did have upper airway resistance.  And I snored so loudly, I would wake myself up - not all the way, but enough to disrupt my sleep.

A little over 2 weeks ago, I had sinus surgery and a uvulectomy.  My snoring is WAY down, I am dreaming, and I have LOTS more energy.