bigsigh you are such a fake!!!!

[Bolivar]

Bigsigh sounds like you spend A LOT of time with woman shelters and Choose NOT to spend A LOT of time with your own daughter.  In your own words you could NOT raise your daughter.

Bigsigh you are such a fake.  Give it a rest and join Eric of the FIRM or go back to NOW.

You can tell your fellow woman at NOW that NO father, and I mean NO father, on this board is a poor nurturer.  We are all capable and ready to raise our children, if given the chance by the courts.  We are real Fathers trying to be more than just a visitor in our children's life.  We are committed to sharing equal time with our child 50/50 physical and legal custody.

You say you gave you daughter back to the mom because you could not handel her, BUT you volunteer at woman's shelters – YOU ARE A FAKE and a TROLL!!!!!

MY SON IS NUMBER ONE IMPORTANCE IN MY LIFE.  He is my everything.  Yes, I am engaged and my fiancee knows how committed I am as a father.

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Bigsigh said:

[em]Before you start trashing the DV help system, I suggest you get involved and see the reality of it. There aren't many "exclusive" men's DV shelters because there aren't people donating to get them. You can't blame women for that.

This all coming from a man... [/em]

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Back in September bigsigh said:

[em]"When it came to custody, my new wife fully expected my ex wife to get custody & me visitation. She pretty much stayed out of the proceedings and when I came home telling her my 4 year old daughter would be coming to live with us full time she wasn't happy to say the least. Her exact words were "how the hell did that happen?".

".......... I fought for my daughter fully expecting my new wife to take on the step-mom role. She is a mom already, I thought maternal instincts were maternal instincts, no matter who the kid was. ........."[/em]

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bigsigh said just recently

[em]"..........She (daughter) is with her mom and everything is how it should be." [/em]

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If that last statement doesn't sound like a NOW advocate I don't know what does.

[MYSONSDAD]

He just doesn't get it, even when slapped in the face.

Good call....

I was sick of explaining shit to him. He has a mind set issue.

[joni]

a troll and a custodial mom pretending to be a noncustodial dad....on this board to torture the rest of the NC dads here to make HERself feel better.

[ivehadit]

Yep, you guessed it it's bigsigh, for "some unknown reason" my account was deactivated but I'll be damned if I'm going to allow you to trash me like you have without speaking up about it.

***Bigsigh sounds like you spend A LOT of time with woman shelters***

Then get your damn ears clean (and that's WOMEN'S)

***You say you gave you daughter back to the mom because you could not handel her, BUT you volunteer at woman's shelters – YOU ARE A FAKE and a TROLL!!!!!*** (if you are going to insult someone, use spellcheck first so you don't look like an idiot  - HANDLE)

When the hell did I ever say I volunteered at any women's shelters you moron? I DONATE TO THEM. Just like I DONATE to MEN'S SHELTERS. Although I have reason to support BOTH sides regardless of your judgemental dumba** narrowminded opinion of it.

WHY? As I have already explained and you so conveniently disreagarded - My MOTHER was killed by my father in a DV situation. My BROTHER was as weak willed as my mother was and was damn NEAR killed by his ex-wife.

Just because I choose to do research on the plight of DV as it pertains to BOTH sexes in order to best ascertain the split of the percentage I donate doesn't make me any of the damn names you chose to spew.

I Donate 10% of my company's profits each year at Christmas to the cause of DV. This year, 3% went to women's shelters, 7% went to men's.

I give to the American Cancer Society too, want to find something "trollish" about that too?

Let's get something straight right here and now because I'm sick and f'ing tired of you going for my jugular Bolivar. This site, according to administration, is for ANY parent in ANY custody situation to come and get help. A LONG time ago it was just for father's rights, that has, according to them, changed.

I came back to this site for information and feedback due to a specific custody situation based on MY FAMILY'S specific needs. I don't give a rat's rear end about anyone else's reason for being here or the causes THEY are fighting for.

I was doing what was best for MY FAMILY specifically MY DAUGHTER. I in NO WAY ever implied that I, or any of the father's on this site were not good nurturers. You have continually made broad assumptions and slammed me for no G*D Damned reason. The only thing I couldn't "handle" (or to use your spelling handel) was my little girl's tears.

**...Choose NOT to spend A LOT of time with your own daughter. In your own words you could NOT raise your daughter.***

All I "chose" not to spend with my daughter when it comes down to it is weeknights during the times when my job is overly demanding. Who the hell do you think you are assuming that my ex and I haven't provided in our agreement to compensate for that? We happen to have 50/50 you dumb sh*t. Quit assuming crap, you haven't seen our agreement.

Basically your comments imply that any father who is an NCP is not raising their child. JUST BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO BE THE NCP OF MY CHILD DOES NOT MAKE ME A BAD PERSON, NOR DOES IT MEAN I DON'T 'RAISE' MY CHILD.

***bigsigh said just recently

"..........She (daughter) is with her mom and everything is how it should be."

If that last statement doesn't sound like a NOW advocate I don't know what does.***

You know what, things ARE as they should be, because my ex and I are done fighting. We get along great, have better communication than ever, see eye to eye and our daughters tears have subsided. Isn't that ultimately what parents are going for, or should? So shove your NOW comment up your selfrighteous a**.

I'd love to have a crystal ball for when your kid turns 18 and can tell you exactly what your years and years of fighting OVER HIM with your ex did to his psyche. Or better yet, the day he becomes a father and vows to himself not to be like you if he does split with the mother of his child. I have a gut feeling my daughter is going to be a hell of a lot better adjusted than your son. I made a point of ensuring I did what would keep my daughter out of years of therapy, either as a child or an adult dealing with the scars of her youth. At MY expense.

How do you like that assumption, huh? Bolivar, you have no right on the f'ing planet to judge me, or my custody situation based on YOUR life, or the assumption you make of the lives of any other person on this board. You do what you think is best for your child and I'll continue to do what I KNOW is best for mine. That doesn't make me a "troll" from NOW.

If you so choose to fight for father's equality on a GLOBAL scale, kudos to you, but don't you ever DARE shove it down anyone's throat if they don't go into it with the same fervor as you do. I have the causes I fight for - father's rights not being one of them. There are millions of dad's out there that aren't on that bandwagon just as there are MILLIONS of causes out there that need advocates.

[MYSONSDAD]

No need for name calling. Your post is full of derogatory remarks.

I remember you very well when you first came here. Previous posts say a lot about you.

Attacking Bol, what a mistake. He has been here long before I came and is very well respected. He calls it like he sees it.

You have a nasty habit of attacking posters here. If you have a concern, then post. Let others come to you. If something offends you, then pass it up and go on.

I know you have been going after me, so be it. I am afraid you are the one clueless.

Try to learn from your past mistakes. Starting trouble here is not the way to go...

A free peice of advice, GET A LIFE


"Children learn what they live"

[MYSONSDAD]

Maybe you can talk with your company and see if they will sponsor some Anger Management classes...

"Children learn what they live"

[Bolivar]

How to respond, , how to respond?

First of all the regulars on this board are fighting for more time with their children.  Whether they are NCP or a partner of a NCP.

Every single person on this site wants more time with there child, BUT we are NOT allowed more time because of the System (court).  We did NOT choose to be a NCP, we were forced to be.

----------------------------------------------------

SPARC's goal is to ensure that children of divorce continue to have meaningful relationships with both parents, regardless of marital status. [font="+2"]We advocate on behalf all non-custodial parents[/font] to ensure they get equitable treatment in court and continued access to their children. In addition, we work to promote gender equality in Divorce and Custody issues.

----------------------------------------------------

Do you understand?

My experience metaphorically speaking, of the family court is akin to a forest fire raging out of control. The court system itself is the fire, and the devastation left in its path are the charred emotional and financial remains of a life destroyed without regard to basic constitutional rights afforded every other citizen of this country.

However, once the gluttonous beast has had its fill and moved on to find its next unwary victim, there remains inexplicably a single solitary tree standing proud and tall above the charred landscape.

This is that father's love for his children.

This, they could not destroy . . .


Please explain the benefits of you posting here.

- Does healing come from your empathy?

- Should we take solace in your pity?

- Will our situations be different tomorrow? Better?

- Will we pay less support and have more time with our children by virtue of your moral alignment?

- Do you truly believe that you can understand the debilitating sadness that could make a grown man suddenly break down and cry so hard that he has to pull off on the side of the road until it passes?

- Have you ever been walking through a store and suddenly felt like you'd been kicked in the gut by a mule simply because you saw a child that reminded you of your own?

- Have you ever been to a birthday party for a friend's child, only to have to make a hasty exit because although you're equipped to cope with problems at all levels of severity in both your professional and personal life, you can't cope with watching seven year-olds run around laughing when yours isn't one of them?

- Do you think you understand how it feels to have adhered to a respectable code of morals and ethics his entire life, only to walk into court and be treated with the same disdain and disgust normally reserved for pedophiles?

- Are you capable of defining "Never" as one who has had his flesh and blood ripped away from him and knows that, short of an act of God, he will NEVER get them back? Do you comprehend the finality in that kind of "never?"

I think you presume much when you infer that your presence on this board is both needed and justified. You will never know what we are going through.  

You couldn't possibly . . .

Remember, you were free to make your choice on your relationship with your daughter. We were not.

[Peanutsdad]

Amen.

[ivehadit]

**Every single person on this site wants more time with there child, BUT we are NOT allowed more time because of the System (court). We did NOT choose to be a NCP, we were forced to be.** and the rest of your post...

So what you are saying is that according to you, no CP, no grandparent, no NCP just asking a general question about something minor, no friend of someone who is concerned, no one except the NCP's in the exact situation as you should be allowed to utilize anything on this site, including the thoughts, advice and opinions of the more openminded,  UNLESS they take up your causes, in the manner you direct, in order to be accepted?

I sympathize for anyone going though their individual custody situation, no matter WHAT the situation is. For whatever reasons they are in one, it is going to be hard on them  - you seem to be of the opinion that just because I was a CP and chose to go back to being the NCP for reasons that were best for MY family, I'm some sort of liar to be chastized, called names and treated poorly.

How many NCP's here recognize the fact that the CP in their situation isn't doing the best they can for their child and are helpless to do anything about it? A good percentage. Now just because I'm a father, I'm supposed to just be the stubborn CP just because I have the title and not relinquish it for the sake of "father's rights"? Give me a damn break. At least as a CP my lightbulb turned on and I realized my ex-wife was better at it than me. That's a pretty humbling thing to have to admit but at least I did it. How about a little respect for that?

I didn't come here looking for pity and sympathy, I came here seeking advice and knowldege of others, like most people who come to this site, on how to best make the transition smoothly for my child and my ex,  which I got, along with a hell of a lot of unceccesary grief and crap largely thanks to you. So please do not expect me to feel sorry for the situation you are in, I used to, but not after how you have treated me.

Now as I said before, I'm not here to jump on your father's rights cause bandwagon. I didn't come here to post for the benefit of others, I came here to post a question based on MY situation at the time I had one, I also posted a small amount on DV shelters because it is something I'm knowledgeable on based on first hand experience. A conversation that had NOTHING to do with you. A sidebar discussion with MSD. And just because you had a wild hair up your a** you turn it into a flaming session with this string.

Why waste SPARC'S bandwidth with your personal vendetta against me?

**I think you presume much when you infer that your presence on this board is both needed and justified. You will never know what we are going through. **

When the hell did I ever say I was "needed & justified"? I have a right to be here and ask/anwer questions if I so choose, just like anyone else. I also have a right to my opinion, even if it is different than yours. Who the hell are you to say I don't know what you are going through? You have absolutely NO KNOWLEDGE of any of my life or my family less what I've posted here on one specific incident. How do you know I don't have another child, or children, from another relationship? Or I don't have family members going through it? Don't f'ing tell me what I do or don't "know".

Lord help you Bolivar you are worse then a door to door bible thumper. Not everyone wants YOUR particular message or cause crammed down their damn throats.

Now for my sake as well as the rest of the people here, why don't you just leave me the hell alone. You don't like something I say, IGNORE IT.

[ivehadit]

**No need for name calling. Your post is full of derogatory remarks.**

so what is calling me a "troll" a "fake" etc? Warm fuzzies?

**If something offends you, then pass it up and go on.**

Why don't you give that advice to your dear friend Bolivar...

**I know you have been going after me, so be it.**

Going "after" you? All I did was inform you of a DV helpline to educate you that there is help available for men nationally. It was a friendly post directed to you because I thought you would find it interesting since it seemed to be a concern you had. Not once, did I ever consider any of our brief conversation about DV as attacking or otherwise. We share different views and we were both informing each other. Is there no "discussion" here? You either take it as help or conflict and that's it? Never once did I disagree with you that there are incrdible inadequacies when it comes to help for men in DV situations, I just disagree at what you feel the reason is.

**Starting trouble here is not the way to go...**

Excuse me? I didn't post this flaming crap about someone being a "fake" or a "troll". I'm not the troublemaker here.