trial is over lessons learned !!!

[gipsy]

lesson one !
     bullshit presented to the GAL is [basically ] given credit by the judge
     Bullshit presented to the psych evaluater is basically given credit by the judge
  the judge seems to not pay too much attention to all the bull you say about each other ,
   the thing I think that tossed some of the credibility of the crappy psych eval out the window was I had some witnesses that said i was liked in the nieghborhood by every one etc. Then My parents came in and said good things about Me and My son . and My wife said good things , and said psycho buffaloed the GAL !  
    Heres the problem and I think I didn't get '  Make your self out to be the martyr and don't do anything wrong to the psycho! psycho's are good liars and game players and it seems the judge gave credit to her saying nice things about me,  Although she made all sorts of allegations  of domestic violence ,the good thing the judge said was She wasn't giving psycho 20,000$ in atty fees , because both sides have done things to each other , so the good thing is  Psycho spent a lot of money to wind up  with what could have been agreed  to 3 years ago,
   the info on the sparc site about evals is correct .'show your self to be a healthy person' But doesn't remind you that you will have to top the psycho, so evals are to be done with the martyr theory in mind, that is the most important part ,
      the judge did say this is a hard case , But due the fact that the evals said she was more healthy , and the GAl said she was doing a good job the judge said psycho retains custody I pick up at school and limit contact etc , Again no atty fee's because both parties do crap to each other ,
   what the judge believed that was lies , the GALs interpretation of interviewing my son after mom coached him , the mistake I made was he heard me say something derogutory about mom ,
    again I don't see it stressed enough on this site to play the martyr ,
   Make sure the kids don't think you have bad feelings about MOM, fake them out , You want them to report that you like the psycho !! trust me the way this case came down , If stated simply .  You are MR Manners to the kids you like mom and generate a feeling of good will to the kids , but still you have to deal with the mind bending of the mothers ,
     Her ploy at trial , After years of false allegations , just before trial there was a time when she pushed all the bullshit aside and behaved , and said all the crap is now behind , She wasn't making the trouble . And tried to say I was  making trouble by taking her to trial , so My atty brought up some ofher allegations , I think in the least showing her BS put a stop to atty fees ,
   so I guess to repeat . I feel that the most important thing a man can do in this wierd system is be spotless, project good will toward mom to the kids ,
    Another perspective is , if I NEVER reacted to her crap I would not have been considered as part of this conflict , So DON'T REACT !!!   they and there atty's know this psychos can do any thing and the minute you react you are part of the problem and are subject to exagerrated stories . Then they stand there at trial and say what to did do to create conflict,and its a big he said she said contest , the way to be out of that is realisethat all the stupid shit put aside , they look at the care of the child and not your bullshit ,
  I think  custody could have rolled the other way if I would have never reacted , then there would [just] be her allegations that of course went off the radar screen with zero [ZERO] witnesses at trial. then it would have been clear who was doing what , She was making false allegations , IF I did nothing to react then that would be the case , Again your reactions are magnified , and her bullshit will be minimised so give them nothing to magnify !!! its just the way we have to play as men , but Get every visit that is ordered or file contempt ,I'Ve had enough for the day Hope this helps ,I guess to add If it were just her lies we were looking at it would be different , But then they don't care much any way
   

[Indigo Mom]

I'm an expert at reacting the worst way at the worst possible times.  Hell, I've told a Judge off (and given her the finger) and a person just doesn't get any dumber than that.  I look back at that episode and have to roll all over the place at my own stupidity.  

I learned to stop reacting.  However, that only happened when my case was over.  We always learn too late.  Isn't that nice?  We spend so much time reacting to the bullshit the exes spit at us and don't realize until it's waaaaaaaaay too late that we've just done f*cked ourselves.  

This is why I always tell people to NEVER let 'em see you cry or get angry.  It's this reaction they want, they thrive for, and it's this reaction that removes us a little further from our kids.  Poker face.  That's important.  

Look at it this way.  A kid punches you in the gut at school.  You punch the kid back.  Who does the teacher see?  Not the first punch...the 2nd punch is ALWAYS noticed...the 2nd child is the one that gets punished no matter WHAT the first kid did.  Custody is the same way.

I wish there was something I could say to you to make you feel better, but there's nothing.  I hate that you're feeling all down and out.  This bites.  It really does, and I'm sorry.  

((((((((((gipsy))))))))))  hang in there buddy...........