bigsigh you are such a fake!!!!

[MYSONSDAD]

But it does not mean I don't agree.

One thing I noticed, you come here for help and suggestions, which is fine. But, I have never seen you post to help another. And that, my friend, is why we are here. All looking for better ways to make this hell bareable. Don't care if your male or female, black or white, purple or green, CP or NCP. We all face many of the same issues.

1 more thing, I did not get removed from this board and neither did Bol...

"Children learn what they live"

[ivehadit]

I have not received anything official from anyone in administration informing me I was "removed".  For all I know it was my computer and a cookie problem as I did have to do some cleaning of it.

**One thing I noticed, you come here for help and suggestions, which is fine. But, I have never seen you post to help another**

then you haven't looked very close. I may not post much, but I have offered several suggestion to several people on other boards. I don't spend my life here. And pardon me if I feel expanding the view on DV *IS* helpful.

**Don't care if your male or female, black or white, purple or green, CP or NCP. We all face many of the same issues.**

Why don't you tell your friend Bol there to adopt the same view as you then. This "you are a fake" post was completely unecessary.

[MYSONSDAD]

I am not into control. Bol is completely capable of speaking his own mind, and very well...

If you check Bols posts, you would find he answers many posts and with dignity and knowledge. Very informed and with much better wording then I.

Did you not post trouble accessing the boards?

"Children learn what they live"

[Bolivar]

Ivehadit,

You know your subject very well and your ability to articulate your ideas is stupendous.

Obviously our view and goals in life are much different.  So different in fact that we are speaking a different language.

You and I have chosen two different paths when it comes to our relationship with our child.  Because I feel so cheated by the system which forced me an every other weekend parent, I can not understand your choice.

However it is your free choice.

 I am fighting for a presumed 50/50 physical and legal custody when two FIT parents enter divorce.  If a parent wishes to be a NCP they are free to do so.  What changes is the fight to be the CP (residential parent).  Since both parents will be considered equal in nurturing the children they will both share equally in raising the children.  A parent must be a proven drug/crime/violence parent for the other to be assigned CP.  Let me reiterate that's PROVE (no allegations allowed) drug/crime/violence.

P.S. This web site was created to help NCP get more custody time with there children, and to allow NCP to vent and share their ups and downs.

P.S.S. I have gone on web sites with diametrically different views than myself.  I express myself in a professional manner to hopefully help those regulars on that board understand my view.  Of course the regulars call me names and such, I almost expect it.  After all it is there home turf,,, a place to vent and get help.  The experience is like walking in to a bee hive.

How did you expect to be treated here?  I mean we are fighting to have more time with our children for GOD sake.

Based on your posting ability here I am sure you visit other web sites.  What are they I would love to visit them and express my view.  I of course will not resort to name calling when I am visiting a new site.  It is after all, quite uncouth.

[Brent]

>So what you are saying is that according to you, no CP, no
>grandparent, no NCP just asking a general question about
>something minor, no friend of someone who is concerned, no one
>except the NCP's in the exact situation as you should be
>allowed to utilize anything on this site, including the
>thoughts, advice and opinions of the more openminded,  UNLESS
>they take up your causes, in the manner you direct, in order
>to be accepted?

I don't believe that's what he was saying at all, and I'm not sure how you got that from his posts.

[ivehadit]

I get it from the diatribe he wrote about the sufferage he and others like him are going through and making me feel as if I should never have posted to this site just because at the time I wasn't a suffering NCP.

Why should any of my posts to this site regarding my situation have to benefit the global need? why should any of my posts empathize with him over the fact he can't walk into a store without feeling like he got kicked by a mule, and all of the other overinflated comments he made?

This isn't the first time I've been called a fake or been called names by Bolivar simply because he didn't agree with my choice for my child. I'm not some leper to be cast out simply because I choose to be the NCP to my daughter, either way, there are still custody issues that need to be addressed.

He makes incredibly broad assumptions that I'm choosing to practically disown my daughter, or not take an active role in her life when that simply is not the case. My case is not his, and he needs to stop projecting his problems onto my situation.

[Bolivar]

I'm adding diatribe to my reference.
Diatribe = a bitter and abusive speech or writing --- ironical or satirical criticism.


And I have NOT made "overinflated comments".  They are the truth.  Since you obviously never experienced these emotions how could you understand.

For example:
My neighbor and I are playing catch one day.  The next he is in a car accident that leaves him in a wheel chair.  I can sympathies with what he is going though, BUT I really do NOT know what it is like.  To wake up in a hospital bed, to go through rehab for months, then to be at home and wake up everyday.  To deal with this problem on a day to day basis is something I just can't know.



As I said before we have chosen different paths in terms of our relationship with our children.  You choose yours and I the system choose mine.


Just for the record I never said you were any less of a parent for choosing to be a NCP.  I know a number of fathers in there late 50's who have told me they were fine being the NCP.

What I am saying is you do not understand the fight and emotional battle of a NCP who wants to have 50/50 physical custody.

[ivehadit]

Bolivar,

Once again, my custody situation is not yours, I may feel badly for you, but just because we are in different situations it does not negate my ability to use this site for it's resources, nor do you have the right to try to run me off.

I'm getting really really really tired of you assuming I'm giving up time with my daughter. Just because the "custody" status of my child was changed by choice, so that she could go to school by her mother and other considerations that come with that choice, does not mean we didn't make other consessions and changes so that I could see her when it was better for all of us, when I'm less busy, less stressed and can be a better parent.

Good lord you make it sound as if my daugher is never spending nights or bulk priods of time with me. You have it completely wrong. With the schedule adjustment we made it made sense for my ex to be the CP again, that's it. We both are trying to not get so caught up in the terminology anyway.

What am I supposed to do for you Bolivar? Apologize to you for finally having what you want?  A peaceful relationship with my ex and a happy situation for my child that includes an open door when it comes to seeing her?

**P.S. ....to allow NCP to vent and share their ups and downs.**

and my situation doesn't qualify? I was an NCP, I was temporarily a CP,  now I'm an NCP again - I don't have ups and downs? Or just because of my brief period of being a CP I'm now unwelcome? Or actually never have been in your opinion.

**Based on your posting ability here I am sure you visit other web sites. What are they I would love to visit them and express my view. I of course will not resort to name calling when I am visiting a new site. It is after all, quite uncouth.**

Personally I find namecalling at all "uncouth", but I'm not the one who started that here now am I? You've been calling me names since September. I've had it with your treatment and lashed out. This whole "bigsigh you are a fake" string was just a dumb, insensative, rediculous and childish move on your part. You'd think, since you have been here so long and seen so much you'd know by now what a waste of space it is to do and refrain, but no, it's the 2nd time you've pulled this with me.

And no, I don't go to any other websites. Don't you recall, the last time you called me a fake & other names was back in September when I couldn't remember what my old screen name was when I was going through my divorce originally. My posting ability comes from having used this site before, quite a while ago.

**I express myself in a professional manner **

since when is calling someone a fake, a liar and all of the other things this string you started says, professional?  

[Bolivar]

Author: Gecko at Custody Reform (status: NCP – gender: Woman)
Date: December 15, 2004


Pain is when never having received a card from you children...the post office delivers to you in February, a Christmas card they mailed to you in December and your hands tremble and your heart is pounding from the adrenaline as you open the envelope and by the time you finish reading in each child's handwriting how much they love you and miss you and think you couldn't hurt any more or cry any harder...you remember how close you came on Christmas Day to taking your own life and know that being disemboweled would hurt less.

It is when you are so stunned by the court's decision to take your children away that you shut down and walk blindly, not caring if there is a "tomorrow" because you're not sure if you can make it through "today"? To look in the mirror and discover a stranger because you are no longer the person you once were because a part of you has been taken away and the physical pain can be so great that you gaze with desperation at the muzzle of a .38?

You want to compare "stereotyping"? Do people automatically ASSUME that you MUST have done something WRONG because you don't have custody? Have you ever been asked: "how did you lose custody?" A man who chooses to be a non-custodial parent is viewed as a "hero", putting the best interests of his children ahead of his own; a woman who chooses to be a non-custodial parent is viewed as a selfish bitch, one who dumped her children in pursuit of her own pleasures.

Pain.....is pain. It doesn't matter whether you're a man getting whacked in the balls with a baseball bat or a woman giving birth...it hurts like a son of a bitch!

[ivehadit]

**What I am saying is you do not understand the fight and emotional battle of a NCP who wants to have 50/50 physical custody.**

well there you are wrong Bolivar. I was an NCP with very limited time when I first got divorced, the system chose my life too.

I got CP status due to my ex having a breakdown - if it weren't for that, who knows where I'd be right now in regard to custody and visitation with my daughter. So don't tell me what I do and don't understand if you have never even met me nor know my history.

You assume way too much.