the CP strikes again

[mom2boys]

I have posted here before.  My DH has a son from a previous relationship, they were never married.  Son was born in 1986, he is 18 years old now, going to be 19 this August.  

To make a very long story short.  This has been a real off and on again relationship with our stepson.  It is painful and all the awful things the CP has told this poor kid has really hurt all of us, mostly him but she does not care about that.

In 2002, DH got a new job earning considerably more money.  At that time she was entitled to about $30 more a week in child support.  At that time things were going really well for all of us.  She wrote us a letter stating she did not want to take DH back to court to increase monies and make everyone suffer.  Instead she asked for our help with his lunch money each month, I would send $40 a month for his lunch that was done on a debit card type of thing, and also wanted help with his recreational expenses.  I know, kind of vague.

Up until now, has been kind of run of the mill things, yearbook, prom tux, pictures, you know that sort of thing.

Last week we got a letter from her entitled "Final Expenses for XXXX" which made us think that she thinks the support is ending.

In this bill was a $14 dental bill and $90 bill for glasses, okay we are obligated to pay a % of all uninsured medical.  But also was a bill for his cap and gown, a $300 class ring and $200 senior pictures.  And she said, does not include expenses for the already planned graduation party.

Now we don't mind helping out, but I think a $300 class ring is a little excessive and why should we be expected to help pay for her graduation party she is throwing for him.  

DH contacted his son and told him we wanted to throw him a graduation party for our side of the family, and he was oh great, thanks Dad.  He told his son to stop over so we could go through all the details and pick a date, for we did not want to have it the same weekend as his mom's.  We were thinking of her.  We never heard from him.  Then we found out that she took it upon herself to invite my husband's mother and our brother and sister in law to her party.  Needless to say we weren't happy about this.

That is not the worst of it, in this letter she accuses my husband of saying something really awful about his son, which he never said.  He is very hurt by the whole thing and has not talked to his son.  He isn't even invited to the graduation ceremonies.

We also found out he is living in his own apartment and working full time now.

Our question is, can we go to a lawyer and ask for t he support to be terminted on the grounds he is finsihed school, living in his own apartment, and working full time.  

Oh by the way we are in NY, yes the laws in NY must be changed, it is absolutely ridiculous that the age is 21.  I totally agree if the child is still in college you must continue to pay, but not in our case......

[wendl]

I wouldn't see why not if he is self supporting himself and is over 18. but now sure of the laws in your state.

I woouldn't pay $300 for a class ring, hell I paid for my own cap and gown when I graduated as I was not living with either of my parents at the time (i was 18 and living on my own) Working for time and getting some disability money each month (my father was dying and was unable to work, since I was still in high school I got disabliity basically instead of my mom getting cs)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[ocean]

Check your NY papers..ours reads something support will end .....if child is living on own full-time as a choice to stop child support earlier than 21. You can also call CSE and ask or go down to their office (make an appointment-faster) and have them look through it and they will help you file if it should be changed. Good luck!

[4honor]

you call as if you are the CP of a child and you want to know for yourself. They will likely answer you more quickly if they think you have the kid.

Ask them a what if and use the information in the CS order as the alleged facts of your case. Tell them you don't want to get into any trouble, but are trying to budget and need to know what to expect.

[Ref]

College or not, it is REDICULOUS that anyone should be forced to pay for another person's expenses after they are an adult. I just don't understand how NY can even call it child support when for 3 full years, the "child" is no longer a child.

Sorry, it just ticks me off.

Ref

[mom2boys]

I know what you mean.  My DH and I feel the same way.  Well this past weekend stepson graduated from high school, we weren't even invited to the graduation ceremonies or his party.  Things have been very tough.

As told in previous post, we are only paying for the medical bills that were included in the mom's last letter.  Since that is court ordered that DH has to pay.  We are contacting a local lawyer to see if we are obligated to pay the others.  God, I hope not.  

I just cannot believe they will make my DH continue to pay "child" support on a kid who is graduated from high school, living in his own apartment with his girlfriend, working a full time job, not going onto college and paying his own bills.  Either way we have to go to court, for my DH support payments are garnished and sent directly to the local Support Collection Unit, so we will have to go to court to get it stopped, and I am sure they can only be stopped by a court order.  

Ny has to do something about these laws.  I totally agree that is is fine to pay support on a kid who is continuing in college but if they are not it should stop when they graduate.  Actually ours should have stopped last year when he let his mothers home and was not under the custodial parents control any longer, but we did not push it for he was still attending school.

We just want to have this over.  I cannot believe she thinks she can send us bills for his graduation party.  What planet is this lady on, especially when we offered to throw him a party for our side of the family in his honor.  And the mom had the guts to send invitations to my DH's brother and his wife and his mother.   UGH!! what nerve...

More to come.  We will see what happens when we contact the lawyer.  Thanks everyone, you people are wonderful.

[flewwellin]

I don't think you should have to pay $300 for the ring $150 is sufficiant, $200 for the pics are about accurate but your hubby should only pay $100.  Medical bills are a neccessary evil.

The ring's original price isn't really excessive.  That was the going rate 5 years ago when I graduated

The graduation party throw one anyway.  You'll only have that opportunity 1 time for this son seeing that he isn't going to college (right?) Try and ignore the BM's antics she's just trying to piss ya'll off.  

As father I would think he could call up to the school and talk to the principal tell a very short version all objective and factual only. Keep feelings out of it and reserve at least one seat for himself.  (even if he has to pay, that usually is an option if the tickets you get aren't enough you usually can pay to get extras)  

YOu can file based on the fact SS isn't going to college but it may not work   Good luck and sorry you live in NY for this reason exactly!

[crayon]

i sympathize with you, a fellow New Yorker.  Yes, the rules do stink.  Does anyone know if they now consider the "significant other" of the NCP's income in child support?  I know they didn't before (when my ex hubby paid nothing for CS and was with his well-to-do main squeeze. . .)